CRAWLED

I wasn’t always like this, I used to go to school like a normal person- complaining and crying. Those were the easier times and perhaps, I’ll never understand what happened or what is happening. You know, I really detest all kinds of creepy crawly creatures- bugs, roaches, mosquitoes, lizards and toads, to name a few. I don’t want anything to do with them but I often end up being unlucky and find myself ticking off one of these suckers climbing on my leg or my arm.

On the third of last month or maybe couple of months ago I remember waking up with bright red marks on my arm and my leg, they caused an itch I couldn’t resist scratching and they just turned redder but nothing an antiseptic couldn’t solve and I made sure I kept putting on my ointment. Two days later they had turned light purple and didn’t bother much.

A couple of days after that incident, I was sitting in my room and studying, it was then when I saw a big roach crawl very fast out into the balcony. I was startled and got up to shut that door tightly so it didn’t come back in. I decided to check where it had come from; I needed to know if there were others. I looked under my bed, behind my drawers and even ruffled the curtains, there was nothing. Relieved, I went back to working and when I was done it was very late, the clock read 2 AM. I switched off my laptop and went to bed, I was tired and found myself drifting off.

It must have been just a couple of minutes that I felt something in my hand and suddenly my eyes opened wide and I violently jerked my arm and quickly switched on the lights. A giant cockroach running all over my bed in frenzy. I grabbed my slipper and pushed it off the bed and crushed it, I saw it move again slightly and I heaved another blow, white liquid started oozing out of it and after that it didn’t move. My heart was pounding, I hate insects. I browsed my phone for a while as any sleep I had left was gone but soon after, the adrenaline wore off and I slept.

Something stirred me in my sleep again, something was crawling on me. As soon as the realisation hit me, I was wide awake and wasted no time in switching on the lights. There it was, a cockroach, again. I felt furious and killed it right away. It was 3:28 AM, I had to get up soon and I’d barely gotten any sleep. As I lay there, I felt something creeping on my face, which turned out to be hair and sometimes, something brushing past my legs but there was nothing. I needed to sleep, real bad.

The next I opened my eyes it was time to go to school. I dragged my body out to brush my teeth and take shower. My whole body felt like there was something there on it. The shower did make me feel better and I dressed up and went my way. My brain felt like it was lagging and it took me a while to process what was happening and what my teachers were talking about. There was this fog that just wouldn’t go away.

After school, I grabbed some Ice cream and chips to cheer myself up. When I got home, I sat on the sofa to watch some TV with my mum, there was some typical soap playing and I told her about last night. “That’s weird” she frowned and said “There aren’t any insects in the rest of the house but I’ll ask your dad to spray some insect killer in your bathroom.” “Thanks mum, I’ll go and complete my assignment now.” I gave her a kiss and went to my room. I’d put my ice-cream in a bowl and now it was time to rewatch some old flick and munch on some chips. I browsed and decided to go with The Mummy. It had been a while and it was a classic, I remembered loving watching it as a kid and finding it scary, not so much now. The movie began with a priest, Imhotep, condemned to be buried alive under a heavy curse for betraying and murdering the king. Exciting stuff I thought as I stuffed my face with more chips. His casket was filled flesh eating bugs, ewww; at least those aren’t found here. Thirty minutes in and I was fantasizing what it would be like to live in Egypt, be able to read ancient hierographs and go treasure hunting.

Out of nowhere, a roach climbed up my hand and into the bowl of ice cream I was holding, it was all so sudden that I let out a shriek and the bowl went flying on the floor and shattered into tiny pieces. The roach was swimming in melted ice cream. My bad day turned into an even worse day, I went downstairs and told my parents what had happened, they came up to my room and my mom killed the cockroach still stuck and twitching in the melted ice cream. My ice cream. It was a mess. She helped me clean up and dad sprayed some insect killer in my bathroom. They assured me it would be okay and feeling a little low I went back to my movie. It wasn’t engaging anymore and I was just watching it for the sake of it. That magic and charm had vanished. I watched as the resurrected mummy of Imhotep brought plagues upon mankind and O’Connell, Eve and gang rushed around to save the day. It seemed like I was the one cursed with the plague of roaches. After finishing the movie, I started working on my assignment and from the corner of my eye I felt something move here and there but it was just my imagination. I was feeling a bit jumpy and with good reason too. I carefully checked my room for any hidden roaches and figured I could go to sleep peacefully.

