Why is it so that I have to be the one comforting him? Shouldn't it be him? Shouldn't it be him comforting me after saying such horrible words to me like I was never his child? His words on how, I shouldn't have been born. How he would be just happy enough it he didn't have a kid like ME.
They hurt don't they? Having to listen to such words from your own father whom you're trying to understand. he isn't the best father, heck he doesn't even deserve to be called a father after what he's done to me. He's done nothing for me. I'm just a responsibility he has to carry because of a mistake he made years ago, by marrying my mother.
My mother doesn't deserve this, I don't deserve this and he doesn't deserve US.
No, I don't hate him. He's my father afterall, but he doesn't deserve to be called my father. Sounds rough? It hurts me more to know I don't want him as a father, but he has two sides of him and I can't tell which one is real.
The agressive, hateful side of him or the sweet, loveable side of him? Which side is real? I don't know. Sometimes he'll be laughing with me but sometimes I'll be hearing awful words a kid shouldn't be hearing. Sometimes he'll be the best but sometimes I'll see the worst. And it goes even worse after every minute passing.
No, I don't hate him. I just don't want to be the one who's his blood, because somewhere I know I have the same aggression he has, the same aggression he has at moments. I'm afraid one day I'll hurt someone I love just the way he hurt me. I'm afraid I'll grow up to be just like him and that's what terrifies me and I don't want to be him.
Can't I just escape this? Sh!t, I know dämn well I can't. There's no way I can escape this but I wish I'll not end up like him.
I'm not even sure who even he is. But I desparately don't want to end up like a monster, he is sometimes.
