Chapter Text
Jimin hated the pudgy face the sat before him in the mirror, the face he cannot run from no matter how hard he try's. Black hair fell in his dark eyes, sheet marks from the nap he took ran up the left side of his face, not that it was an uncommon sight. Jimin had been taking a lot of naps lately, not that he slept he just lay there stuck in his own thoughts. He couldn't find a reason to get out of bed for anything other than practice anymore, well practice and date night. If there was anything in the world he wouldn't miss it would be date night. He loved spending time with his boyfriend Jungkook. But lately Jimin had been keeping his distance from the maknae not wanting to burden him with his presence.
He eyed the razor on the bathroom counter with a pointed look, dark thoughts running through his mind. Lately he was having trouble finding a meaning to his life, and it made him feel even worse than he already did. He knew he was a part of BTS and had many fans, he felt selfish knowing these people looked up to him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't truly needed in the group.
A knock on the door interrupted those thoughts "
Jimin, are you ok? It's been thirty minutes."
Jimin's voice came out as a horse whisper almost making his response impossible to hear
"I'm fine Tae, just finishing up." Jimin shoved the small razorblade back its hiding place in his toiletry bag. He could never let Jungkook or anyone find it, he hated the thought of pushing his suicidal thoughts on his group, they were all stressed enough with the tour and other things going on in their lives they didn't need his pathetic feelings to deal with. Jimin felt sick as he left the bathroom, not eating more than 600 calories, or sleeping more than 7 hours in the last four days was starting to catch up to him.
His mood darkened when he got to the living room. Jungkook stood with his coat and shoes on standing by the front door, beaming
"Let's go, I'm taking you for dinner. We haven't eaten since lunch and I'm starving."
"I'm not hungry." Jimin looked down, not wanting to see the disappointed look on his boyfriend's face.
"What are you talking about, of course you're hungry. You barely had a snack while the rest of us ate." Jungkook reached out to him and something snapped
"Don't touch me!" He swatted Jungkook's hand away from him. His outburst caught the attention of the members still in the dorm, Taehyung and J-hope left their rooms and stood in the hallway, Jin was watching from the kitchen, But Jimin couldn't bring himself to care. Anger coursed through him "
You never listen! All you can think about is what you want!" "Jimin I was ju-" Jimin pushed past him before he could continue grabbing his coat off its hook "No, I'm going for a walk." He opened the door
"don't wait up"
The small man slammed the door behind him and made a break for the staircase, not stopping till he felt the cold Seoul air hit his face.
Jimin stuffed his hands into his pockets a mask inside, he could have sworn his phone was in the poket. he put the mask on. He felt relieved that his phone was back at the dorm, the last thing he needed right now was a call from one of his Hyung's, just to scold him. He just walked, let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go. At least an hour had gone by when he reached the studio, though without his phone he really didn't know. It seemed that Yoongi and Namjoon had gone home, his mood sunk. Jimin wanted to go home, but he was embarrassed by his outburst. He wanted to talk to Taehyung or Namjoon, even Jin about how he was feeling, yet any time he got close a voice held him back. The voice told him that they would look at him with pity, that they would be disgusted with him, that they would want nothing to do with him. As much as he wanted to go back to the dorm, he couldn't. He decided to crash on one of the dorm couches and deal with the consequences when the other members arrived the next morning.
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Jungkook stood in shock and hurt watching Jimin leave the dorm, anger evident on his face. Every part of his body screamed at him to chase after Jimin, but he knew trying to talk right now would make this much worse. He sat down on the couch ignoring the stares of his concerned Hyung's and pulled out his phone dialing the number of the restaurant he had made reservations at, Jungkook had planned on surprising his boyfriend with a dinner date at a nice place. He canceled the reservations quickly and headed to his room.
Jin came in within a minute, just as Jungkook had guessed he would.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Jimin just didn't want to go." Jin sighed
"You and I both know that there is more to it than that. I'm here if you ever need to talk about it." He got up to leave.
"It's just...He never wants to be around me lately. And when he is it's like he's not there. Like he would rather be anywhere else. It feels like he doesn't love me anymore." Jin whipped around and gave the Maknae a hug.
