I am a very shy girl, but had a independent mind.
I thought that being in a relationship will stop me from achieving my goals.
When I was a student in school, I saw people around me being in a relationship.
The thing which they do and behave, really arise a question in my mind "what the hell happened to them ?"
It's not like that I didn't get attracted to opposite gender. It happens with everyone.
The people who says they don't get attracted to anyone are maybe hiding their feeling or don't want to accept that.
But when I like someone I convinced myself that it happens, it's just a temporary attraction you feel for sometime and soon they will disappear too.
I believed that a girl don't need any man in her life to achieve something or to get settled down.
I always followed my conviction.
One day on a playground we share the ground with a senior class students.
On that day something happened while playing and he smiled and praise me for my skills in the game.
I kinda know him from the start and used to see him in school campus too but that day a strange feeling came.
I thought that it is also one of the attraction thing and tried to forget him.
But this time it isn't going my way, the more I tried to forget the more he cames into my mind.
I started to think how gentle, outgoing and brightful he was.
I didn't tell anyone about it and keep it to myself that's because I didn't have anyone whom I can share it with, I had many friends but still feel like to keep it myself.
After some time I shared about this to one of friend whom I am more close than anyone.
She advice me to start a talk with hima and tell him about my feeling.
I refused her and told her to let it be and put an act of tough girl who can't fall in love easily and told her I forget about him.
But deep down I know that I just didn't had the courage to talk with him.
One day he came into my classroom with a nervous looks in his face.
I couldn't understand at that time I am just happy to see him, but I feel something in my heart like a little pain.
He asked one of my classmate to meet him at the water tank.
I didn't want to thought that what will be the talk between them.
But after she came from meeting him. I went to her with everyone to ask her what happened.
I never get involved in this kind of matter before, so this time i carefully asked question to her so no one could get suspicious of me.
From the conversation I got to know that the obvious which came into everyone's mind.
He proposed her and she was very excited about that.
At that the feeling which came i couldn't describe it.
I feel like to scream so much but suppressed myself. I didn't let a single expression on my space and act normally.
I asked about the conversation between them because she is isn't a beauty and not even great in her studies.
From the conversation I got to know that he falls for her character.
This is the thing which I never compete with.
While I am asking her about the talk happened between them, she asked a question to me which is like a atom bomb for me .
She asked me "should I say yes to him or not".
I really want her to deny his proposal, but I again suppressed my feeling and told her calmly "make your own decisions, do you want to date Him or not"
The words I said were like a sword stabbing myself.
I shared things which happened in the day but not my real feeling, I hide them behind a lie "it doesn't matter to me"
But when I went home, I cried secretly in the bathroom under the shower.
Next day, I asked her about her reply to him she told me that she rejected him plainly.
But she make fun of him in front of me, I really got angered about that.
I want to slap her but I don't want you create a scene in the school.
One year passes he got out from the school after completing his studies whereas I still had my one year left at that school.
I never told him about my feelings.
Soon I also completed my studies and goes into a college after that.
During those many people came but I didn't get attracted to anyone, I thought I became mature now.
But deep down in my heart the feeling are still there for him.
Soon two years passed, but the feelings for him grew more .
I never had any interest in social media, but I made an account in that and soon found him too.
I followed him and when I saw his picture I really couldn't control my feelings for him.
This time i clearly accepted that I really liked him and want to talk to him.
But I didn't have enough courage and also many things came in my mind.
What if he got a girlfriend? What if he had already someone he like?
One day I put my courage and send a reel to him.
He replied me "hi"
I didn't know what to do ,so I didn't got online for half an hour.
Finally I put my courage and said "hello" and explained him " i sent it by mistake"
He asked me "did he know me "
I told him about myself and told him " he might not me "
He apologized to me for not recognizing me , I said "it's okay"
But it really was not okay for me .
He and me talked with each other, and I really liked it too.
I didn't tell him my feelings but tried to find other topics to talk but I can't find any.
I talked with him with other day but failed to have a proper conversation.
But a question always came in my mind
Did I really like him ? Was it just a attraction which stay a little longer compare to others? Did I really have feeling for him or I have fallen in love with a imaginary character of him which I created in my mind all those years?
should I continue talk with him ? tell him feeling? or just forget everything?
Please give me your thoughts on this story ☺️
