I wish I didn't love you😔❤❤

This is my story of finally realising what I should've done before.

~Reina's POV~

On our wedding day,I was so happy even if I knew this was an arranged marriage for you to inherit your company, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Being with you was everything I wished for. I thought you would at least like me if I did everything you wanted, but it turns out I was wishing for something that was never gonna happen. I now know you won't ever love me. In fact I knew that ever since we started living together. But I could help but wish you'd love me to. But that was just a stupid wish of mine.

A few years before we got married, you told me not to expect any affection from you, but I wanted to change your mind. So I tried to do everything for you to at least be comfortable with me around. So I did everything I could. I would greet you everytime you come home, I would put your bag away, I would clean around the house and your office touching the places you allowed me to, cooked dinner for you in Hope's of us eating together, thought you'd always ignore me, so I had to eat my dinner late without you and I would do everything you tell me to do. But the only time you'd notice my presence is when were in bed. At least I'm useful. Right?

I don't know why everytime you look at me you'd always show such hatred on your face and talk about how I left you there in the water. I really wish you'd talk to me about what I did to make you so mad. But as I said, "I wish". It sounds pathetic writing this all in my journal, probably because it's the only one who actually listens to me. I wish Alisa my best friend was here, but she's busy pursuing her career abroad and I dont wanna burden her. Or you cuz you'd always ignore me or tell me you dont wanna talk about our problems. That's why I cant do anything but hold it all in.

I tried to visit your office to bring you lunch, but everytime i go there, your either gone somewhere or eating other girls. So I always just leave the food there in case you get hungry again, but you end up giving it to someone else. But I dont mind, as long as you know it was from me.

I went back home to my parents a few days ago, I thought it was fine because you probably wont even realise I'm not home, so I went there alone. But that's when I met one of my closest maid, Sarah. So told me what happened, about how you were out having dinner with another girl and even booked a room at a hotel together. At first I didnt believe it, but the picture she held in front of me was proof. I couldnt believe it so I called you to ask where you were that night. But you lied, you told me you were at a business party. That's when I broke down.

I just couldn't handle it anymore, 3 years. I've been holding it in but I just couldn't accept the fact that he did that. I wished it was all in my head, but it wasn't. I told him holding in my tears, telling him that I would stay in my parent's house for a few days but he didn't care. What did I expect. For the first 2 days I did nothing but cry. 3rd day, I reflected on everything that has happened and all that efforts I wasted for 3 years, loving him. I devoted all my time for him, staying at home and not pursuing my dream. But on the fourth day I talked to my parents, they told me that I could divorce him if I wanted, they only allowed me to marry him because I wanted to. What would you expect, I loved him since high school. But they told me how badly he treated me and that I should end it and find the happiness I deserved, but he was the only one I wanted. I wish he loved me but I knew he didnt. On the first day, I realised many stuff, how I was wasting my time trying to make him love me when I knew he wouldn't. Also how I was pestering him all this time. So I decided to focus on myself. I decided to go back home.

When I went back home, I thought that he would be there at home, but he wasn't. I was tired from crying and having no appetite anymore, so I decided to cook myself dinner and go to bed. It was late in the night when I woke up. I turned around to find a warm space in the bed, but when I opened my eyes, Antonio was right in front of me but because I was tired I didn't even realise, but I got closer to his chest and hugged him because he was warm.

When I woke up Antonio was already gone, then I was wondering how it was so cold without him in the bed anymore, but then I realised what I did last night. I hugged him and he hugged me back. I couldn't help but blushed but I needed to snap back to reality. He probably didn't realise it was me so he hugged me back. I then felt disappointed but it was better than have false hope. So I decided to clean the house and while i was cleaning I decided to finally get a job. I always wanted to do something about business and luckily my husband was the CEO of a large company, but I decided to rely on no man now.

I was reading a book after finishing dinner and this time I felt good. Usually I'd wait late at night for Antonio to finish his work to eat dinner but he always had an excuse not to eat with me, so i always ate at night. But because i knew he was doing this, I decided to not wait for him anymore and ate as much as I wanted. While I was reading he came home, so I quickly got up and asked him if I could work. But as usual he just said yeah. But I thought that was all was gonna say, but he told me that he would find a spot in his company, but I rejected him and told him I would find another place, but he told me that it would be best if I just worked there because there might be rumours that we're on bad terms, but wasnt it true. But I couldn't say anything so I just nodded and continued to take off his coat and put his stuff away. I didnt even realise what i did until i sat back on the couch. The next few days i was getting ready to work in the company but I told him to not tell anyone we were married because I didnt want people talking.

So the next few days I was settling at work, and I finally made a new friend, his name was Jay. I was actually happy with him around and because we always hung out I went home late. After a few months, me and Antonio didnt talk much so I thought that everything was okay and tried to forget about how he went to a hotel with another girl, until one night.