I must have slept for an hour or so and I was awakened by something creeping on my face. I frantically started slapping my face and sure enough, I hit something. Another roach. It dropped on my pillow and I found myself on the verge of tears. I switched on the bathroom lights and in the mirror I could see something sticky left on my face after hitting the roach, its guts. Disgusted, I washed my face as well as I could, removed my pillow cover and sheets, examined the mattress for any hidden roach nest, I couldn’t find anything. I put on fresh sheets and sat there, afraid to go to sleep.

I was still feeling paranoid and decided to call my friend; if I didn’t I’ll probably go and hit my head on the wall or gauge my eyes out. Luckily she picked up and I told her all about the roach incident. She laughed so much and called me the queen of roaches, that they were my subjects were just showing up to serve their queen and that I should give them a chance. I saw the humour in the situation and laughed with her. By the time I was done talking to her I felt much better but I wasn’t happy about what had happened and I’d rather it didn’t happen again, feeling light hearted I went to sleep again.

I was frozen in a dream where bloodsucking insects were stuck on me and I was screaming, unable to escape the nightmare. As the morning came, my mouth felt dry and I was soaked in sweat, I got up to get some water and that’s when I saw it, my arms and legs were covered in red bite marks and the mirror showed me this crimson allergy patch that had developed on my face where I’d hit that roach. I took some ice from the freezer and iced everywhere, I felt a relief but as soon as I stopped the need to scratch everywhere came back.

My parents saw me and told me wear full sleeves before bed as it was the mosquito season. Right mom and dad, maybe I should also take a blanket and suffocate to death in this heat. I didn’t want to come out of the shower as the cold water was soothing but I did eventually and lathered my anti itch lotion and decided to wear a full sleeved shirt to school as I didn’t wanna go in looking like I did, I probably shouldn’t have used a concealer on my face to hide that patch as it could make the allergy worse but what was worse at this point? Feeling like I was made of bricks and itching everywhere I went to school. All my day was spent trying to discreetly scratch that itch, I couldn’t wait to go back home and do something about it and get some decent sleep. Once at home, the only logical conclusion I could reach was that the walls of my room were infested with roaches and insects and they only came out at night when I slept. So I decided to sleep in the other room. I made a nice setup for myself there and was looking forward to a good night’s rest.

In the middle of the night it started again, things were crawling on me, I could feel that everywhere. I broke down and started shouting and crying, I couldn’t take it anymore. My parents rushed in to see what the matter was and I was howling. Nothing could make me stop. They checked around everywhere for insects but this time there was nothing to be found. My mother made me herbal tea and stayed with me in hopes that it would calm me down and when I had no more tears left I quietly sipped the tea and lay down. I slept but it wasn’t the good kind of sleep, I woke up feeling more tired than before and was in no state to go to school so I called in sick. I was alone at home and everyone else had left, there something crawling on me. Not this again. I ransacked my mother’s drawers for sleeping pills and I popped in a couple, I was desperate, this should help me to sleep and sure enough, it did. This time I woke up to see that I had scratched myself in my sleep. I’d scratched off the skin and the blood was trickling out from everywhere. There were also a couple of dead roaches next to me; I was horrified and oblivious to what had happened. I stripped down and stood under running water for the longest possible time. It was the only time I didn’t feel something on me and didn’t want to peel my skin off. I wore the loosest cotton t-shirt I owned and went to sleep in my parents’ bed, it had to be a safe place. I was woken up by my mum who had returned after her shopping trip with dad, she saw the state I was in and with tears streaming down my face I told her about the whole episode. They decided to get the whole house exterminated, I agreed as I felt that might help with the whole situation. That night I dreamt about seeing myself sleep, I watched myself for hours sleeping there. When I got up in the morning, I felt a funny taste in my mouth and my eyes hurting to stay open. I again stayed home to get some rest. While brushing my teeth there was something stuck in between them, when I finally managed to get it out, it appeared to be something remaining of a cockroach’s body. Did I really eat one? I wanted to hit my head on the wall till I passed out or this nightmare got over. I silently contemplated what to do. I was tired, paranoid and hadn’t slept properly. I didn’t know anymore.

