You know, last night I cried a lot like, a lot. I cried until my breath became uneven. I cried until I fell asleep. It was a horrible night, the night when I got a panic attack, and trust me, I felt so helpless. I was literally shaking. What have I done to myself? What have I become? The girl who used to smile even at the little things is now crying over a minor inconvenience. I felt so helpless last night that I begged God either to stop all of this or to let me not see the next morning. That was the worst breakdown of my life. I felt like I was losing control of myself, like my own mind was turning against me. I didn't know how to calm down, how to breathe, or how to stop the storm inside me. Sometimes, I wonder when things became this heavy. When did life start feeling like a burden instead of something to look forward to? I miss the version of me who found joy in the smallest moments, the girl who didn't overthink every little thing.
Sometimes, I wish someone could see how hard I'm trying just to stay okay. Because some nights, surviving your own thoughts feels like the hardest battle of all.
