It looks like it's raining again. I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes. I waited for the raindrops to land on me, until I felt my face wet. I smiled bitterly.
"You naughty kid! Alejandro, son. What are you doing there? You'll get sick!" scolded my grandmother. Then, I noticed that I no longer feel the raindrops.
"Come inside!" So, that's why. My grandmother shed me using an umbrella.
"Yes, grandma. Your eyebrows are always furrowed when you talk to me. Don't you love this handsome fellow here?" I jest. Grandma suddenly squeezed my arm so I screamed in pain.
"You, disobient child. You always worry me! I will have a heart attack because of you. You will cause my early death." I touched my chest and acted like I was hurt. "Ouch, what you said pains my heart, grandma. You're the only one left in our family so you shouldn't die yet." I said then smiled.
"What do you mean that I'm the only one left in our family? Your son and Xandra are still here. When you open your mouth, you always speak of nonsense," she said thrn left me. Once again, I'm soaked under the rain.
"Grandma! I'm wet again," I shouted but she didn't come back.
***
We are at the dining table and we're currently eating.
"Alex, how's your school? Are you studying well?" Grandma asked.
"I got everything under control, Grandma. I don't neglect my duties. By the way, our principal wants to talk to you."
All of a sudden, she dropped the spoon and fork.
"Grandma? Are you all right? Here's some water, drink it slowly."
"What the hell are you doing, son? You got into a fight again? Who did you beat now?!" I let go of the glass that I was holding. Thus, it fell down on the floor and broke.
Endure it, Alex, for grandma...
"It slipped, grandma. I'll just clean it up." I said.
"Answer me first, Alejandro! Stop playing around and be serious in life!" shouted grandma.
"We're at the dining table and in front of us are foods, grandma. Lord will punish us if you continue to shout." Grandma calmed down a bit, I sighed in relief.
"Alex, my grandson, what happened?! Why is there a broken glass on the floor? Hurry up and clean it quickly. After you clean it up, let me be the one to clean the rest. You're a graduating student, study comes first. Your studies is the most important," she said.
"I'll just finish cleaning this, grandma, so that there's less of cleaning you will need to do." After cleaning the spilled water, I went straight to my room. As I entered the room, I leaned against the door and sat down.
Dad... tell me, what am I supposed to do? Grandma misses you so much. How will I tell her that you are gone? How am I going to say that you are dead? Dad, I don't know what to do anymore. My heart is aching, day by day.
I did not realize that I had fallen asleep.
"His name is...?"
"John Cena! Tenenenenen~" I continued the sentence then mom and dad laughed at my reply.
"Hon! What are you teaching to our son?" asked mom.
"It's a song, Xandra," replied dad.
"I know it's a song but why is the song like that? You should teach to your son songs such as twinkle twinkle little star, jack and jill, or the alphabet song, you should teach him songs appropriate for kids of his age. I fear that he might inherit your goofiness when he grows up," said mom. Dad laughed like there's no tomorrow.
Then, he messed my hair. "Our son will grow up to be a kind and strong child, I can assure you."
"Mom, dad, look what grandma gave me. Grandma gave me a toy car! It's so fvcking cool," I told them.
"Wow, that's nice, son," commented dad. "F-Fvcking? Who did you learn that word from?" added dad.
"To you, dad! I heard you talking to uncle and you said his car was fvcking cool," I said cheerfully. I looked at them innocently. Mom eyed dad with a menacing look.
"H-Hon, I can explain," said dad.
I turned around and waved my hand. I have a new friend. We just became friends a while ago. It's the balloon that my cousin gifted to me. It is placed on the back because there's no space in front. I reached for it and tried to get it.
"Alex, my son. Don't be naughty, your father is driving." Mom warned me but I still tried to reach for the balloon. I can't reach it! My arms are too small. I shouldn't give up yet. I leaned closer. I'm getting closer, a little bit more.
I did it! I reached the balloon. It's a success! I pulled it closer to me but I used too much strength resulting for the balloon to go to the front.
"Why is there a balloon here? It's blocking my view. I'm driving, hon," said dad. As soon as mom took away the balloon, dad suddenly turned the wheel sidewards. I gazed upon my parents, dad's expression scared me while mom seemed very afraid and anxious.