Many days passed, my situation wasn’t improving. Every night was the same no matter what I did. We even got the house exterminated and there was nothing. I hadn’t slept in days and I continued staying at home, fighting myself some days to keep my sanity. Even the smallest sounds made me jump and everyone tried their best to speak in normal tones and to not make any sudden moves.

One day I was sitting on the park bench, I’d gone out in hopes that some fresh air would do me good and a ball came flying and hit me. I lost control of everything. I started bawling and the kid whose ball had hit me started calling for his mother. The mother rushed over along with a bunch of other parents and they all began calling me a drug addict and a danger to the kids and the community, repeatedly shouting at me to get lost and threatening to call the cops if I didn’t leave. I couldn’t take it, I managed to get home somehow but after that I was unable to move for hours. The sound of the water dripping was making me lose my mind with every drip. Something kept crawling on me, no amount of scratching and swatting made it go away. I don’t know if I was dreaming or not but I kept seeing things, me lying on the floor, the whole house, sometimes it felt like I was walking on the ceiling, I saw my house in a different light, like never before. Strangely though, I could have sworn that this had happened before, I couldn’t remember when. I needed to open my eyes, I was seeing but I knew my eyes were shut. With the very little force left in me I did my best to open them. An ominous dread seized me, like something sinister waited on the other side. I could see. A thousand things at one. Tearing my brain apart. My heart was pounding and my stomach sinking. I couldn’t unsee what I saw, what I was still seeing. Nothing to make it stop. I knew what I had to do; I managed to get off the floor and bit by bit I dragged myself to the kitchen. Once there, I looked for the biggest and sharpest knife and when I found it, without thinking twice, I drove it into my palm and it came out from the back of it. A thousand voices screeched in my head and the pain was undeniable but I kept on stabbing my hand again and again. Time for the other hand, with my badly mangled hand I gripped the knife, it was slipping out and it hurt to hold it but I stabbed my palm and twisted the knife in it. That’s where they were coming out of, the roaches, from inside my palms. I’d seen it, I finally understood what had been happening. They were a part of me and that is why I could see what they saw, I still could. I-

