My name is 'Canary' which is a beautiful golden bird with a sweet voice. I am the only daughter of my parents. Today is my wedding day. This man standing before me...is going to be my husband today. His name is Zain. He is tall, handsome and badly rich. But,...I don't love him. I belong to a poor family. But, still he is willing to marry me. He helped me pay a huge debt of my parents. So, naturally, I am paying the debt by marrying him. He loves me very much and so he doesn't care whether I love him or not. He just wants my attention and wants to marry me. When he proposed to me he said,"My love for you is enough for the both of us. I can't live without you so please marry me." According to him, he fell in love with me at first sight when we met in high school. He wants to give me the happiness of the whole world. But,...he doesn't understand me. He doesn't care what I like or dislike. He wants everything to be done according to him. If he sets eyes on something, then it must become his... just like me. He just wants a doll to obediently behave as he wants, or maybe not, but that's how I feel. I want him to understand me, to accept me as who I am. But...maybe that would be the only thing I can dream about. Hence, I became 'a lonely bird in a golden cage' as we exchanged our vows and became husband and wife.
The wedding day passed. I woke up in an enormous room in a grand and gorgeous Villa. As expected, he brought breakfast for me and told me to be ready to go out with him. I did as I was told. I smiled as he wanted, I wore his favorite colored clothes and jewels and I met people and behaved as he wanted. It's not like I am selfish but he doesn't even notice what my favorites are. He wants everything according to him. It's not like he is a bad person. He really is a very good person and husband but he is somewhat selfish and demanding. He doesn't give me his concern nor share his burdens with me. He thinks that everything can be bought with money, so he gives me happiness through money.
Now, years have passed and I became better at pretending. I can laugh even when I feel bitter. I can smile even when I am an empty shell from the inside. I am just a beautiful doll oriented with jewels to please him just like a bird in a golden cage that sings for you to make you happy. I can spend money however I want. He doesn't ask me back where I spent it. Recently, he has become very busy. He comes home late. He goes to work very early. I can not say that he has another woman because I can swear with my life that he is only faithful to me, and that is enough for me to spend my life with him. I feel like he made himself busy to avoid me. And...I feel lonelier when he is not around. Because each time when he was around, at least, he made me laugh to distract me from my thoughts. It's strange but I have become attached and habitual of him.
Months have passed and it's the same typical routine. My husband stopped paying attention to me because he has become very busy with his work but I am sure his heart still belongs to me. I have indulged myself in reading and some other activities like playing chess, watching movies and hosting parties to avoid my boredom. I feel lonelier than ever before.
Some more days passed and he became less busy. He started paying attention to me. He started to care about my opinions, my choices, my personal space and my feelings. Now, I feel as though my dream came true. The only thing that I wanted for years, my only wish...has been granted. I am happy. But this time something is different. The smile and happiness that I once felt in Zain's eyes...seemed like guilt. It was a guilty smile. I don't know what happened. What is he guilty of? Has he done something wrong? I was happy before I noticed his guilt but now I am more worried about him. He doesn't eat properly. He doesn't sleep properly and he even can't talk properly like before. What is wrong with him?
Today is a pleasant day so I decided to read in the library of the Villa. My husband suddenly came to the library and said, "Canary. Do you have a moment?" I replied, "Yes, what's the matter Zain?" I kept the book in the shelf and walked towards him. I hoped he can open up to me even a little but he is saying, "Ashma, let's divorce." My feet froze to the ground because I never once thought of leaving him. It was the first time, I felt fed up of pretending and acted genuinely. I started crying, grabbed his collar and asked, "This is how you are treating me when I abandoned my heart, choices and feelings just to make you happy? I tried so hard that I became an empty shell. Now you got bored of me so you are leaving me on an empty road where I have no path to go. How much selfish you can further be?" He replied with pain in his eyes, "Ashma, all these years… the one that was suffering was me. I tried every way to make you love me, to make you happy, to make you act genuinely and care about me, to make you stop pretending and giving fake smiles, to make your heart mine and to give you the happiness of the whole world. I was hurt every moment you gave me fake smiles and laughters. My heart pierced every moment I saw your sad and lonely eyes. So I tried to give you everything through money, that maybe you can become happy by buying something you like but you always had empty and lonely eyes. Then I started avoiding you because I thought you hated me and not seeing me would make you comfortable and happy but I noticed that you were even more lonelier and sad. So, I started to give you attention with all my might. I started to give you what you want and I felt guilty because no matter how much I love you, I couldn't make you happy or love me. I always get the same results and your sad and lonely face. Ashma, why are you so cruel to me? All I wanted and craved for was your heart but you never bothered to love me or care for me. You never even bothered to look at me. All you did was pretend in front of me and push me away so what was the point in opening up to you and sharing my worries with you. Ashma, why are you so selfish towards me? All you did was hurting me my whole life. But still...but still I love you so much that I can't even bear to part with you. I am setting you free for your happiness. I still love you like a fool as I loved you my whole life."
Seeing such pain, rage and helplessness in his eyes along with tears made me shocked to the core. I realized that I was wrong from the start. It was me that was selfish, not him. The other lonely bird beside me was always him that wanted to be free through my love...and 'the beautiful lonely bird in a golden cage' was never once locked because the door to flight was always opened. It's just it never bothered to notice the cage's door and the other lonely bird beside it.
I started weeping with guilty eyes and said, "I am sorry! I am sorry. I was wrong from the beginning but I am never going to leave you. I am sincere to you and I swear to love you only. I will change. Please give me another chance. I won't pretend anymore, I swear!" He looked very happy and shocked listening to my words. He hugged me tightly and said, " Yes, we will live happily from now on and go through thick and thin together."
Since that day, I have been happily living with Zain. There is no pretense between us and we have four kids. Two boys and two girls and they both are twins. We found our happily ever after.
