A Bizarre Journey ep 31: The Love Advisor

My name is Quan. Nguyen Van Quan. And somehow I got married to the girl whom dad had just been taken away by a homeless man riding on a giant golden fish.

That was not a joke. Unless if you consider my whole life as a circus, which is fairly deserving.

~~~•••~~~

The corridor was a blender set to “cosmic accident.”

Paperwork from some forgotten office dimension slapped me in the face. A rice cooker drifted past, still steaming, completely unbothered by the fact that reality was currently doing parkour.

Somewhere behind us Loc and Tram were yelling. I saw them fall first — one second they were there, the next they were just two disappearing dots in a storm of glowing pages.

I did what any responsible younger brother with zero survival instincts would do.

I followed Loc’s example.

And I roared.

Not a normal roar. A full-chest, “I watch too many trailers,” completely unnecessary heroic roar that made a floating tax form disintegrate on contact.

“QUYNH!”

She was spinning sideways through a cloud of half-written myths. I lunged for her hand like this was a movie and I was the designated grabber. My fingers closed around her wrist—

—and immediately made everything worse.

The motion yanked both of us into a tighter spiral. A portal the color of bad decisions opened under us like it had been waiting for exactly this level of competence.

Quynh’s voice cut through the wind, furious and rapid and entirely in Ancient Greek. I didn’t understand a single word, but the tone was crystal clear: You absolute disaster, what did you just do.

We fell through the portal.

Then I was standing on solid stone.

No wind. No rice cooker. No screaming.

Just a quiet preparation room lit by soft oil lamps, smelling like olive oil and expensive herbs. I looked down.

I was wearing a white tunic that actually fit. A light cloak. Sandals that didn’t immediately give me blisters. My hair had decided to look intentionally windswept instead of “I lost a fight with a ceiling fan.”

I turned in a slow circle, staring at my own arms.

“…Okay. Okay, this is a glow-up. The universe finally understood the assignment.”

There was a lyre leaning against the wall. I picked it up immediately because of course I did.

The second my fingers touched the strings I remembered Quynh, weeks ago, sitting on the floor of the project room with three open books and a half-eaten bag of chips, talking too fast about Greek lyres and how the number of strings changed the entire emotional register of a song. She had been so into it her eyes did that shiny thing.

I strummed once.

The sound that came out was the musical equivalent of stepping on a duck.

“Still counts,” I told the empty room. “Character development.”

I kept exploring.

There was a small table with little bottles of scented oil. I opened one, sniffed it, nodded like a man who understood grooming, and immediately knocked a ceramic vase off the table with my elbow. It shattered across the floor in a very dramatic, very expensive-sounding way.

I was still staring at the pieces, halfway between “I should clean that” and “maybe the room will just forgive me,” when a servant appeared in the doorway.

He took one look at the broken vase, one look at the lyre in my hand, and decided not to comment.

“My lord Orpheus,” he said. “Are you ready?”

I blinked.

“Ready for what?”

My eyes were probably too wide. The servant looked at me the way people look at a child who has just asked where babies come from during a funeral.

“For the ceremony, my lord. Your bride is waiting.”

There was a short, pure silence while my brain buffered.

Bride.

Ceremony.

Wife.

Every love-advice script I had ever written for strangers on the internet suddenly stood up and started screaming in triumph.

I straightened so fast the cloak nearly choked me.

“Yes,” I said, already switching into Husband Mode with the speed of a man who had been waiting his entire life for the universe to hand him a quest marker. “Yes. Obviously. I was just… warming up the lyre. Vocal exercises. Husband things. Lead the way.”

I had no idea who I was marrying.

I had no idea where I was.

I had no idea why I was suddenly good-looking and holding a musical instrument I could not play.

But somewhere outside this room, there was a bride.

And I had given other people advice about this exact moment for years.

I stepped over the broken vase, adjusted my cloak like it was a suit jacket, and followed the servant out, already smiling too hard and completely, catastrophically ready.

The servant pushed open the last door and sunlight spilled across the stone.

I stepped into the courtyard.

And the world, very quietly, stopped.

She was standing near the center, barefoot on the warm flagstones, wearing a simple white wedding dress that moved when the breeze did. No heavy jewelry. No complicated veil. Just clean fabric and the kind of light that made everything else look like it had been waiting for her to arrive.

Quynh.

My brain offered the name first. Then it offered nothing else useful for several full seconds.

I had imagined versions of this. Of course I had. Late nights, bad advice columns, the occasional humiliating daydream I never admitted to anyone. None of them looked like this. None of them had the actual weight of her standing there in a wedding, looking like someone had taken every soft and sharp part of her and decided the only reasonable response was to put her in white under open sky.