When I gained consciousness, it took me a minute to register where I was, my parents were driving me somewhere. My head was in my mom’s lap and there was a lot of blood everywhere, I raised my hands up and they were wrapped with white towels soaked with blood. My mum realized I was awake, she started kissing my forehead and telling me it will be alright and that they were taking me to the doctor, I started fading away. As they drove me to the hospital to get treated, I again couldn’t stop scratching myself and that just made everything worse. I didn’t care, I was going to remove every single insect like creature from my body despite what anyone said and I began to peel off my skin. Ah yes, the relief that brought me. My mother looked at me and she let out a scream, it caused my dad to look back as well, nearly missing hitting another car. Too bad, I’d have liked to end everything there and then. My hands weren’t enough; I needed a better grip to pull off the roach infested skin. My mother was shouting and trying to stop me; she didn’t want me to feel better. “It’s okay mom, I’m just doing some much needed skincare.” I said and smiled at her. Then I proceeded to bite a chunk of skin off my arm, warm blood gushed out, lots of it. I chewed that skin, realising how hungry I was. She was asking me to stop again and again but I couldn’t. I pushed her away and took another bite, just delicious. We must have reached the hospital because we came to a halt with a jerk and my parents got out of the car and were yelling for help. No I don’t need any help, I tried to get out to run away but my father was blocking the door and wouldn’t step aside, so mean. My mother secured the other side, I was realising what horrible parents they were and in my annoyance I started punching the windows. A bloody mess started to appear on the windows, it was such a relaxing feeling. Soon, the paramedics arrived; I couldn’t let them capture me, I was ready to fight them all. They all wanted me to be tortured by roaches. I devised an escape plan; I stopped moving and sat there, waiting for the right moment. As they approached, they saw me sitting there without moving a muscle and figured it was safe enough. One of them opened the door and bent in to take me out. As he grabbed my arm I turned towards him and kicked him back with my feet, he hadn’t seen that coming and staggered backwards and fell. I hopped out ready to run but there were seven of them, blocking my escape. My mother saying, “Sweetie, it’s okay, they are here to help you! Let them!” Right. Help me. They started closing in on me and I crouched on all fours, I began to crawl. Very fast. An exhilarating rush passed through me. I almost got away and just then one of them jumped on me. I tried to fight him off me but he clinged onto me, maintaining a tight grip. Others got their cue and did the same, they held my arms and legs and I struggled by best. I was pinned down to the ground at last. My mother was crying and my father was trying to keep her calm, they could have helped me instead of creating this drama. Something sharp pierced my neck, they were administering a drug with a syringe, It was working because I began losing the feeling in my body and a fog engulfed my eyes till complete darkness surrounded me and the noises became faint and faraway.

I opened my eyes in a cell, hooked up to some machines with a restrainer on my mouth and my hands bandaged and tied up. My feet were chained to the bed. I wondered what I’d done to end up like this. Everything hurt and I tried to break free, it was no good. I needed to regain my strength. I moved my head to the other side and my mother stood there, she looked scared and was unsure about whether to come close or to say anything. Pathetic. I spat at her. She walked out of the room and returned with the doctor in tow. “My name is Dr. Kemp and you are Emma?” he began to speak “How are you feeling Emma?” The way he said my name made me want to break his nose. “Yes, I’m Emma and I’d feel much better if you untied me.”

“I’m afraid we can’t do that, last time you were free you bit a chunk out of your father’s neck, do you remember any of that?”

What was this man saying, “No I don’t, I wouldn’t hurt my family like that.”

“But you did, it’s been four months you have been here with us.” That can’t be right, that didn’t make any sense. I questioningly looked at home, she nodded her head and looked down.

“Do you want to tell us something?” he asked

“Yes, Yes I do! The roaches, they started all this. They-” what was I trying to tell him? I shut up and tried to think and the urge to scratch began. I withered and scratched myself against the bed as my hands were tied. I couldn’t take another second of this. The doctor stood there and watched. “What is it Emma?”

“The roaches are crawling on me, under my skin, everywhere, please help me.” I said and broke down crying.

“Listen very carefully to me Emma, there are no roaches, never have been.” Dr. Kemp stated. “You have been suffering from delusions.” Easy for him to say.

“Ask my mother! She has seen them!” I looked at her “Tell him mom! You have even killed them for me!”

“Emma, I haven’t seen a single roach and neither have I killed any for you. I admit, I pretended to once or twice but that was only to get you to calm down. I never saw anything.” The way she said it, it seemed like it wasn’t the first time we were having this converstion. My head started to spin and everything turned foggy again.

I don’t know if I had woken up before this but this time, there weren’t any machines, I was in a white empty room with my hands and feet tied still tied up. I didn’t try and get out or resist them, I just lay there and watched everything. The doctors eating their lunch in the cafeteria on the second floor, patients next to my cell, the gardens outside. I could see everywhere and go everywhere. I watched a little girl playing in a neighbourhood park as they continued crawling on me. I was hungry so I chewed some of them