I feel hurt that he couldn't see his worth. He wasn't crying. But why am I crying for him? The saltiness of the taste of the ocean breeze is nothing in compared to the saltiness of the pain collected to my eyes.
It was too salty that I could taste my stupidity.
Out of all the people who can judge him, why does he let his self to be the one to judge that he is worthless?
Just, why?
Calling me too good wasn't a compliment. It wasn't a compliment, it was an insult to him and to his ego.
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"Ouch!"
"Why are you being so clumsy little girl?" I immediately pouted as I heard his voice. It was rough yet it has a sense of softness.
"Don't act cute cause you aren't. Sit and let me check that wound." He removes the folders and documents on his desk and guide me to sit on it. He was graceful and gentle. With that thought of him I can't help myself but giggle.
"You are sick in the head, aren't you?" Caring but blunt. He carefully puts an ointment on the cottoned and slowly presses it on my wound.
"Woah, you are in a good mood."
Then presses it harder.
"Ouch! Why are you so mean? Do you want me to kick you? Huh?!"
Abruptly, I heard him chuckle. Effortlessly trying to stifle the grin from his face.
"I miss you." I whispered. After saying that, his smile vanished. He immediately retracts from our close position and distances himself sitting on the farthest black couch.
He covers his face and said. "I can't give you what you deserve."
I looked at him, surprised. "I'm the only one who can tell what I deserve." After saying that, the butterflies in my stomach were all in turmoil. My heartbeats slowed like the sound of the hands of the clock. I looked down and played with my fingers trying to grasps the words from his pinkish lips.
"Did I hurt you?" I heard his worried voice. It was approaching me. As I feel his presence nearing my place I quickly faced him and flashed the brightest smile that I got.
"You didn't. If you did, I'll say it even if you want to know it."
"Be honest to me." He said trying to reach my hands which I moved away from his reach.
"I really wasn't." Letting the words flew out through my mouth without letting the bitterness touch my tongue. I covered my face the moment his eyes tried to scrutinize every inch of my face
"Are you crying?" He asked.
"I'm not! Why would I? Do you cry for someone you just like?!" I said removing my hands from my fair face.
"Well I did. Someone from the past. It was probably about three years or maybe two." He said as he looks at me unconvinced.
"To whom? Your ex?" I inquired.
"Just someone I liked. I was too young back then."
"Sml."
"Tell me if I did hurt you. Okay?" He said while trying to smile which didn't reach his eyes.
(Note: Sml= Share mo lang. Usage: Used when annoyed pretty much same with I don't care what you are talking about.)
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"Hey! Hey! Hey!" I shouted as I ran towards him.
"I'll be going somewhere. I want to be alone." He said.
"What will you—"
I lose my chance to ask him when he opens up the plastic from one of his hands and gives me a milk tea. I want to know where he was going but I know in myself that he will not tell me. Not be cause he won't. But because he can't.
"Wintermelon?" I asked if it was my favorite flavor, trying to lengthen the conversation that was about to end.
"No, I don't like it cause it's bitter. It's honeydew." He smiled again. Not reaching his eyes.
"Mhm, okay. Thanks." I said looking at his face for the very last minute because I'm sure that he will be gone for a very long time.
I'm not sure where he was going or how long it will going to take but I'll wait.
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"Hmm, hi?" He stared at my face as I checked him with open mouth.
"Hello! How are you?" I enthusiastically asked.
"I'm good." He answered. Smiling again just like the way before.
Good but not good enough. I smiled too giving my very best to make him feel that I'm not feeling his pain.
"Where did you go?" I asked.
"Tried to find myself haha." He jokingly answered and laughed at his awkward joke. I just smiled again then fake a laugh for him hoping it'll make him feel better.
"How about you?" He asked. My mind is clouded with thoughts and I couldn't get what he was asking so I just said.
"I never left. What do you mean?"
He awkwardly laughs again and asked.
"I mean is how have you been? Were you fine while I was busy? Did someone annoyed you again?"
"I'm all good. I can handle everything." I can but could you? Were you fine? Were you annoyed at yourself for hiding somewhere else?
There was a brewing storm in my mind that I suddenly got lost to the sound of the thunder within my heart and the flashes of lightning that hits my mind.
I just come to my senses when I feel his warmth against mine. It wasn't sweet or bitter. It was something richer and darker. I enveloped him within my arms grasping all the inner demons of his tainted soul.
"Were you fine while you were not with me?" I don't know where I got this braveness but I hope it'll last long.
"I'm fine." He said tightening the embrace.
"You missed me huh?" He added.
"I did. So?" Slowly resting my head to his chest.
"It's not like I'll be gone forever." I won't let that happen.
"I know." I said. He hummed a familiar song while hugging me. It was the song he first shared. I liked it because it sounded like him. A guy wishing someone to get used to him for as he's someone who easily gets used to things around him.
"I know that you weren't fine. I can feel it. Let me in through your doors. Open up your secret doors." I whispered to him then sang one of our favorite song from my favorite band.
"I still can't. Can you give me space? It's fine if you'll not come back. It's better if you find someone who can give you what you deserve. You are too shiny. Too bright. I don't want to cover that light." He answered weakly hugging me tighter than before.
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We were standing at the ocean port. He looked at me and smiled nearing his eyes. He pats my head and hugs me tight.
"Smile. You don't have to be clingy it's not like you're gonna lose me." He winked at me and hugged me again.
I laughed at his craziness and fixed his neck tie.
"I know I'm not enough but I'll try my very best. I'm inferior to you but look at me I'm being selfish again. I'll be leaving. Please, don't cry for me." He painfully smile letting me see all of the pain he was feeling.
I tried my best to hold back my tears cause I don't want to upset him. I smiled like I always do.
"You are the prettiest and nicest gift I've received. But, I'm choosing myself. Choose yourself too. Don't live for me for I'm not worthy of it." He kissed the top of my head and walked to the ship.
Before he could climb up. I immediately screamed to him everything while letting all the pain flow through out my eyes.
"Don't heal for me. Never heal because of me. Heal for it is what you seek and what you deserve. Heal for yourself, Misael."
