Diary of A Pure-Hearted Woman

*Julian Maverick Anthony*

I never knew how much pain she felt. How hard it was for her to face all this, how tired she was to go through all the torture all this time, until I found a book in her own handwriting. In that book, she expressed all the bitterness, all the sadness she experienced.

In the book, too, all the secrets that were never revealed, are revealed in the blink of an eye. How regret I was for my actions then.

I read page after page of the book. It starts with telling the story of her life which was very happy at first, until the dark moments in her life. She endured all the pain, all the aches, all the bitterness in her life alone without anyone knowing, not even her parents.

She hid tears of sadness with a bitter smile that was misunderstood by everyone. It was that smile that made everyone unaware of the nightmare she was having at the time.

In the book, she wrote:

"How I really hope the happy moments in my life never stop. How I really hope one day, he will realize my presence and know my feelings towards him. I never asked for all this to happen, I never wanted to snatch someone's love. At this time , I can only surrender to destiny. If destiny does not allow me to be with him, I am willing to resign myself and return him to the true love of his heart ".

I still remember a few days before I married Nathalia, her sister, we received news that made me almost like a madman.

Nathalia disappears and no one knows where she went or where she was at the time. As we were running out of time and all the guests of honor had been invited, we had to also proceed with the wedding even though we did not know how to contact Nathalia.

At that point, dad made a decision that really surprised us all as well as Nathalia’s family, which was to replace Nathalia with her younger sister, a year younger than her, Evangel. Although at first everyone disagreed, my father managed to persuade them, especially Evangel.

With that, our marriage took place. Everything went smoothly although there were some guests who were surprised because the name and appearance of the bride was different from the one displayed on the invitation card.

Now, as I rethink it all, how I really hope dad doesn’t make that decision. It was that decision that shattered her happiness and gave her 1001 bitterness that she had to swallow.

The days after the wedding became the happiest days of my life and Evangel before my mind changed everything. Those were also the days that made my heart vibrate again after receiving the news of Nathalia’s disappearance.

Two months after our wedding, once again we received shocking news. We were invited to return to the home of Evangel’s parents. When I got there, I was surprised to see a figure I knew very well. Nathalia. She's back.

She was back at a time when I was married to someone else, even though that person was her own sister. Nathalia cried seeing me side by side with her sister. I felt like I was in a dream, but Evangel's tight grip at that moment made me realize that I was in the real world. I let go of Evangel’s hold and I could feel that she was hurt at that moment.

Evangel and Nathalia’s parents didn’t want to interfere in our affairs, so they let us discuss and resolve the issue. As soon as their parents left us, Nathalia hugged me tightly. I was shocked and as if my brain could not process what was going on at the time.

I stole a look at Evangel’s reaction, and it looked like she was very jealous but didn’t want to say anything.

"I'm sorry, I left you before our wedding day", Nathalia said.

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me", Nathalia said amidst her tears.

I didn't seem to know what I was doing at that time. I patted Nathalia's shoulder, letting her hug me tightly even though I knew what we did was wrong.

We went home after finishing business at Evangel’s parents' house. Evangel didn’t utter a word all the way home, not because she was angry at me, but I could see the sadness in her eyes.

A few days later, I received a message from Nathalia’s number and it really surprised me. Nathalia told me that Evangel had planned all this because she had feelings for me. Nathalia also sent me some photos of the evidence, which were photos of me taken when I was still in college. Yes, me, Nathalia and Evangel went to the same college and that’s where we met.

I drowned in an overflowing rage after knowing it all. It never crossed my mind that Evangel would do all this. That's where my thoughts about her changed. I began to see her as a cruel woman, willing to do such a thing to her own sister.

I flipped to the next page and read:

"It hurts. It hurts so much. What do I have to do to make him believe my words? I accidentally mention Nathalia's name when I tried to tell him the real thing."

Back then, I remember that as soon as Nathalia’s name came out of her mouth, I without hesitation, slapped her so hard that there was a scratch mark on her cheek as a result of our wedding ring that I wore. I removed the ring from my finger and threw it at her.

That was the first time I raised my hand at her. I rarely go home and always stay at hotels. I'll just go back to pick up my necessities. During that time too, I met with Nathalia a lot. We spent time together like the old days. I left Evangel alone at home.

When I opened the next sheet, I was shocked.

"I met Nathalia today. I want to resolve all the misunderstandings she has built. Nathalia said that she still loves my husband, Julian. My anger erupted at that moment. Even though she is my sister, she seems shameless. I asked her why she left Julian before they got married. Nathalia suddenly laughed loudly like a person who has lost her mind. She said that she didn't want to pretend anymore in front of me ".

"She said she was a little bored with Julian. However, seeing our marriage was so lively, she regretted her actions and decided to go back, take back the love of her heart. I felt very angry and wanted to slap her at that point as well. I warned her that she better stop all her actions before I divulge her secrets. Nathalia, without fear, replied "Do you think Julian wants to believe what you say?" I was stunned for a moment. Of course Julian will not believe me ".

