My house of death...
.....It's horribly suffocating here. And unbearable cold. A narrow place where the earth has been cleaved very lazily. A place that knows neither day nor night. You can hear some commotion outside. That's it.
It seems to be day. A sound like a door opening or something. Like someone pulled me away. That's when I decided it was light outside.
"My children.. were you staying at home at night, without having to guard the morgue.."
That was the first time I heard 'sympathetic swearing'. I was sure they would be outside.
Again I experienced a strong pull. A little relief from that unbearable cold.
"Ahh... there's everything..." They didn't seem to hear. It's like the tiredness of waking up has been slapped on everyone's face. And something else that has never been seen before.
In the past, while traveling in the car, they used to be held right behind the ambulances that were screeching to speed up. After that, everyone will change their ways. I am in the same ambulance today. But it seems not so fast. There are only two people with him. The same two people the locals call my 'tail'. Heard that the rest would come behind. I didn't stop to comment like back then.
Slowly I started to remember the way home. He dared to look straight up where he had come. But could not. I don't move. My muscles don't hurt even after exerting a lot of force.
The coldness of that loins still haunts me. The car is moving very slowly. Many people look through the side windows.
"If only you had told me a year ago that you are in such a hurry to see me..." I blamed them. But it seems they didn't listen.
The car stopped in front of my house. Again I experienced a strong pull like I had just felt. I was laid in the yard in front of the threshold of the house. How many helpers?
After all this uproar, I noticed the people gathered there. I asked with a big smile, "Who is this?" But it seems they didn't listen. They didn't know my smile and didn't laugh with me. I think that's when I cursed myself for the first time.
The sound of crying can be heard from above. The voice of my friends. They are crying for me. Those who cry for me. Those who cry for losing me.! Everything has changed in the blink of an eye. Those who come to see me line by line with great discipline. The ones who smile every time they see me, the ones I shake hands with, hug them, bite them, kiss them.
Those who receive nothing from my hands. Those who don't listen to me. Those who know me, those who do not know me. And so many people who have no end of adjectives. Everyone rushes to see me. They seem to come from some rush, but after seeing me they stand a little apart and talk to others. They don't go. Those who came to see me. Aha... what a beautiful thing to hear. I want to say two good words. But I was afraid that they would not listen.
Elsewhere, a woman reads poetry in a corner. "Must be in the group...must be in the group...". Aha... what a beautiful thing to hear. As he looked towards the opposite corner, he proudly said to someone, "This is about me..."
The one who says "Terkil..." every time I call for a need is still busy today. To give space to the ambulance, to pave the line, to give directions to those coming from afar, to explain the reasons, and so on. Even though there were so many people, the coldness of that loin still follows me. A day full of tears.
Mother's moans wash everything else from my mind like waves. I hoped that my father would not let go of that majesty even today. But was father so green? Didn't know. All I see is a very tired body.
I was looking for you even in this busy time. But did not see. I used to believe that she would be lying on her mother's shoulder inside the house and moaning.