I walked toward her slowly.

Not the usual Quan walk — the one that arrived too fast and talked too loud. This one felt careful, like the ground might change its mind if I startled it.

Each step landed with the strange, private gravity of something I had wanted for so long that actually receiving it felt almost holy.

The music, the guests, the distant smell of olive and wine — all of it receded into a low, distant hum. The only thing that remained sharp was the distance still left between us, and the fact that I was allowed to close it.

I kept going.

When I finally stopped in front of her, I was smiling like an idiot and completely unable to do anything about it. The expression sat on my face without permission. I didn’t try to fix it.

Quynh looked up. Relief crossed her face first, quick and unguarded.

“Quan. Do you know what happened? Do you remember the corridor, the notebook, anything?”

I opened my mouth.

What came out was not information.

“…You look really good.”

She stared at me.

“That’s not an answer.”

“I know. I’m… processing.” I made a vague, helpless gesture that took in her dress, the courtyard, the ridiculous tunic I was wearing. “You’re here. In a dress. We’re… I think we’re getting married?”

Quynh exhaled through her nose — the exact sound she used to make in the project room when Minh proposed something emotionally effective and structurally insane.

“Yes. We’re inside a myth. That’s why. You’re Orpheus. I’m Eurydice. This is our wedding.” Her voice stayed low and fast. Excitement kept flickering underneath the urgency no matter how tightly she tried to hold it down. “The notebook is testing us. It’s putting us through the stories as the characters. The others are probably going through the same thing right now-“

A horn sounded from the far end of the courtyard. Guests began shifting. The ceremony was starting.

Quynh’s jaw tightened.

“Listen. After the main rites, when they move us toward the feast, follow my lead. We slip out through the side garden. There’s a colonnade that should be empty. We talk there. Full download. No improvising until then. Understood?”

I nodded immediately, the picture of cooperation.

“Understood. Side garden. Colonnade. No improvising.”

Inside my head a completely different conversation was happening:

We are getting married.


She is looking at me like I am still a competent project partner and not the human embodiment of a wish I never said out loud.


I am going to follow every instruction she gives and also memorize the exact way the light is hitting her right now.

Quynh studied my face for a second longer, as if checking for residual brain damage, then gave a short nod.

“Don’t do anything enthusiastic.”

“I would never.”

The procession began to form around us. Quynh turned toward the altar with the focused posture of a woman who had decided to survive the next hour through pure willpower.

I took my place beside her, still smiling too softly, still half-drunk on the simple impossible fact that the universe had, for once, handed me exactly the person I would have asked for.

I was already, disastrously, enjoying every second.

The ceremony began the moment someone took the lyre out of my hands.

We stood side by side under the canopy. A young couple. Radiantly in love. We failed at it immediately. I kept drifting closer; Quynh kept correcting the distance by half a step. The guests still made soft approving sounds. We let them.

The priest moved through the rituals with calm precision. I followed every gesture with pure satisfaction. I could feel Quynh watching me from the corner of her eye.

Then the gifts started.

Strangers pressed small flasks and woven bands into my hands. I thanked them with full public-facing warmth. Most left looking reassured.

In the edge of my vision two older women cornered Quynh. They pushed a heavy gold arm-ring and a small, tightly wrapped bundle of dried herbs into her palms — wedding jewelry and some kind of fertility charm.

Quynh’s face tightened into pure annoyance. She accepted the items with stiff politeness. I watched her shoulders and made a quiet mental note: a few more uncomfortable gifts like that and she was going to reach her peace limit.

Then the priest looked at me and opened the floor for a speech.

My mind went blank for half a second.

I stepped forward anyway.

I had no idea who Orpheus was supposed to be. I only knew the room, the light, and the woman standing three steps behind me in white. So I used what I always used: fast reading and pure nerve.

“Look at her,” I began, voice steady, hands open, the same cadence I used when a client needed to believe the next chapter was already waiting for them. “Standing there like the world finally remembered how to make something perfect.”

I took a gap to think and quickly continued, gathering every vocabulary that I knew:

“- That dress doesn’t hold a candle to the way she takes up space.

- That face could convince the sky to change color just to keep her attention.

- I have given advice to hundreds of people about finding the one person who makes the ordinary feel impossible, and I never once imagined the universe would actually hand her to me under an open sky like this.”

The crowd answered at once.

“Yes!”

“Speak louder!”

“The gods themselves are listening!”