Although I could not see her face as she wrote down everything she had experienced at the time, I could still feel that she was feeling very sad at that moment. I could see the traces of tears on the sheets of paper I was reading.

I read the next sheet and found that there was a five day time gap between the previous sheet and the next. That means, she didn't write this diary for five days. I read the sheets I had flipped.

"I wanted to visit mom and dad at home, so I decided to go to their house early in the morning. I also bought breakfast to eat with them. I really miss them. When I arrived at the front gate of the house, I saw Nathalia came out of the house quietly, entered a black car. I had seen the car before. I quickly hid myself as the car headed towards me.When the car passed me, I was very shocked.I knew the man. Mark. He's Nathalia's ex-boyfriend! "

"I decided to meet Mark. I want to find out what happened between him and Nathalia. Mark told me everything. It seems like he also did not know what happened between Nathalia and Julian. Mark said, Nathalia told him that she and Julian no longer have any further relationship. Nathalia told Mark that she had family problems, so she asked for Mark's help to take her away two months ago. That was a few days before Nathalia and Julian were supposed to get married ".

As soon as I read the last sentence, I held my fist tightly. How brave you are Nathalia!

I kept flipping through the next page.

"Dear diary, as soon as I came home from meeting Mark, my head felt very dizzy. I tried my best to survive, yet the pain I was experiencing betrayed me. I woke up and found myself in a hospital. A few minutes after I gained my conciousness, a middle-aged woman walked in. Judging by her attire, I knew that she was a doctor. She asked me a few questions and one of the questions that she asked was, "Do you often feel dizzy and notice any changes in yourself?" I thought for a moment before nodding. Lately, I often feel frequent headaches and drowsiness".

"She paused for a moment before telling me things I never imagined would happen to me. I mean, I know this thing is familiar, but ... why me?

Glioma. A kind of brain cancer that can be fatal and now I am in the last stage, stage four. Can I live for a few more months?"

Tears streamed down my cheeks. She never imagined that she would be diagnosed with such a disease, let alone me. She stopped writing there. My hand quickly flipped through the next sheet, but ... it was empty! Nothing was written after that. However, I kept flipping through page after page. On the last sheet, I found her pasting a piece of a picture that I knew very well, because the person in the picture was myself. But, the picture was taken on our wedding day. Below the image, it says:

"The only memory that exists is just a memory. Even though I love you in silence, I never thought of snatching you from anyone. I'm glad to meet you. Live well."

She is very stupid. Even in the last moments of her life, she wanted to atone for mistakes that were not her. I'm too late to know everything. By the time I found out, she was already in a coma. Her mother was the one who told me. Her mother came to our house. When she arrived at our house, she found the main door wide open, yet the condition of the house was very quiet. Her mother quickly stepped in and was shocked to see the state of Evangel lying on the floor. She took her daughter to the hospital.

Two weeks later, a miracle happened. She's up! She looks very fit after two weeks in a coma. When I got there, she greeted me with a sweet and warm smile. How I miss that smile. I wasted no time and continued to hug her tightly. She patted my shoulder. That day, I was so happy that she woke up. However, something strange. She often said strange words.

I remember her saying: be prepared, while gently stroking my hair and face. I ignored what she said at the time because I was too happy she woke up. I asked if there was anything she wanted. She only asked for one thing- grapes. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any grapes at the time, so I went out for a while to buy some. I also called her family to let them know. My luck wasn’t so good because I was stuck in a jammed.

About two hours later, I arrived at the hospital again. Her parents were already there to accompany her, but I didn't see Nathalia anywhere. They had been trying to call her, however, she did not receive a single call from them. I washed the grapes before feeding them to my wife.

About 4pm, she lay down again and we noticed something was wrong with her. She began to gasp like someone who had just finished running. Over time it gets stronger. Her father and mother shouted for the doctor while I held her hand tightly while calling her name. She didn't seem to hear my call. The last word I heard from her was: forgive me, before the doctor told us to leave the room.

We could not calm down while waiting outside the room. A few minutes later, the doctor came out of the room. I quickly got him while asking about my wife's condition. He just said, "Forgive us. We've tried our best. However, God loves her more." I do not believe.

I felt like someone hit my head with a hammer, I sat on the floor. Her parents cried so loudly.

Now, I'm here, reading the diary she wrote to express all the bitter and sweet feelings she has experienced all this time. I was so stupid that I believed every word of Nathalia.

It was very clear, Nathalia left me before our wedding day. Still, I believe she is innocent. How stupid I was then. I remember one time before we got the news of Nathalia's return, I fell ill. Evangel took good care of me. She gets up every night to check my body temperature and give me medicine.

She is very good, too good for a human being like me.

Evangel, there are no words I can say at this time to tell you how sorry I am for all my actions toward you. Forgive me, Evangel. I just realized that I also have feelings for you. Although I will have someone new in my life, I will always remember you.

Evangel, I love you~