I want to meet him once again.
I want to see him for the last time.
I want to see that sweet smile drawn upon his lips.
I want to hear his laugh which seems like a music to my ears.
I want to look at those gentle eyes he has as he stares at me.
I want to feel his arms around me as he gives me a warm embrace.
I love him.
I reall love him.
From the moment he managed to make me smile up until this moment, I won't deny the fact that I already fell for him.
I would never forget that exact moment when he was able to make me happy even though I was suffering from loneliness and longing.
During my darkest hours, he just stayed right beside me. Whenever I don't have anyone who would care to stay with me; and, I was all alone, he chose to be there.
With these reasons, I decided that I want to bring back everything to what it was like before.
I want to bring back those memories.
I want to bring him back to me.
I take a deep breath and lift my head to stare at the door right in front of me. Once I enter this door, I believe I can return to the moment when there is still "you and me". It's the moment I've been treasuring up until now.
I can turn back.
I can go back.
I can return.
I can change everything.
All I have to do is to hold the knob, turn it, and enter this door.
Yes, I would definitely do that.
For myself...
For both of us...
Wait for me. I will bring you back to me.
I close my eyes, hold the knob, and turn it. As I open the door, I take a small step inside. I could feel the warm breeze caressing my cold cheeks. I could smell the same fresh air I've smelled before.
I open my eyes and witness the surroundings I'm in. I remember this. Everything inside the door feels so real. Now, I am actually seeing the scenery I've been in few years ago. It was a summer morning.
I am walking by the park where I've been with the person I love secretly. I watch the the same people I saw before and hear the same song those birds sang that day.
After a short moment, I could see the same fountain I love. I look at my reflection on the water and see myself wearing the same clothes I wore five years ago. I could remember everything.
Of course, I won't forget the most important part of this memory. I turn around and see that person smiling towards me. It's the same person I love so dearly. There's no way I could forget him. I smile in return and hold his hands firmly.
Unlike before, I would grant him the best smile I could give. I won't cry. I won't be cold towards him. I won't be careless. I won't leave him. I would never abandon him.
As we walk with no exact destination in mind...
Enjoying each other's presence...
His hands intertwined with mine, I could feel his warm breatg as whisper through my ears.
I could feel him. I could feel everything.
My heart instantly melts as he places a sofr kiss on my forehead. I lift my head and give him an embrace around his neck. So warm... I am so happy.
We eat and watch some movies...
He buys me the teddy bear that I've been wanting to have before. He holds my hips as I try to runaway from him jokingly. It's a long date but I don't feel tired at all. I still want to continue. I wish that this moment would never end.
In a bench, where we sit together as we watch the sunset. Later on, the calming view of the city lights welcome us from afar.
Few moments have passed and I heard a soft voice calling my name... A soft whisper...
I turn to look at its owner. It's him. I call his name.
He stares as if observing every inch of me. The man I love moves closely. Is he going to kiss me?
I close my eyes and whisper the words I've been dying to tell him.
"I love you."
Sadly, I didn't hear any response from him.
There's no kiss or anything.
There's nothing.
I could no longer feel anything.
I don't feel anything at all.
I open my eyes slowly but instead of him, all I see is a white ceiling. I gulp and blink my eyes to take away the tears I am about to shed. I don't want to cry so I close my eyes once again hoping that I can return to that place.
I can't. Why?
I open my eyes. Once again, I see the same white ceiling. I inhale deeply, then release it through a quiet sigh. I sit and remove the gear I wore before taking a long deep sleep.
That gear can make a virtual world out of someone's memories.
That's right. It was all made up.
The time and place were real. My love for him is real. But do you know the difference between what's real and not?
The scenario in the fountain was real but I didn't really give him a smile and a firm hug. The truth is that I was crying that moment when we met each other. I asked him to let me go. I wanted him to leave me alone.
Actually, I left him that day without any valid reason. Other than that, everything earlier was all made up. It was a lie.
I stand to stare outside the window...
Wondering about the memories I placed and the scenarios I made in that virtual world.
Suddenly, I realized something important. I found out that the actual reason why I left him was in the last part of my made-up memory. It is right at the moment when I told him..."I love you."
There's nothing. There's no response at all.
I laugh bitterly and finally let my tears fall.
That's right. The reall reason why I left him is because of the fact that I don't even know what he really feels for me at all.
Does he feel the same?
I was scared. I was afraid to know.
What if he doesn't?
What if...it was only me who feel this way afterall?
