TRUTH OF LIFE

Hey guys! This is my experience and the lessons I have learnt till now. I know it's kinda long but try to read till the very end because this might actually help u in your life.

You see I had A REAL NAIVE personality. till 4th grade I was in small school but because I did good at academics my parents transferred me to a better school. everything was fine until then. my previous friends were literally crying to eat with me. but then everything changed after me transferring to the new school. I had hard time making friends in the beginning but then somehow I made some.

Ah well I forgot to mention this, I have a horrible skin disease which looks so scary (it got a lot better now though) and as I was a kid and my parents didn't really pay much attention to it, it got worse. from just the inner elbows to hands, legs, neck and even my face at the worst period because of medication from the wrong doctor just because of the cost (it ultimately costed tons). well this is not the actual topic but it plays an important role.

let's put that aside and go back to 5th grade. so I made a friend, let's call her S. she was good looking in our class. she used to be real close with a girl K but stopped and came to me. I once asked her why she stopped being close with her. and she replied as if it's completely normal, "so that I can learn her secrets and tell others". I still don't understand why I didn't take that line seriously. well, I guess you can predict what happened next. right, we became "best friends" and began to share things which we usually don't share with just anyone. you know, like crushes, dreams etc. And she had terribly pervy imaginations for that age. btw, a guy P had an open crush on her u see. she likes him too but it's really strict there and gossips fall in teacher's ears faster than ours. so there's nothing she could do but to imagine things. and girls didn't like her on the inside but pretended to be nice outside because of her slutty behaviour. (sorry for using this word but she deserves it). just to add more feel to this, she was having suicidal thoughts and even cut herself with blade (not deeply, just a scratch) but the next day she kept telling others about how and why she cut herself. and I am not trying to brag but I gave her a lot of motivation while others were just showing fake sympathy. I thought of her as a real close friend. and in 6th grade she showed her true colours. the whole class knew about by crush and the dream which involved my actual classmates. and do u know how I came to know about it? a girl C openly came and asked me in front of everyone if my dream was true by mentioning the person's name too. I still remember the amount of embarrassment I faced that day. I had no choice so I kept denying that it was all a big lie though no one believed me. I shouted at S why she did this and of course she started crying and acted like she is the victim. and that was the end of our "best friendship".

This was a big blow to me but was still not enough to change my personality.

So, after some time gap, when I was in 8th grade, I experienced near death situation. I got dengue positive. I was admitted in the hospital and had the worst trauma. Situation got out of hand and my platelet count was drastically falling. they sent me to ICU. it was the worst. my parents or relatives were not allowed to freely visit me anymore. they had to beg the doctors and get permission to come, that too while wearing full body cover. no one, not even nurses were with me. my mom used to cry everyday and my parents had to sleep on the seats in the hospital. at night it was so dark, I was so scared because I was not used to sleep alone. and when I finally fall asleep, they used to wake me up at 4 am to take blood for platelet count. they used to take it 2-3 times every single day from me, who was terribly scared of simple TT injections. everytime they do, the floor was filled with my screams. doctors from the neighbouring rooms used to come running to see what's happening. after they came to know why I was screaming, they did a deep sigh as if I was overacting. but they weren't able to understand that just that is so cruel for someone of my age and maturity. and I couldn't even go to the washroom because of saline injection. I had to scream forever for the nurse to come because they closed the door. and I had to do it in front of others. I felt so humiliated. it was the worst. I couldn't eat the hospital food at all. then mom told me that I would get out of ICU when I will be able to finish the food in the plate completely. sure enough, after a few days of injection of the second pack of platelets, I got out of that hell. and of course that day I finished eating completely! it felt like a miracle!

After my discharge, I stayed at home for a month nearly and caught up with the studies by myself. and the other reason was because I almost became a literal stick (thin) so my mom took care of my diet and made me better.