A woman near the front laughed and called, “He has the words!” Someone else answered with a sharp whistle of approval. The courtyard turned loud and alive, feeding on the size of the language.

I looked back at Quynh.

Her cheeks had gone faintly pink under the compliments. The color was small and real. Something warm opened in my chest before I could stop it.

I kept going, letting the crowd’s energy pull the next lines out of me.

“Though, having such beauty doesn’t make her the most emotionally sane woman on the world. I should warn everyone now — she argues like it’s a competitive sport. I’ve seen her win debates against people who had more books, more sleep, and significantly more common sense. She once dragged her friends into a three-day argument about a single footnote and somehow made them thank her for it afterward.”

A ripple of laughter moved through the guests. Someone shouted, “A dangerous woman!” Another voice answered, “The best kind!”

I smiled with them, riding the warmth, and the words softened before I fully noticed.

“She’s hard-headed. The kind of person who sees a ridiculous idea and decides the only reasonable response is to drag every friend she has into the middle of it with her. She carries more pressure than she ever admits out loud.”

“She loves her work the way other people love breathing — completely, inconveniently, and without asking permission. And I will always be on her side. Even when the plan is nonsense. Even when the night is long. Even when she thinks she has to hold the entire story by herself.”

The cheers rose higher, messy and bright.

When I stepped back into place, Quynh had gone quiet. Not the sharp, analytical quiet I knew. Just quiet. The first small thread of worry curled in my stomach. Maybe the jokes had landed wrong. Maybe the last part had been too much. I told myself she was only staying in character, that we would laugh about it later in the colonnade.

The priest was smiling. He raised both hands and began the main ritual.

He turned to me first.

“Will you take this woman as your wife, and stay by her side?”

The courtyard waited.

“Yes,” I said. The word came out slow. It caught once in my throat. Sacred and secret and far too true.

He turned to Quynh.

“Will you take this man as your husband, and stay by his side?”

“Yes,” she answered.

Flat. Easy. No hesitation, no weight, no extra anything.

The single syllable landed clean and final.

For a moment the cheers and the sunlight and the scent of laurel kept moving around me like nothing had changed. Then the meaning arrived all at once, heavy and exact.

She had said yes the same way she used to accept a group assignment.

And she had probably never loved me.

Not more than a project.

Not once.

I stood there, frozen.

Real life or myth, the connection had always been the same shape: something I built carefully in my own head.

After this wedding ended we would go back to the old arrangement — project partners, late-night arguments about photoshoots, me as one more name on the long list of people who cared about her Greek gods more than she would ever care about them in return.

The thought was quiet and exact and left very little room to stand in.

Somewhere behind the noise the priest was probably declaring us husband and wife. I didn’t hear the words.

The crowd reached us first.

Hands closed around my arms and Quynh’s shoulders, laughing, already pulling us toward an open circle forming on the flagstones. Music started — pipes and something like a drum. People were clapping. Someone spun a woman under his arm and shouted for the newlyweds to join.

I pulled the expression back into place the way I always had. Smile first. Shoulders easy. Nothing happened. Everything was fine.

A man shoved the lyre into my hands.

“Play! A song for the bride!”

I laughed, light and practiced, and pushed it back.

“Later. My hands are still shaking from the vows. Let me survive the dancing first.”

They accepted the excuse with more cheering and dragged me into the circle anyway.

Quynh was being passed from guest to guest like a reluctant trophy. Every time someone adjusted her dress or tried to guide her shoulders she answered with a rapid, surgical stream of Ancient Greek that the guests smiled through without understanding. The lack of reaction only made her voice sharper.

Then the circle tightened and pushed the two of us together.

A couple’s dance. Of course.

I looked at her for permission I already knew she wouldn’t give out loud. She still wasn’t meeting my eyes. Doubt sat heavy in my chest.

I decided, against every sensible part of myself, to enjoy the seconds anyway. This was the only version of the story where holding her was allowed. I was not going to waste it.

I settled my hand at her waist the way the others were doing and murmured, low enough for only her,

“I practiced for high-school prom three nights in a row. I know the moves. Just follow.”

She didn’t answer. She also didn’t pull away.

We moved.

I kept the steps simple and steady, carrying most of the motion so she wouldn’t have to think about it. The crowd clapped in time. Someone whistled. Quynh’s gaze stayed fixed somewhere past my shoulder the entire time, but her hand rested against my arm, warm and real, and for a few turns the rest of the courtyard fell far enough away that I could almost pretend the silence between us was comfortable.

The dance ended in the exact position the guests had been waiting for — close, formal, faces near enough that the next request was inevitable.

