This is to help people, not a story.So you know how I was talking about how my aunt threw me against walls? I was maybe 6-8 when this happened, and I remember this one time, I was on my DS, yes a Nintendo Ds. My aunt came into the room and I hid it behind me cause she had massive footsteps, so when she came into the room she's like "where's your game, I told you not to be on it" I pointed to the pillow it was under. "I wasn't on it" Of course I lied like the kid I was, faced against a gremlin. My mom then came into the room and my aunt snickers. "Watch this, this is how I get Dominic(Her son and the cousin who ruined my body) to confess him lying., what level were you on?" Okay please keep in mind I was fuc'King 6 year old, but I wasn't a dumb@ss like her."I don't remember" I remember whispering out. She then preceded to get pissed off and take my DS and leave the room with my mom. I think it's funny how the people that hurt you so much in the past can be complete duumb@sses it makes you laugh. I wonder if I could restart my life with the knowledge I have already, and if I could make it better, but the damage has been dealt, we can only live on with it engraved into our bodies and minds. So I had a social worker called on me, first meeting virtual she called me depressed. Second meeting she found out I had family problems. Okay, of course I have family problems. And the third meeting she found out I was suicidal. Two lines out of our whole conversation that actually had some weight to it. One was "People with heart problems take meds, it's normal because mental illness is a Illness too, so there's nothing wrong with taking meds." Love how these people want to automatically drug me up frist before sending me to therapy or doing a combination of both. The second was "Your not okay, there is something wrong with you if your having these thoughts" I think I was in such denial that I was depressed that having someone tell me this made me so happy, because I literally was going insane, everyone was like, you have no reason to be depressed, the past is in the past, why are you depressed, your not doing this to get attention right, you don't need a service dog, you just wanna be put on meds. Okay, first of all, depression isn't optional, I swear on my life if I hear someone saying this to anyone this Depressed ill give them a fuc'king broken nose Because words are weapons, and it can be lethal at times too. And second, why would I want to be put on meds that make me a walking vegetable? I'm not saying this to offend anyone who i taking antidepressants or sleeping pills, because believe me at times I begged for anything to make me feel normal or at least stop my mental breakdowns, but medicine does mess you up sometimes. It's funny I'm not scared of death, but not being my own self. And what I was talking about with the service dog is that my depression stems from Complex PTSD also known as CPTSD. And I have social anxiety which is not good whatsoever when Im in public and I have a panic attack or anxiety attack. I considered getting a service dog because my problems stem from people relationships or people in general, but I never had a dog... so I don't know how well that would work. And why am I writing this on mangatoon? It's because people are suffering everywhere, and some words can help someone in so many ways. At first I wasn't going to continue writing these stories, but then my old manager who also suffers from cptsd and social anxiety and so much more said that I should, because it had helped her. And maybe others, maybe not, but the smallest chance that someone who is confused or sad needs help, I want you to know that im here, I may have not experienced what you have, but I have my fair share of being depressed and studuggling everyday just to make the day end faster. Dm me anytime, cause I literally have nothing else I would rather do then help you, or even just listen to you.
