Yeah am fine!.......
I say those words whenever someone asks me if: I'm cool?
Or okay?
And yeah I'm so fuçking fine I feel okay – even when am not okay... I say I'm alive when I feel like dying.
I laughed so hard to things that makes no sense, WHY?.
Because I have to say am okay am fine, living the life full of lies and masks, but do they noticed.......
Of course not!!
I hide put on a smile, saying it's okay when I feel like crying... sometimes I wonder can I tell them
NO! AM NOT FINE.
NO! NOTHINGS GOING WELL.
I FEEL SO FUÇKING BAD.
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?!!!!
Can't you see my pain!!
Me saying I'm FINE doesn't mean am FINE... It complicated and I don't even know how?
Not ever FINE means am okay
Not ever SMILE means am happy
Not ever DAMN THING I do means I am feeling that way!!!
But at the ends it always stays in my head not leaving – just there, resting slowly bottling up until one day it goes BOOM 💨
Haa!! Sometimes I can't I hate this so damn much... The lack of attention
The denial
The hate
The mask I tried do hard to wear
But no one noticed, they don't ask — even if they do I can't tell they not because I don't trust them, but because I can't tell them!
WHY??
Even I myself don't know
When asked ARE YOU OKAY?! all I say is
YEAH AM FINE 🙂
HOW ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU OKAY?!!