“Kiss!”

The shout came from three places at once. Laughter followed. More voices joined. The circle closed in, good-natured and impossible to refuse.

My heart was beating hard enough that I was certain she could feel it. I hesitated, caught between the role and the years of wanting.

Quynh finally glanced up, jaw tight with the knowledge that backing out would only make the attention worse.

“Just do it,” she said under her breath.

So I leaned in.

Even if it was fake. Even if it belonged to characters who were not us. It was still the closest I had ever been allowed to stand. I could feel the warmth of her through the thin fabric of the dress, the faint scent of the ceremonial oil they had put in her hair, the quiet fact of her breath against my mouth.

I decided it was enough. I would take the counterfeit version and call it a win for as long as the moment lasted.

I closed the last inch.

Close enough to hear a small, dry sound that almost disappeared under the cheering.

The guests were still laughing, still calling for the kiss, completely unaware that the dream had already finished arriving and had brought the end with it.

Quynh’s weight settled against my shoulder.


The color was already leaving her face. Slow. Quiet. Like someone turning down a lamp in a room that would never be bright again.


The soft wedding music kept playing, as if the musicians had not yet been told the story had changed.


For a few stretched seconds the entire courtyard felt paused.

“Quynh.”

I said her name once.


Then again.


Then a third time, sharper.

She didn’t answer.

My knees gave out. I went down hard on the flagstones, still holding her.


The crowd exploded around us—screams, someone shouting about a snake, someone calling for a physician, a woman crying that the bride had fallen.
None of it reached me.


The world had narrowed to the exact shape of her body in my arms and the terrifying lightness of it.

Her eyes found mine.


She tried to speak.


What came out was broken and urgent and only half-formed.

“Ritual… underworld… don’t…”

The rest dissolved.


Her breath stopped in a single soft exhale I felt more than heard.

I reached up and touched her cheek.


The warmth was still there, already beginning to fade.


The fact of it broke something open in my chest.


Grief arrived all at once—heavy, wordless, absolute.


I sat there on the stone with her and refused the truth for as long as I could.


In the version of the next minute that I wanted, she would open her eyes, click her tongue, and tell me my expression looked ridiculous.


She would sit up and say something completely unnecessary about Greek mythology just to prove she was fine.


She would roll her eyes and call me dramatic.

Nothing happened.

Healers reached us fast.


Hands pulled at my shoulders, trying to separate me from her.


I resisted until I couldn’t.


They laid her on the flagstones and worked with the focused urgency of people who still believed outcomes could be changed.


I watched from a short distance, empty, while the truth finished settling: it was already too late.

When they finally stopped, the courtyard had gone strange and quiet.


I began standing up.

“We’re very sorry..” One of the healers turned to me, slowly, as if afraid the wind might knock me out again.

And that was all I could hear from them.

Quynh’s last words looped in my head—ritual, underworld, don’t—and I did what I always did when a problem refused to make sense.


I forced the pieces into a shape I could use.

Then, a memory of Minh surfaced at the worst possible moment—one of his late-night, completely unhinged project rants about how “if the story won’t open the door you just start banging objects together until the universe gets embarrassed and cooperates.”

I moved.

I snatched the lyre from the guest still holding it.


I grabbed the snake with my other hand, even as it hissed in protest.


I kicked over a ceremonial bowl of oil, stepped through the spill..

..and started striking the lyre with the snake like it was the most logical instrument combination in history.


A guest tried to intervene. 
I thanked him, took his floral wreath, and added it to the growing pile of nonsense.


Someone screamed that the widower had lost his mind.


I agreed without stopping.

I had no idea what I was doing.
 I only knew that Quynh was gone and that every version of the future without her was unacceptable.

The air changed first—a low pressure drop that made the lamps flicker.


The spilled oil began to smoke in a pattern that had nothing to do with fire.
 The lyre strings, still sticky with whatever the snake had left on them, produced a single note that did not belong to any scale I recognized.
 The note hung in the air, thickened, and then tore a dark, vertical seam in the middle of the courtyard.

People scrambled backward.


I did not.

I looked at the opening, at the impossible dark on the other side, and felt the familiar reckless clarity that always arrived when I had already committed to the worst plan in the room.

“All right,” I said to no one. “Underworld it is.”

I stepped through before the story could change its mind—lyre in one hand, the last of Quynh’s warmth still fading from the other—and the wedding courtyard collapsed into black behind me.