I started crying loudly out while driving my bike; I could not control my emotions anymore. I needed to stop my vehicle aside, I needed to breathe. I have to accept the reality that my dream world got crushed under the brutal truth. Ultimately I knew that I have to stand alone as before, I don’t have any right to live happily like others. I have to put that fake always happy go lucky mask for once again. I wish those feelings I would have to get for some more time. Everything I did for the first time. The way I feel for him, I never felt for anyone else.
A few hours back…..
I asked Ray in anger, why you are not giving me the same priority and time as before. Where are those long walk while holding each other’s hand, embracing each other and sharing everything? where are those our special only moments? Why all of a sudden you became so busy, why there is no time to spend with me, why your female friends are closer to you than me? Why nowadays you don’t make any plan for only us, why you want a group outing? why you choose to spend time with random people than me?
The Harsh truth
He could not listen to me anymore and he replied to me. Ray said my presence makes him feel suffocated.
This single reply from him was enough to shut me off.
He continued saying that it was the biggest mistake he made when he chose me over his job change. Those times what he spent was a waste if he could have utilized it rather being with me by this time his growth would have been more. I’m the person who controlled him and because of me he could not able to enjoy his life with his friends. I seemed a burden to him. He was doing everything like duty not from his heart. Most off all he doesn’t want to remember those days anymore.
“Just shut up”, I shouted as I could not hear anymore.
He drove his bike and went away far from my sight. I was angry and completely broken. I felt those promises were fake, those memories were lies. I hated myself to being so needy for his love and attention. How my love and care become a burden to someone.
The present
Yes, I didn’t do any wrong thing to me or didn’t try to kill myself. I am more mature and practical now, though I can’t fall in love, can’t be the same girl anymore who was in the Ray of Love. My life is going well without any expectation or future thought. I keep on remembering those beautiful moments, those night walk, wish if there would be any rewind button for my life too.
I feel happy to set him free. Ray was the best thing happened in my life, I miss him. This time we cannot be together but maybe someday in some chapter of our he will be mine and I will be his forever...
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