That was dark night, most dark night ever...
i ran up on roof where my sister was standing, There were shards of glass all over the roof... I don't remember exactly what it was but my legs were full of blood i was like 4-5 years old right then...
i will never forget this picture front of my eyes...
my sister who's eyes were full of tears, her legs were shaking and she held sharp knfie in her right hand
but... she smiled... she smiled anyways.... even that was last seconds of her life, but i saw that her blue eyes also were full of scare, i saw... how hard she didn't want to show me that fear...
she brought the knife close to her throat and said: "I'm so sorry sis"... and she cut her throat... she died with this smiley face...
i came close to her and at that moment my mom saw... saw me front of her... from this day rumors spread that I killed her... i spent hours with psychologists...
My mother also did not want to deal with me... i was all alone... sitting in locked room wondering: what about she was sorry? sorry because of suicide? i couldn't get it...
one day I went into the kitchen and took a knife and brought it to my throat... I would probably die if my mother didn't notice it and didn't come there...
she yelled: "what the hell are youu doing?"
then i answered: "SORRY mom i just wanted to be with her..."
my mom falled on the ground and started crying... and saying it over and over again:
"Im so sorry im so sorry, im really sorry, i should protect... protect her... and take care of you...."
