I love my sister more than anyone else. Even if we are not sisters in blood, I consider her someone I cared the most.
She's very beautiful. She has a very lovely and bright attitude. Everyone loves her.
Sadly, she's not in good health. She wants everybody to treat her normally because she hates getting too much attention.
Maybe, worries about me because I get none.
I don't mind that. Even I, I do the same thing. I care for her so much. I give all the attention I can offer to her.
But then...
There's something I really hate about myself.
I hate myself because I like her boyfriend.
Nobody knows about it.
She doesn't know. Her boyfriend doesn't know.
You might think that I take good care of her, so that I can get close to him.
Well sad to say...
You are correct, yet you are not...
I take good care of her because I want to. It's just a bonus if his boyfriend is over there and I am able to meet him.
We don't even talk to each other afterall.
Hate me if you want. I know you'll do because there was a time when I tried to make him jealous.
His bestfriend went to visit them, my sister and him, and I was able to meet that person.
I am just quiet and observant. His bestfriend is somewhat the same.
I don't know if it was only me, or he helped me.
He was talking to me casually, then I saw my sister's boyfriend right behind him. Maybe a little bit far from us...
Then, I thought...should I try making him jealous?
Surprisingly, his bestfriend pulled me into a warm hug making me bury my face towards his chest.
I didn't resist. My heart beat faster that time.
Is it because I am afraid that my sister's boyfriend will misunderstood us?
Or, is it because of his bestfriend?
We moved away from each other.
I will not deny that for a short moment, I suddenly forgot that my sister's boyfriend was even there.
I looked up at his bestfriend. I just stared at him unable to say anything.
He just stared down at me with a small smile.
Too distracted... I don't know what to do.
It's as if my heart didn't allow me not to feel anything, too.
My heartbeat...
Why is my heart betraying me right now?
Then, I remembered my sister's boyfriend again so I tried to look behind his bestfriend.
But before I could take a look, he put his hand on top of my head and ruffled my hair.
Startled, I grab my chest tightly as if avoiding my heart to burst into pieces.
That moment was finally interrupted by him, my sister's boyfriend, when he called out to me.
He needed help that time because he can't make my sister drink her medicines.
While he explains, I could feel his bestfriend's eyes fiercing right through me.
Why would I feel like that?
I looked at him again, but he seemed normal.
I said goodbye, but then before I was able to finally leave his side, I felt a soft kiss on top of my head when I passed by.
My heart became restless again.
I shook my head and went to see my sister. She's just laying on the bed. Her medicines are still there, untouched.
Her boyfriend was there as well. Telling me numerous times that only I can change my sister's mind.
And that's what I did. She took the medicine obediently.
I am not manipulating her, or whatsoever, alright?
I just talked to her. You know...she just wanted to be comfortable. She's usually irritated that's why you need to manage her mood first.
After that...I could feel something unusual...
I looked at his boyfriend and caught him staring blankly at me.
Why would he do that?
Did I successfully made him jealous earlier?
That's what happened that time.
False hope, I think.
I tried to stay away starting that day.
I did self-reflection.
If he likes me, then he's probably with me instead of my sister in the first place.
They already did lots of intimitate things.
I couldn't say it... It's not that I'm hurt. It's just I can't stand myself liking someone's boyfriend, my sister's, for heaven's sake.
Why would I also like him knowing that they already did something... They already did "that."
At one point, as I watch him sleep quietly in the living room. He's too tired of taking care of my sister...
I unconsciously whispered with a sad smile on my face, "You'll never be mine."
