I am a 20 year old girl. I'm young and raw but is it wrong for me to have feelings for someone romantically? I am friends with a boy in my class. At first he was very shy and my friend and I decided to talk to him whether he wanted to be friends with us or not. Finally we became friends and from there I know a lot of his past stories. But in silence, he trusted me more. He talks about his problems and I am a loyal listener for him. One day, it was revealed that he liked me. Everyone was shocked. I think it might be because we are young and confused. We are friends as always. Sometimes he helps me in doing assignments and vice versa. Sometimes he makes stupid jokes that make people laugh out loud. I decided not to care about his feelings towards me because I just want us all to be friends without a doubt.
Then, I asked him to answer honestly about his feelings. He confessed. The second time, he still likes me. The third time is the same. I asked what I did that he likes me and he said this feeling is complicated. He sincerely likes me. I can see. He is indeed a good man. Whoever becomes his partner is considered lucky. One day, my friends complained that they were uncomfortable if there were feelings of love between friends. I didn't reciprocate his feelings because I didn't want any problems to happen in friendship. Moreover, we are classmates. Won't things be more complicated when there are any problems?
I don't want my friend to feel uncomfortable so I decided to tell his face to face that I don't have feelings for him. Before that incident, I noticed that I was always suddenly almost jealous when he talked to girls. with my friends I don't really care but he's the type who doesn't talk to girls so when he suddenly chats, I feel jealous but I feel weird at the same time. Why am I jealous? while we are friends. Not only that, I used to feel bad when he didn't respond to my messages for days. At that time I didn't even know why. I feel something in my heart but can't bring it out.
So that day I told him that I don't like him and he shouldn't like me or anyone among my friends. Because we want pure friendship without feelings of love or anything. After I said that, he nodded in understanding. And we laughed like usual. At that time, I was disappointed because I felt that I was too cruel in my words. I think I'm nervous to convey that my delivery method is not the same as what I have practiced. I saw his face change a little but I knew that behind that laugh he felt something.
That same day, before we finished class, suddenly someone called me and he asked me to come to him because he wanted to talk something and I was like what? You should come to my seat. Anyway, my friends and I don't like this boy because he is always dissatisfied with my friends. The man who is my friend always feels down because of his words. It was surprising when the man who called me came to my place when he knew I wouldn't go near him. He asked something unimportant. I wonder what his motive is for suddenly asking.
At home, my friend texted me to talk about the change in his face. He looked surprised, a little angry and maybe jealous. And since that day, he has not responded to my messages. I thought maybe because of my words? and a day later he replied. But his words hurt me. He said he wanted to stop talking to me. Talk about important things only. Want to ask for help, no problem. At that moment, my eyes suddenly filled with tears. I asked why. He did not tell. And without saying much, he said good night and left. I know. I know very well. What is the reason. About the man who called me, I know his intention is to make him jealous. At that moment, I felt sad and lost. He didn't talk to me anymore. He still hangs out with us but his way is different. I couldn't hold back my tears that night. That's when I realized that I also like him. This is all my fault for not preventing this from the beginning. I got involved because without realizing it, I had feelings for him.
I'm the only one who always denies it.
