"What?! Go back from how we used to be?! What do you mean?! You want to go back from how you used to promised me that even the world will abandoned me, you will always be by my side?! Bullsht! How can we go back to the past if you yourself were the first one who turned away from me when the world accused me ?! "
I couldn't contained myself anymore that I suddenly burst and shouted at him. After all, since he's the one who approached me, I might as well tell all my resentment that my feelings have been harboring since he turned his back on me.
"I even did everything for you ... I kept understanding you. I supported you when you started climbing your dreams. I was always there for you in times when you're happy and sad especially when you lose your will to achieved what you wanted. Even though I'm jealous because you don't have time for me, I still understand you. When you said you forgot all our promised plans for the whole week I never questioned you and slide that broken promised. I wanted to complain but I stopped, because I knew you were tired of your work. You were tired. But...how about me? "
His mouth keeps opening then he'll suddenly shuts it again. Somehow I felt like he wanted to say something but he refrained from speaking. I could see the shock in his eyes as he looked at me.
"How about me... waiting for your texts and calls? Waiting at your house all night. Like a fool standing outside hoping to see you."
My tears were already dripping like a broken faucet, my heart aches as I let go of those words. I didn't even know that until now I was still hurting like this.
"But because I loved you. Because I fcking loved you! I still chose to forgive you and still believed in you. I tried to understand again and again and again. I tried to calm myself down because I was afraid that when I complained to you, you would leave me. I even said that It's alright if all my love ones will left me except you. Except you because I can no longer lived without you. But why? Why... when I had an issue and the world accused me of something I didn’t even did, you easily believed in them? I thought we were on the same side? I—I thought ... HAHAHA"
I think I'm going insane, I kept on laughing while my bitter tears are kept on flowing.
"Haaah Fck! I even looked desperate, idiot, martyr and a fool when I was chasing you because you really left me. I even thought of committing suicide because I couldn't take it anymore. I was so sick, so exhausted, tired, wary. I was lucky that someone stopped me. I was fortunate that they made me stay away from you. Because if they didn't I would totally got ruined."
I wiped away my tears as I let out a sighed. Fortunately it's night and we're the only people here in the park. It's embarrassing, for I looked like child mourning from my dead dog.
"I was slowly going to forget you, I was going to forget you. But why did you come back?!"
He didn't met my eyes and just stared at the floor, feeling guilty. I saw his hand trembled. I also heard a little sob, I think he was also crying
"But okay, even though we can't go back to the way we used to, at least I said and expressed everything I wanted to say."
I took a heavy sighed for the last time and closing my eyes. Feeling the breeze of the cold air in the middle of the blooming crescent moon.
"I was waiting... hoping that you would come back to me for 3 years but in those three years I didn't even saw a glimpsed of your shadow. And now that you're back, I'm begging you. Just leave it to me because I'd already let you go for a long time, ever since you chose to believed your female best friend more than me."
I genuinely smiled finally accepting everything.
" You were once my biggest dream but you became my nightmare. I won't ask you to be happy but I hope the time will come that you would fnally forget the past of how we used to be. "
