Silence, just a simple word, yet complicated.
"Steph, can you help me with this problem?"
"If you are free Steph, wanna hang out after the classes."
"Hey Steph, did you finish the work the student council gave you?"
All those questions, I silently accept them and try to solve them. I don't wish for something in return. All of them has a bright smile on their faces after the work is done. Those faces should heal my wounds, I wonder why it isn't working.
Am I expecting something they can't even provide? Am I just overthinking it? Am I really lacking something?
I wonder when did I began to think like this. Why am I always silent in any situation. Is it wrong to be silent? Or is it right? Events that occur in front of me, I wish to understand those situations. Is it wrong for me to do that? I try to wrap it up in my mind, so that I can review that situation later. Why? I don't understand. I don't understand Emotions. So I watch them silently.
There are many people who are like me. They also tries to understand their surroundings. No, actually, everyone is trying to understand their surroundings. The thing is, some are noisy and some are silent. Some tries to show their existence by making noises of all kinds, like being the general secretary of the Student Council like that of Lily over there. And some tries to deny their existence by cutting off every thread of bonds with the society and silently watching from the farthest shore like Zeo over there.
We know, but we always forget this, Noises disturbs ones mind breaking their equilibrium with the surroundings and being silent you are not advancing anyway to gain the equilibrium. So, should I be moderate? Is everyone moderate?
To watch over people silently, years after years, which is in millions or billions, no, from the very start, God is doing that. So Silence doesn't mean there's nothing. The possibility of judgement and punishment lies within it. Time is the only factor that'll lead the way. Patience is the key.
"Hey, Steph, what are you thinking? Geez, you are always in some kind of deep analytical thoughts. Can you stop that for a minute?"
"Umm..." I looked at her in positive manner but she didn't show the sign of satisfaction. She replied,
"What's that? Everything has a limit you know. Stop with those silent answers, you are being more like Zeo now. Try something to change."
"Alright..."
"Not again, you answered with just one word again! Try to be active, like everyone else."
"Okay... "
She signed after that and replied, "Geez, Even if you are genius, you should try to act like normal. But I think, all intelligent people have that problem. There's a saying right, Empty vessels sound much. If it's full, there's no sound. We know you are intelligent. After all, you are our top student. So be like that but a bit more active. You are a great help to us. I wish, you can understand our Emotions." Saying that she left.
Emotions huh? I forgot about those. And I don't want to remember. I don't want to go there again. Emotions for me is nothing but a curse. It's better to stay out of the reach of those.
But the things she said isn't exactly correct. I am no genius. I am rather an intellectual. I like to be with problems, geniuses avoids them. They are lazy, I'm not. That's why I'm no genius. The only genius I know is in this class is Zeo over there. True, he is not intelligent and never good at studies, he spends all his time looking at others sitting on his seat. But this is what makes him genius. Intellectual like me can only think what is on the books or something related to it. Geniuses like him use practical knowledge, he looks around for clues and tries to grind those clues in his mind to solve the Problem in shortest time interval. That's what a genius is.
Genius like him tries to stay silent for the peace of mind. They are not perfect, not complete and usually prefers Silence over saying something that should not be said.
"Promise me, Steph, you'll help me out today in my studies. I'll treat you something."
As I was thinking a guy from our class showed up. He wants me to help him in his studies. Joe, he's not bad at studies but sometimes he comes to me. To be honest it's more like he's trying to flirt with me, as an excuse of the studies.
"I'll think about it..." I replied and he smiled saying he'll be waiting for me, since it's a promise he made. He's a man of his word, That's what he said.
Words~ Promise~ and Actions~. If they are in the same line or parallel, it's valid, if not invalid. Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the end they are nothing but things to mess our puny little brain with their natures. The reality is a totally different beast. Those who know it are Silent, they saw the reality.
To me Zeo is the very definition of silent mystery. He knows what reality is. I know what he is.
He is a victim of time just like me. I only lost my mother, he lost both. However, I don't have a slightest sympathy towards him. I wonder why? I don't know how to give sympathy. But I somewhat understand his situation, for we share the same fate the time had given us. We are a victim of time. Nothing but to grief in silence, only if I could understand it better.
"Hey, Steph, look at that, a confession. He really has the guts to confess during the break in the class." Someone pointed at the scene of the confession.
From the sight of it, the girl isn't interested, meaning there'll be a rejection. But the guy is brave enough to confess even looking at the girl's face he knows that he'll be rejected. What's the point to continue then?
"Will you go out with me, Annie?"
There's no reply. A complete silence. Although, There is a reply hidden within the silence. Silence here is the right answer which in itself speaks thousands of words. Even though I don't understand Emotions, I know the face of someone who isn't interested in you.
The guy also understood this. So he smiled and quickly backed off. There's no way, he can do something about it now. Her silent response is enough. So is it better to be silent?
I sit silently and so does Zeo. We sit silently to watch the world around us. This actually needs a lifetime to learn and it seems only the old people are able to sit next to one another not saying anything, but feel content. The young ones always impatient, breaks the silent. Old people always say, Silence is pure. It's holy. It is such a waste who tries to break it. True, It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit silently without speaking anything. This is a paradox between young and old, as well as normal people and those who have a reason to stay silent.
When I was six years old my mother left me alone in this world silently. I didn't know, I didn't believe but when I saw her pale face there's something that changed in me. I had emotions before I lost them there. I cried a lot there, then I couldn't even if I wanted. The reason of my mother's death I didn't know and I still don't know. When I ask about it to my father he stays silent.
~ When the truth is replaced by Silence, that silence is a lie.
Then what is the real meaning of silence? Why is it that important in this noisy world? What is it's significance? Why no one understands it completely? I don't know. Maybe to understand it better, when you don't have a real understanding of what that is, when words can't explain it, stay Silent.
It the loudest noise I've ever heard, with a proper meaning.
One day in the future I'll also leave the world silently to be in the complete silence. That's the fate of every being.
However, when I speak about Future, the word itself is in the past and when I say Silence, I completely destroy it.
N. B. : This story is the Point of View of an emotionless girl named Stephenie from my story "Zero - The Unknown Abyss". Feel free to check that out. I greatly appreciate your help.
Also, many thanks to @Masum_Kookie🌸💜 for helping me out in this little Story.
Thank you, all of you. ~Shadow.
