Emotions...
I've never felt them. They seem useless to me.
...
Since my birth, I couldn't feel anything. While others around me felt joy, sadness, anger, and many more, I can't even remember all of those. What's the use of ME remembering them, anyway?
...
My parents have tried so much, to make me feel something, anything. Anything that'd make me 'feel alive' according to them. But I didn't want them.
Why? My parents are deppressed now, why? Because of the same so-called-emotions they want me to have. If they didn't have emotions, they wouldn't be sad or deppressed.
I don't want those emotions.
I am already...
'Alive'
I mean, that's what they taught us, you need a beating heart and a brain, and you can be a perfectly functioning human. Well, yeah, those only won't make you 'perfect' though (According to the society)
But I didn't want to be perfect, I wanted to be who I am. Why can't they just accept me?
...
In elementary school, I was made fun of. In middle school, I was bullied. They would push me, causing me to fall, then would say, "Aw, is the little baby going to cry? Oopsies, I forgot that you can't feel anything~" Then start laughing like idiots. There are many more things they did. All of these, only cuz I didn't have emotions.
When I came home with wet uniform, (They almost always threw water at me...) my parents would get worried, and asked me what happened. I would tell them, I always told them the truth. Then my mother would start crying, father would tell me to go to my room. Yeah they wouldn't say anything else, cuz empathy was useless for me. And I didn't feel sad anyway, so I don't need 'comfort'.
But one day, I decided that I'll have emotions. Even if I don't have, I'll act like I have. I just simply want to 'do something good' for my parents, that's what a good child does, according to the books. Right?
:)
All these years I've seen how people react. I just started imitating them. I changed schools, and in the new school, everyone treated me normally. If only they knew the truth, that all the compliments I gave, those meant nothing. All the bad words I said, they also meant nothing.
...
One day, I was walking with the person I made my 'so-called-best friend' in the hall. I was asking what the teacher gave for homework, when, suddenly, someone bumps into me. I was falling, but someone's hands caught me. I looked up, thinking it was my 'best friend', but no, it was a boy. Well, he seemed like a senior. I don't really know much people, since I don't talk much. Talking means more acting, and that exhausts me.
Whatever, I look at the boy's face again, he seemed... concerned?
...
I don't know, seeing him, triggered something in me, I felt my cheeks heating up. Is this just a normal reaction when you get close to a boy? I quickly fixed my posture and stepped a little further away. I am actually surprised by my reaction.
"Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah"
I never stutter, and I mean NEVER! Am I sick? Am I affected with another disorder of something? Should I visit the doctor?
"What's your name?"
His question brought me back to reality. Wait, I was actually spacing out?! (That's what they call it, right?) I'm acting weird and I'm... surprised? I am feeling things? I-I don't know anymore, I need to talk with my parents. Let's answer him first.
"Nora, yours?"
Wait, why did I ask his name?! I'm so mad at myself right now. Wait, what...
???: I'm Lucas.
Nora: Your uniform is different...
Lucas: Yeah I'm from a different school, I came here
to pick up my sister. Our mother is sick, so we got permission from the teachers to leave early.
Nora: Ohh, which school are you in, btw?
Lucas: I'm a freshman at Diamonds High
Nora: Oh, I know that school! My parents told me I should get admitted there after I graduate middle school.
Lucas: You should, the teachers are very friendly, and good at teaching also. *Smiles*
Nora: (I don't know why but my cheeks feel hot)
Lucas: I should get going now, see you later?
Nora: Y-yeah, bye...
"Hey hey hey~"
Nora: What, Lucy?
Lucy: You're blushing 😏
Nora: So?
Lucy: Nothing~ 😏
I never saw you blush tho 🤔
Nora: Whatever, I'm going, bye.
Lucy: See you later~
*After school*
Lucy: See you tomorrow~
Nora: Yeah bye
So he goes to Diamonds high, huh?...
Why am I thinking about him so much? Why did I suddenly change after meeting him?
...
Dunno, could it be, I'm actually feeling 'emotions'?
I reach home, still thinking about him. He said he's in Diamonds High? Maybe I can meet him there after school. I'll also try to get admitted there after graduating middle school.
I smile at the thought of going into the same school as him. Then I look up, and find my shocked parents. They start asking me questions, like why am I smiling, am I feeling happy etc. My mother started crying out of joy, father also.
You know what, I actually felt, good. Not much, but a tiny feeling of... 'joy'?
...
But just cuz I'm okay now, I'm not letting my savior go. Cuz I know, these emotions are temporary, but he can be the permanent medicine. I won't let him go...
Never...
I'll make him love me, and stay with me forever...
He
Will
Be
Mine.
:)