Now coming to the next story. there was a boy 'A' who was good looking and an extrovert. I didn't really notice him first but when my friends talked about how good he is, I started to notice him. he was good at sports, was good with girls, boys and teachers too. he was always surrounded by people. he always had a smile on his face. I started to admire him. because he is opposite to me. I wished I could be like him. somehow he became my crush. I was still not recovered completely so I couldn't go to p.e classes. I used to stay alone in the class and stare at them (mostly him) from the window. also I got another skin condition with which I can't sweat. I still have that now. even with a tiny amount of sweat I get allergy. it makes my skin so itchy and will result in bubbles like mosquito bites. be it more physical movement, sunlight, excitement, tension, or any other thing which makes me sweat will result in allergy. it is called "cholinergic urticaria". thanks to that I almost spent my highschool life in the corner of the class with no games or enjoyment. others used to stare at my skin and whisper things about it. well they are not wrong because it does look scary. so I didn't blame them. I slowly got used to those comments. even if they ask straight on my face I used to just smile and reply "it's just an allergy". but still somewhere inside I didn't like it. in the middle of these, watching that guy's smile was my only good thing in the whole day. I used to return home in a van. my van driver said that I am the only one in different route and asked me to change to other van. he asked another van driver about this and he accepted. to my surprise, it was A's van! I couldn't hold my excitement! I couldn't look into his eyes! I am sure he noticed me getting excited. but he still remained calm and talked to me. I don't remember how I responded. somehow, days went by and I liked him more and more.

one day, our teacher was selecting top Students who have high chances of getting highest marks. a girl called 'D' was also selected. she wasn't particularly a good student. she was above average. that topic came in our van on the way back home. I said that I was surprised she got selected. then he asked with a smile on his face,"now tell the truth". I didn't understand him. so I asked him what he meant by that. and he was still smiling and said,"come on, now stop acting". I was so confused. I asked,"what acting?". he was like"wow, you are so good at acting". I didn't know what to say. he continued while smiling"you must be cursing her inside". I was shocked. I didn't know if I should believe his face expression or his horribly rude words. I didn't know what to say. my thoughts went "was that how he thought of me? all along? did I look like that kind of person?" I felt a sharp pain in my chest. it was so painful that I couldn't stop my tears. I did feel that pain before. when I was betrayed by my best friend, when everyone's stares on my skin pierced me, when my mom cried seeing the pain I was bearing because of my skin, when even my brother looked at my triggered skin with his eyes full of disgust. but this pain was different. it was the most painful of them all. it felt like there was a hole in my heart.I looked away. by then we reached my home. I went running upstairs. and cried like never before. that was how he thought of me all along. but then how could he smile at me like that? there came my answer. HE WAS TWO FACED. that's when I understood. everyone is like that. acting nice in front of me and talking about me behind my back. and that's when a major change in my personality took place. my colour preferences changed from cute colours like pink to black (I didn't like black colour before). I started to doubt each and everyone. in case I go back on my words to trust no one, I wrote everyday, 'don't believe anyone', 'don't judge a book by it's cover' like when I saw his smile and thought of him as an amazing person.

but one question still remained unanswered. 'why did they think that I am a two faced person when I didn't even know how to behave like that?'

I was kind to them, forgave them, always helped them as best as I can, put their needs ahead of mine. but in the end, they used me. they thought it was all an act. but why?

and recently I found the answer in a song by BLACKPINK called 'you never know'. it's main line goes:

"you'll never know unless you walk in my shoes,

you'll never know how the laces are tangled,

'cause everybody sees what they wanna see,

it's easier to judge me than you believe"

and that's how I found the answer. they saw me that way because they are like that. they assumed that I am the same as them. and they wanted me to be bad so they found everything I did bad. that's it. but now they really made me bad. I became more selfish. I trust no one. I think the people who look kind are just showing their mask and not their real personality. but I don't want another person to become like me. so I won't do any bad talk about others doesn't matter if they're good or cunning inside because I'll never know that. I will become independent. I will not let others opinions affect me. I will stand up for myself and I will protect myself. because no one will come to protect me if I wait. I only have myself and I only believe myself. Life is just like 'among us' game in which we don't know how many imposters are there. so u too be careful.

finally, I would like to mention few quotes which have a lot of meaning inside.

"don't judge a book by it's cover"

"no one is perfect" if they look like that on the outside, that just means they are horrible on the inside and are really good at acting

"believe in no-one but you"

"you are your best friend as well as best enemy"

"never give your heart completely to someone because you never know when they'll break it"

"never expect anything when u give, 'cause expectations hurt"

"don't let others influence you, be yourself and love yourself"

"work hard and never give up"

"every pain gives a lesson and every lesson changes a person"

well that's it for the story. although there are a lot more bad things I've been through, these affected me a lot. I can never forget them.

thank you for reading it till the end guys! I hope u learn something from this or maybe u can relate it. you can share them in the comments section because writing them makes u feel a lot better than u expect.

I hope u have a nice journey ahead. take care.