I totally agree...wherever the word "love" pops up...then it will only give you hurt...while it is engaged in love or making love...
Once there was a time while talking with your friends who are drunken but close to your heart....we always say Naah...we will never fall in love...but just after some year, they came with a shyly smile "you know guys I fell in love with ____... No is not like others I believe him...." and f *** their bu****it starts from that day...eating up our whole ears...
We used to curse them not because she is in a relationship but because thinking she will be left you after getting a boyfriend...this feeling sucks now too...but now it's totally fine...maybe I have encountered this feeling too much...what it feels like being abandoned...
When I look back, many things are left unsolved...maybe I am too tired to collect those memories...in which one of the memory is his...
I tried many times with just a smile on my face but some of the people then also notice it...actually I had a long crush on him but he had never noticed it...or maybe he had never until I confessed to him...yup, I was blind actually I had learned from watching too many dramas that it is best to confess than regretting later...
He is one of my relatives and I know him from when I got my memories...actually it was really fun being with him...
No...not again...I just shouldn't put good words for the man who had hurt me the most...
We were never that close, it started then when I first joined the social media app...in my view he was a social media prince, and maybe he is...I just confessed to him but he didn't take it seriously..and then I came up with a lame excuse that I was sending that mail to my bestie...I know am the biggest coward...when I think something is not right, I just run away...
After some months after my board exam, I confessed to him again and in answer, I love you too but I think that was just a joke to him...he can't even know how my I have got bitten by my mom just to chat with him...now I look back then I think that I have just been deceived...
I wasn't expecting him to like me back or confess to me because he already had someone to like...but when he did, I got some confidence in myself but just after a month I got to know he was dating someone...my sweetheart that broke into pieces...it was burdened for somedays...but no one was able to see it...that how much in pain I was...I met him face to face after our online confession and online heartbroken(me)...it was like nothing had happened...my heart was still ringing for him but can't show that I am fooled by him...I kept that smile on my face...don't even know how many people I have confessed yet just to make him forget... but nothing works...I blocked them the second moment I had confessed...then I got news that her a****le girlfriend dumped him...first it was like god serves everyone right but then a sadness occurred to me may be i can't see him in pain...
I moved to Hostel for my further studies...and i wasn't in contact with anyone for 6 months...but then also in middle of those 6 months, I tried to borrow other's phone to contact him... really love is blind... I can't stop talking from him...then i got my mobile and i again started communicating with my old friends and Him...
It was like I was a good friend of him who always used to hear his stupid breakup story... and repeatedly after seeing and hearing about that girl's bu****it, i fired on him...I even confessed again that I had a long crush on him without any nervousness...maybe I was confronting him that there's no lack in him...that once he was my favorite..
I wasn't knowing that he will now take my confrontation as a replacement...he started clinging to me...I know I still love him but I never wanted to be someone's replacement...
Now here comes my cowardness again...I started ignoring his texts and messages...even wasn't responding to his calls...
When I talk with him I excused myself that I am busy or can't talk...but that was a time when I needed someone...with whom I can share everything without any regrets...I was afraid of darkness and I didn't have any friends...Actually, it's hard for me to communicate with anyone...Maybe because of him...I feared of being too close to someone..it's ridiculous that it was going around one year and I was living a life without friends...that time was like I just wanna talk to him and tell him that I need you...but I can't...
I even can't count how many times I had wet my pillow but talking to him again for me was like that I can't get rid of him...I won't let him go...
After that period of loneliness...I again met him face to face, I was still avoiding my eye contact with him...maybe I wasn't completely ready to face him...
His voice makes my heart flutter...His eyes make me uncomfortable...His action of coolness makes me want him more...His care seems like he still sees me as a kid...
That was just a day with him(in his house)...but he offered me to take them all that belongs to him...and I am really a greedy fox, I asked to on his precious hotspot...my f**k hell life...
I returned from that trip back to my one-room hostel...after that, I again started chatting with him...and then he complimented me how beautiful my smile was...and then what I couldn't stop myself from talking to him...and suddenly he asked me CAN WE DATE LIKE A NORMAL COUPLE?
The hardest question of my life but deep inside my heart I know I can't get him...Without any thought, my hand-typed NO...he said that it was okay...but I know I wasn't...
When I look back then I found what was missing in him now...I don't trust him anymore...Don't know whether he is playing with me again or he is sincere...I don't trust him...But I know one thing that I can't again pass that darkness that I had passed once without him...
His warm hand that I held while climbing down the hill...His talks where there was no flirting tone...My embarrassment when my sis was talking about my crushes near him...My sleeping head on his thigh...Our childhood play of Doctor and nurse or WWF...
How can I not say I don't love him...But there's a huge gap between WANT and LOVE...
He is still in my contact and now I rarely talk to him...but I like the way we are now...we are still FRIENDS...