When I went home after having dinner with Jay, I saw Antonio waiting for me in the couch. He asked me where i was, so I told him I went out for dinner. But the he started to shout at me talking about how it wasnt proper for me to go out with a guy so late at night cuz I'm a married woman. So I lost it, I told him about how much he annoyed me and how I dont care if he hundred out with other girls as long as he didnt disturb my life. And he got mad, he told me that he didnt hand out with any woman and even if he did it was none of my concerns, so he pushed me on the bed and kissed me. I dont know why but everytime he did this i couldn't help but go with it. But then I pushed him away and told him that if he could hand out with girls then I could hang out with guys to. But he told me that I couldn't because I was his. The next thing I knew was that he started taking off my clothes and we were both naked.

The next morning when I woke up, for the first time he was there beside me. I woke up in his arms and as I was about to get up, a pain in my back suddenly hit me, so if fell back on the bed. Then I heard a chuckle beside me, I looked up and saw Antonio looking at me. I got embarrassed so i hid my face in the pillow. Then i suddenly remembered that i had work so i tried to get up but he stopped me. He told me that I didn't have to go to work so I listened because I was too tired. We lasted until the sun came up so I fell asleep again.

When I woke up I smelt breakfast and went out cuz i was hungry. I saw Antonio setting the plates, so I sat down surprised because the never did anything like this before. After I finished eating I sat in the living room watching TV. Then Antonio came and sat beside me. While we were watching, Jay called me and asked me if I wanted to grab lunch with him because he needed advice on how to plan a surprise so he can propose to his girlfriend. So I agreed and got ready, as I was changing Antonio came in the room and asked where I was going so I told him. After he heard I was meeting up with Antonio, he grabbed my wrist and told me that I can't go. But it wasnt up to him so I told him he needed me to plan a proposal and I couldnt miss it. But after he heard that he relaxed and let go of my hand, then he realised what he did. So he apologised and wanted to put medicine but I brushed his hand away and continued changing. Then I left.

After I came back home Antonio suddenly grabbed me and started kissing me. But I pushed him away, I asked what he was doing and he said he regretted letting me meet up with Jay. So I told him that he shouldn't care. And his answer was 'I am ur husband'. So I got mad, yes he is my husband but does he act like one. I told him everything that I've been building up. About how even if he ignores me, doesnt eat dinner with me, go to a hotel with other girls and dont even care about her, its fine because she cant handle it anymore. Then I came to a conclusion. "I wish I didnt love you". Is what I said. Instead of wishing he would love her back, she decided it would've been best if I never loved him.

I finally let it all out, but it still hurts so much. I fell to the floor crying, I had so much feelings I kept in that it all burst out.

I heard something hit the floor so I looked at him. Tears. He was crying. I was shocked because I never seen him cry before or showed any emotions but anger, disgust and annoyed. So I looked up and he kneeled down in front of me. "If you loved me then why did you leave me in the lake to drown? You ran away." he said. But i didnt know what he was talking about until it hit me. I looked at him and a memory came to me. It was about a boy I saw get pushed into a lake and was trying to get out. So I looked at him not knowing what to do so I ran. I ran to find something that could help me pull him up. But there was nothing. So I jumped in the cold lake to save him. But by now he was unconscious. But because I didint know how to swim, I passed out. Then I woke up at home with a cold and I never saw the boy again. Knowing what happened I laughed.

So I told him. Only then he realised what happened, he apologised, he said that he thought that all I wanted was his money and that he only stayed because he loved me. So he hugged me. But I felt so dumb. But because of how much I went through I didnt wanna suffer anymore.

"Let's get a divorce" I said.

I just wanted this to be over. After u said that Antonio looked at me with eyes full of hurt. "what?" he said confused. So I repeated it, I told him that i didnt want to do this anymore. But he told me to stay. I looked away not wanting to look him in the eyes. "You dont have to do anything, all you have to do is stay by my side and I'll use the rest of my life proving how much I love you". He said, he wanted to start again but I didnt know what to do. So I gave him one more chance and if he doesnt change. Then I'm leaving for good. So I nodded my head. Then he smiled brightly and kissed me while we both cried. That night it was a different experience that the other nights before. He made me feel loved.

The next few months he tried to persue me. He took me put on dates, he secretly told me how the lunch I gave him he always ate it all, and the food that I make for dinner, he heats then up and eats it, he always took notice of what I liked and disliked and treated me with love. But that doesnt mean that I would forgive him, instead I made him suffer. We also fixed all the misunderstandings between us, like how he and the girl were friends and went to the hotel room where her fiancee, Antonio's best friend was staying in. It had been 2 months since I made him suffer. Then I went to my parent's house to visit them with Antonio and my parents were shocked.

So I told my mom everything that happened and she help remind me something. Even if he made me suffer and I'm doing the same thing, we shouldn't waste anymore time but use the time we have now and use it loving eachother.

So when I went back home, I thought of what my home said. We were both getting settled in bed, when I told him, "Antonio, I love you" I said just saying it out of nowhere and when I realised what I said I got embarrassed. Then I looked at him to see his reaction and his face was even redder than a tomato. So I laughed, then I went on top of him and kissed him. "I love you too" he said kissing me.