I am done with my life, I don't wanna live any more the moment I tried to suicide I think of my mom which stops me.. but isn't she also one of my reason which make me choose to suicide.
I am girl who is so lonely, hv no one to deepen,
hv no one to share my feelings, am I only one
who feels the same.
My mom, a single mother, my father who passed away when I was 11 . I hv four siblings.
being the eldest one I hv lots of responsibility.
I am just a average student, I tried my best to score good marks to be a good daughter but she never understand, I don't want to be a doctor but she don't understand, I don't like always been nagging . I want to be myself not a person being controlled
I hv improved alot in everything but she don't see it.
she always tell me" u should know how much money I am spending in u, u hv to become a doctor or engineer or else wts the use of spending money in u " hearing this I always feel guilty. Did she even asked me wt I to be in my life , did she ever ask me if I'm happy with her decision, the answer is no, never not even one's.
I never complaint her, I just said yes to wt ever she wants me to do.
I am jealous of my friends , my classmates who can do whatever they want, they hv understanding parents who support they in which ever path they choose. I am always asked to study study and I did, I did wt ever she wants me to do. cares alot about my siblings but treated me differently. yes I luv my mom I understand she is going through so much but can she understand me. she always let me do the things that I don't like. always tell me don't do this and that, and I respect her.
I talk to no one iam always a silent girl I don't talk much. once I told my mom I don't want to be doctor nor engineer and I wasn't to be, before I completed my word she slapped me and said "u only hv two opsion choose one l" answered coldly. I cried I said to myself " I hv my dream I don't want to do something that I don't want "
in my 10th class, during pre board she said I hv to score 100 in each subject or else she will beat me to death. those any parents say like this. I tried my best, I studied hard I gave all my best to score good mark but it was not up to her expectation, she locked me and beat and left lots of buries in my body, she kept me hungry. But I said myself " she loves me that's my she did this " but I was heartbroken when she said, I am just a shame for her, I am nothing but useless. am I a thing to be used I'm also a human ,im ur daughter , also hv a heart , just y can't u luv me or understand me, I always see hatred in ur eyes towards me, y.
I just feel like I am tied with chains and been controlled I am not allowed to play, not allowed to go out not allowed to do wtever I want.
I hv no body. when ever my marks disappoint her she always beat me to bead not apply any medicine leave me bleading and saying useless child.
I am done if I am not happy with this life y y just y should I leave with all this pain , I just want to run away but I can't so y not just end my life, yes just end this.
She then killed herself and wrote a letter to her mom and siblings
letter for my mom and siblings.
mom u known wt I am tired. I want some rest . if don't take rest then I don't think I can stay healthy.
I known mom u suffered alot, I known u luv me and I hope so. I can't mom I can't I really need reat I hope u understand. u known wt mom I never wanted to be a doctor nor engeneer but always want to be a model, is it bad to dream something. I listened what ever u want me to do, thinking that u care and love me but wt I got in return only hate. did I did a crime that I deserve this . I don't really know if u luv me but ya I always luve u mom. I don't blame u for all this but blame my self not been as good as u want. sorry mom for not able to be someone that u want, sorry for just giving up my life, sorry to not be there with u until u grow old, I am really sorry for been weak I am sorry mom but I hope u will let my siblings choose their own way
, I hope u can understand them mom. My their babies plz don't be like me, I'm really weak, plzz stay strong always take care of mom stay healthy, I will meet u guys in a beautiful place when time come. luv u mom my babies and I am really sorry mom.
your daughter
happy🙂
