I was tired again,Mentally..mostly;but also physically. It was hard to try to keep it up in a major you don't like.I wake up every morning and try my best to do as my mother wants;but I am me, not her. She wants nothing but my success. She is supportive but in a way that she left me one choice: become a what she wanted me to be or nothing.
About my interest..to be honest I surely know what I like and I guess I'm good at but the time I started talking about that with parents ..well, they both became disappointed in me;they said it's not a wise choice and that I am lazy to choose something like that...but I was not..I really hoped they could understand..but they didn't ..they just said if you choose the path you are mentioning, we just give up on you :)
They didn't say it directly but I could read it from their face.They were both disappointed and annoyed with me . My mother kept saying "After all we had done for you?!" Like I had asked them that I want to turn to drugs..Their reaction was bad,to this extent..
My tears fell and I felt I couldn't birth for a moment..it was one of the worst moments in my life ..I felt sadness,disappointment, anger,frustration,emptiness,depression and some other disturbing feelings at the same time.
I tried to hold my tears in front of them ..but I couldn't...and they saw me crying but it seemed like they don't care at all..about my emotions..
I said nothing except two words, two words that both were really hard to say: "forget it"
I went to my room and closed the door .I sat on the floor and started crying .. I don't know if it was childish or no; but I couldn't keep it to myself..
I was really sad and to some extent mad..they rejected what I asked for even without a second thought...and though they consider themselves supportive?
I stopped crying after a few minutes; cause I made a decision. It was true that my parents disappoint me and I was mad at them but it doesn't mean I can't keep it up . After that day I keep writing songs, practicing guitar and also writing novels , the things I really do love to do . I did it because once someone who was made disappointed by his parents , said that if you want something..keep imagining that in your mind and believe it will come true and most importantly stay in the orbit of the things you want.. it means try to get what you want and be patient and don't grow disappointed when you feel nothing is happening ..so just keep up trying to get what you want..STAY IN THE ORBIT