"Jungkook, Jimin loves you more than anything, you should know that. He would never want you to feel unloved." Jin sat down next to him on his bed
"Jimin's just going through something right now, I don't know what it is, but I know sooner or later he'll get past it and I'll be like this never happened."
They sat in silence for a minute
"Hyung?" "yes?" "I think we're going to break up." Jin gasped, Jungkook pretended not to see the disappointment on the elder's face
"Why would you say that Jungkook?" The youngers response was immediate
"I don't think he loves me anymore. I think I'm holding him back from happiness."
"Jungkook…"
Before Jin could get his thoughts out J-hope ran into the room, grabbing Jin's arm "you left the heat on, and whatever was in the pot is boiling over!"
"My chicken!" Jin bolted up and ran out of the room, taking J-hope with him, leaving Jungkook to his thoughts.
Later they all sat at the table, apparently one of the others had filled Namjoon and Yoongi in on what had happened earlier, because neither asked why Jungkook was still there or where Jimin was. It had only been twenty minutes, but Jungkook was already worried, what if something had happened. They ate in an awkward silence. After dinner Everyone except Yoongi sat in the Livingroom, Namjoon and J-hope talking about the choreography for one on the upcoming songs, Jin and Taehyung were taking turns with just dance, and Jungkook wanted to be in the living room when Jimin got back. Almost three hours after the incident Taehyung spoke up "Jin, it's been three hours. I'm starting to get worried, I'm gonna call him." Everyone looked up at him as he put the phone on speaker. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. They brushed it off as Jimin just not wanting to talk.
They did NOT brush it off as Jimin not wanting to talk when it was 12:00 in the morning and he had left the house at 6:00. The house was in chaos Jin, Yoongi, and Namjoon had gone to check the studio. Taehyung and Hosek were hysterical and Jungkook sat staring at the door ignoring the "what if's" posed by Taehyung and Hosek.
Another forty minutes passed, and the front door opened revealing Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi, all sporting worried faces, Jiminless. "He wasn't at the studio, and I found his phone on the ground outside our door."
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Jimin had given up on trying to sleep around 11:00, not that he knew, he never bothered checking the clocks. Getting up and deciding to go for another walk, wanting to get through all of Seoul. He walked for what felt like hours, till he felt like his feet would give out. He stopped in front of a small 24hr café, one he recognized as being a few blocks away from the dorm. He could sit have a cup of coffee than head back home, everyone would most likely be asleep by then, he could just sneak in and try to catch an hour or two of sleep. He checked the clock in the café, it was 2:00 now, everyone would be asleep. Jimin took his time, savoring every bitter sip of the black coffee.
He reached the dorm and opened the door as quietly as possible poking his head in. Tae and Hosek had fallen asleep snuggled up on the couch, Yoongi in the chair. Jimin smiled at his sleeping friends heading to the closet and grabbing two blankets covering Taehyung and Hosek, then Yoongi. He snuck back into the hallway not paying attention and ran right into a strong chest, Jimin would know that strong chest anywhere. He felt the familiar large hands pull him into the nearest room which didn't happen to be either of the boy's rooms.
Jimin looked nervously at Jungkook's face. It was the angriest he had ever seen the beautiful face.
"What the fuck?! Do you know how worried we were? You were gone for hours Jimin! We couldn't find you…" Jungkook's voice had cracked on the last word, he looked close to tears it broke Jimin's heart. Namjoon and Jin were out looking for you, I already texted them that you're here and safe." Jimin felt immense guilt
"Do you have any idea how selfish you are?!" Jungkook was yelling now, probably waking the rest of the dorm up
"Jungkook I-" He was cut off "Jimin, I…I want to break up."
Jimin's brain screamed at him to rush after him and beg him not to do this to him, to them. But he watched him walk out. Jungkook was right, he was selfish, and he really didn't deserve all this he had. Jimin returned to the bathroom and took a quick shower, the warm water did nothing to help him. He looked at himself in the mirror again, he splashed some water on it then headed to his room, stopping for some paper and a pen. Then he found his way the balcony sitting on one of the chairs at the small glass table. He looked out at the lights of the city.
That night Jimin writes his heart out on as many pages as he can. Hours later he meets a figure outside the building, "And you want me to return these in exactly 10 days?" Jimin smiled "If you could.." He handed the seven envelopes to the young man in the hoodie. "Your the best."
