Chaper 1
Sometimes when i wake up i force myself to go back to sleep so i don't have to feel this pain anymore. This voice in my head scares me. It constantly replays all the mistakes ive made in my life, not just a few times but everyday all day.
I cant get the voice to stop. No matter how hard i try to think of different things to take my mind off of it, its always there reminding me of what a shitty person i was and currently am. What are you supposed to do when this voice wants you to kill yourself, every single day. I just want it to stop but it just gets louder as time goes on. This pain in my head and this pain in my heart is too much to take. i pray to god that he takes it away. I pray that i can beat this demon inside of me.
My life is filling with my children. they are the only thing that keeps me from killing this demon inside me.If i did not have them i would of killed myself years ago. Im barely hanging on. I try so hard to block it out but in my head its rather loud. the only thing that quiets it is drugs.That is my only escape from this evil voice. When im high everything in my head goes quiet, no voice no pain just relaxed. I know its not a way to cope but ive tried drawing, painting, reading and going to a gym. It doesnt work for me. I feel hopeess. am i?