I can feel my head spinning around, it makes me dizzy. I don't like this! I'm starting to cry. I feel scared! I want to go home. Then, I felt the warm embrace of my parents.
"M-Mom? D-Dad?" I stuttered. When I'm with them, I feel safe.
"Alex, always remember we love you. Close your eyes, my son. Everything will be okay," said mom while she's crying. I don't understand what's going on but I trust mom because she is my mother so I closed my eyes.
"Yes, mom!" I replied. Then, they hugged me tighter. It was too fast and sudden, before I realized what's our current situation in. I bit my tongue and hugged mom. The next thing I knew is the sound of the car screeching, the forced impact of two cars and the loud explosion then I fell unconscious.
I immediately woke up with deep breaths. I feel hot. My body's sweating. Everytime I sleep, I dream of that nightmare, seems like it's a reminder so that I will not forget what happened that day.
I punched the floor.
"AHHHHH!" I screamed to release my frustrations.
It's all my fault.
Mom, dad... I'm sorry, please forgive me. I failed as a son. I'm such a disgrace, I don't deserve to have you as my parents. If only I could turn back time...
"It's my fault, I'm sorry..." I covered my eyes and hugged my knees then I cried quietly. Suddenly, I heard the ringtone of my phone. I picked it up and my eyes widen when I saw the time.
I stood up and hurried downstairs. There, I saw grandma in an unconscious state. Quickly, I approached her and held her in my arms.
"Grandma! I'm sorry, I'm late. I'm here now so please wake up," I said. In a hurry, I took her medicines plus a glass of water. I placed her head on my lap.
"Grandma, take your medicine. Please take it..." My hands are shaking while holding the glass of water. Thus, the water are spilling out because of my trembling hands. I'm starting to feel nervous and scared.
"I'm begging you to wake up, grandma. Not you too, please... I can't handle it if you will leave me alone as well!" Tears welled up in my eyes. I can't contain myself anymore.
"You are in this condition because of me. If it weren't for me, you will remain healthy like before. I-It's all my fault, I'm the one to be blamed for what happened. I'm the reason why dad died. It's my fault why you turned out like this, grandma. I'm a worthless son and grandson. D-Dad is wrong about me. I didn't grow up to be a good child like he said. In the end, I hurt you and I lead mom and dad to their deaths. All of this is my fault so I'm sorry, I really am," I said and hugged grandmother. I cried while I held her in my arms.
All of my life, I harbored all the pain and anger since that incident occurred. I feel sorrow, grief, anger, and pain because I know more than anyone else that I am the culprit, I'm the reason why they died.
I neither cry nor showed any emotions in their funeral. My face is emotionless as they expressed their condolences. My relatives and friends were worried so they cheered me up but I just felt empty inside and pushed them away. From that day onwards, the cheerful and bright Alex disappeared permanently. No one ever saw my real and genuine smiles again. However, my will to live is still there. I still want to live because dad and mom wants me to live. Dad's words stuck in my mind, he believed that I'm a strong person so therefore, I will make it come true. I will become strong for them.
"A-Alejandro... don't blame yourself. Even if you are like that, I love you with all my heart because you are my child. My grandson, your son, Alex, he loves and adores you very much. He always tells me that he is proud that you are his father. Your son, Alex, is an intelligent and smart child. Look at his grades, he aced in his exam and he's the top one of their class. You are right about him, son. Alex is a kind, smart, bright and strong child as you always said," grandma caressed my face and wipes the tears on my cheeks.
"So, don't blame yourself, son. I'm here for you, I won't leave you. I will do everything for you because I love you," I cried even more because of what she said. She thinks that I am Alejandro, my dad.
"Grandma... i-it's me, Alex. Dad isn't at home and he will never come back," I said.
"Alex? Don't make fun of me, son. Alex is still young, that boy is only 7 years old."
Grandma, it's the truth. I'm Alex, your grandson. Dad is no longer alive. Do you know that through these years my hearts ache in pain because of that tragic accident? I'm enduring it even though it kills me inside. I'm enduring all of these because of you. So, please be patient, don't leave me yet. I can't handle it if you will follow mom and dad, let me be with you a little longer more. Not yet... I still need you in my life, don't leave me just yet, grandma... please, I beg of you.
