I know it's wrong to fall for you, I know it's stupid to think about you this way, but I can't help it...
I'm at my best friend's house right now. We are currently lying on the bed with ice cream in our hands and watching Netflix... it's her favourite !
I know it's just not so convincing to eat ice cream while watching a movie but she's full of surprises.
It's been 7 years since we know each other. We've been best of friends.
We talk, we gossip and our conversation can go on for hours, like every other best friends do... but yet everytime I speak to her I feel something new, I discover something new and I fall for her even more.
As the day unfolds and the night welcomes us, I bid goodnight to her reluctantly, although my only wish at that moment is to hold her tight and tell her not to go but...I can't
It's been really tough for me to hide all these emotions from her.... and also because she's really good at reading people, so she can immediately understand what's going on in other person's brain.
But what if she could understand what my heart feels for her rather than just reading my mind. I just keep on dreaming if someday she'll understand my love and will love me back in the same passion... but some dreams can never become a reality, isn't it ?
I'm well determined to never tell her about my feelings towards her, because I know she's straight and I am a LESBIAN. She doesn't know about my true identity...well, it's not that I never planned on telling her about it but it's just that I'm afraid she'll start hating me.
I snapped out of my thoughts when she called out my name,
"Hey Christina, the movie is about to end...where are you lost ?"
I love the way she calls out my name, the way her lips roll while saying it... I just keep staring at them and wonder how would it feel to have those soft lips in between my very own.
She waved her hand in front of me interrupting my thoughts, and I made contact with her dark-brown eyes...her eyes....which always have an unspoken joy in them.
"What happened? Where are you lost? " she asked again. Today it's becoming more hard for me to control, I just want to grab her and kiss her hard....god Christina control !!!
I immediately shifted my gaze back at the TV because if I were to continue staring at her, I would ravish her at any moment. On seeing the TV screen, I discovered that the movie has already ended and so has the time staying with her. I got up from the bed to take my leave, but she said,
"Why don't you stay here tonight ? It's pretty late anyways "
"Umm... it's ok, I can go I guess ", I said though my heart just wanted to agree.
"Your wish...but it's really late now, and I think it's better to stay", she said again and I finally accepted.
We both laid on either side of her bed.
"Goodnight", she said and I closed my eyes. It's been more than an hour but I'm still not able to sleep. I felt the bed dips and I so want to turn around and look at her. I gave in to my temptation and turned around.
She was facing towards me, her eyes closed, mouth partly open, I could feel her breaths on my face, her hair running down her shoulders to her waist, her long legs which were naked as she wore shorts....she looks angelic. I stared at the pure beauty sleeping beside me. I then looked up to her face, her eyes were now open and she was looking at me... my heart nearly dropped when I noticed she's awake, hope she didn't caught me staring at her body
I smiled awkwardly, what surprised me is that she smiled back at me.
"Not feeling sleepy ?", she asked.
"What about you ? why aren't you asleep yet?", I asked her instead.
She then turned and faced the ceiling, " Not getting sleep", she said.
I thought I could now use this opportunity to ask her about the only question that's ringing in my head like since ever. I took a deep breath and said,
"Angela...what is your opinion about lesbians ?"
Upon hearing my question, she looked at me for a second and then back at the ceiling.
"My opinion about lesbians ?... umm...I think, even they are human beings", she laughed finishing her sentence...this girl
"Ok I'm not joking Angela, and I expect a serious answer to my question", I said sounding a bit frustrated.
"And I'm serious too", she said looking at me and continued,
"I think there's no problem in being a lesbian or a gay....unless a person is a good human being, it doesn't matter if they are lesbian or gay or straight"
I smiled really very brightly when I heard her opinion and I did my little happy dance inside.
"But why did you ask about this now? ", she said.
I thought that this is the right timing to tell her about what exactly I feel for her, taking another deep breath... I looked at her
"Angela... " she turned towards me
"I asked you because that's how I feel for you", she looked confused hearing my reply.
I sat on the bed and imitating my action, she too sat on the bed. I know I'm taking a big risk of telling her my true identity, but I've to tell her someday or the other so why not now ?!
"Angela... the thing is, I'm a lesbian" I said it ! I finally confessed to her !
She just stared at me and I'm kinda nervous of what she would say...
"That's okay I guess", she said. What?!!!! did I hear it correctly?
"You're not angry at me right ?", I confirmed.
"No Christina...not at all, I told you it's absolutely ok ", she said making me relieved.
I then took another risk and said,
"Actually I'm in love with you and I love you... like a lot"
Her eyes widened and I'm really scared now...
"What ?!", she said standing up. I was ready for this, I stood up and gathered my courage to say it and I know I'm not doing wrong...
"Yeah, you've not been JUST A FRIEND to me... you meant more than that Angela. All these years, every single time when I used to talk to you, I get even more attracted to you. Every boy who used to stare at you, I felt like killing all of them. I didn't understand it back then why did I feel so possesive of you, I even used to hate myself for getting attracted to you and thinking about you all the time.
But it didn't took me long to understand what I really feel for you...I have fallen in love with you very deeply Angela"
I opened my eyes, I don't even remember of closing them. I looked at Angela and she had tears in her eyes...
No no no.... I don't want her to be hurt, I don't want her to be sad, I opened my mouth to say something but soon enough, something really soft and sweet landed on my lips.
I realised that Angela was kissing me... I don't know why but at that moment, I just pulled her into me and kissed her back with more passion.
We then pulled back after a really long kiss and we were certainly short of breath.
She rested her forehead on mine. I was actually very confused of her reaction and I guessed she read my mind so she said,
"I knew you are a lesbian, I don't know when exactly I started to see you in a different way, in a romantic way.....but by each passing day, I just wanted you beside me, I just craved for your attention. I want to see you happy, it pains my heart when you're sad... it hurts even more when you refuse to share your troubles with me Christina.
I don't know what's this feeling called, if it's love then that's how I feel for you "
After listening to this, I think the word 'happiness' also won't be able to express how I feel right now. It's beyond happiness, joy, excitement.
I brought her lips to mine and kissed her nibbling her lower lip. I picked her up and she circled her legs around my waist. We made our way to the bed and I never knew this night would change both of our lives, our relationship...
That night was the most splendid and happiest night of my life. I never thought that I would ever get her love for me, not atleast in this life... but then I realised that our dreams come true, our desires come true. All we need to do is to go for it, take the risk and BOOM, what else? your dreams become reality and trust me when you achieve your dreams in the real life, the reality will be more beautiful than you've imagined.
I took that one risk, gathered my courage to confess to Angela, and to my surprise she already knew about it and was waiting for me to take the first step. The same way even God is waiting for you to take the risk, He has planned a surprise for you, He has a gift for you in the end and in return He just wants you to have some courage and take the risk.
Take the Risk, trust yourself, be positive and you'll always be happy, and I think that's how I feel !
