What is love? To most of the people love is happiness,motivation,rainbows, butterflies and whatsoever. But, to me “love” was just a meaningless word until I met her.Her name was Aurora.She was new to the town .She barely spoke to anybody.I always saw her at the park in the evening where she used to sit underneath the same tree and wrote her diary.I never had the balls to talk to her. It's not like I never tried but my ideas didn't work out well.Until one day when I was at the park with my headphones on and she tapped my shoulder.I Turned around and it was her.She asked me that which was the nearest store cause she wanted to buy some stuffs.I gave her the directions and she thanked me and went to look for the store.I was heading back home and I saw her outside the park looking confused.I went to her and asked if she could find the store.She said that she got confused and forgot where the store was. I was like damn! She's beautiful but dumb.. Then I asked her if I could show her the store myself and she agreed to that.We reached the store and I parted my way with her.I walked few steps ahead and looked back and saw her standing outside the store.I felt something wasn't right and went back to her and asked if she was alright. She looked frightened and her hands were shaking.She looked at me and asked me if I could tag along with her.I agreed and we went in.On our way back to home I asked her what had happened to her back there.But she dodged my question and started talking about different things.We parted our ways from the park.We met each other everyday and in no time we became best friend's.And without realizing I was in love with her.But I never confessed because love was something which I was always afraid of or maybe I wasn't strong enough to be in love and fight against all the odds.We never went out to hangout at places like most of the best friend's do. She always made up excuses and dropped the plan. The only place she agreed to come was the park and that's where we'd spend most of our time.One day she invited me to her house for dinner and introduced me to her mom. Her mom looked really happy to see me.She told me that she was worried if Aurora would make any new friends because they were new to this town and they barely knew anybody.And she told me that Aurora didn't have much friends in their previous town either because of her conservative personality.And after her dad's death she built walls around her for everyone.But she was glad that she's enjoying with me.We finished our dinner and I was leaving because it was too late. I said them my goodbye's and left.Before I could leave her mum told me "Please take care of daughter because you're the only friend she has".I smiled and replied that I would take care of her and told her not to worry much. Her mother looked worried about Aurora or maybe because she had a conservative nature so her mum wanted her to socialize.We were friends for more then two years now.Later,I got busy with college and had been away from town for two years. Meanwhile,Aurora chose to drop her college and help her mum at their new cake shop.We used to text and call each other occasionally because I got too much occupied with exams,friends and other stuffs. But she never missed to text me good mornings, good nights and other stuffs. But I could barely reply to her immediately.I got back home and thought of surprising her so I went to her place and knocked on her door. But her mom opened the door.She was so glad to see me after such a long time. I asked her if Aurora was home and she said that she's at the park. So I went to the park and saw her sitting underneath the tree with her diary.I walked towards her and the moment she looked at me her eyes were filled with tears and she gave me that warm smile.I could see how happy she was to have me back.We greeted each other with a warm hug.We talked for hours.I could tell by the look on her face that she was so happy to see me.She asked me that how long am I staying in the town.I told her that I have vacations for two weeks and then I'll head back.And then the look on her face changed.
We never understand how a person feels about us and I was dumb to understand how she felt.Even though I was here I couldn't spend much time with her because I was occupied with vacation homework.One day we were sitting in the park and she told me that I've changed. She told it in a polite way and made sure she didn't hurt me. She told me that she missed how things were before between us.The way we spent time with each other and all the fun things we did.There was an awkward silence for few seconds.“I cannot always be there for you”I replied.“I have to focus on other things too.But it's not like I don't make time for you.We are not kids anymore and we have our own responsibilities and I can't keep looking after you.Grow up.I can't give up my studies like you did and end up in a cake shop. ” I couldn't raise my face to look at her after telling her such things. But I could hear her crying."I just wanted things to be the same be..between us. I never stopped you from doing what you liked. I just missed my best friend. But anyways it looks like you don't need me anymore. Good luck with your college and I hope you have everything you desired for” she said it wiping her tears.She picked her stuffs and was ready to leave.“You will never understand me Aurora. You're just being selfish about your feelings.You are only worried about how you feel.I guess this is where we part our ways.Goodbye.”after saying this I walked past her and she stood there with tears rolling down her face. I don't know what made me say such things but I was trying my best stop myself from falling in love with her. I was so much in love that I had to either choose our friendship or confess my love to her and ruin what we had because she didn't feel the same about me.She stopped texting and calling me. I didn't try calling her either because I felt guilty about that day and the words I spoke. I had no balls to face her after what I did. Days went by and there were no calls at all. I thought that I had lost her and that she didn't needed me.The guilt I felt never left me either and because of that I didn't knew how to make up with her and sort out things between us. Vacations got over and I went back to college without informing her. I decided that next vacation I'll fix everything when I get back home.After a year, I went to her house as soon as I got back home for holidays.I went to her house and knocked on her door. It was her mom who opened the door.I asked her that if Aurora is home or she's at the park. Her mom looked at me and started crying.I asked her what was wrong and why was she crying.She invited me inside and I sat on the dinner table while she went inside and got a book and a letter."Where had you been? "she asked me.I told her that I was busy with college and stuff .“Where's Aurora though?” I asked."After you both had an argument.She came home and locked herself inside her room. She didn't come out the entire day.She didn't eat, she didn't talk.I asked her what had happened between you guys and she told me that it was just an argument and that you guys were no more friends.I made her understand that people change when they are burdened with responsibilities and that she should give you sometime to clear your mind. I told her that once you're calm you'll get back to her and be best friend's again.But day by day her anxiety got worse. She had frequent panic attacks.She couldn't sleep much either. We had to put her on heavy doses then the previous ones.She waited for your calls and texts.And one night I got home late from work.I just went upstairs to check on Aurora. I knocked at her door but she didn't answer me. I got worried and I tried to open the door but it was locked from the inside. I called out for help and with the help of our neighbour we broke in and I found my child laying lifeless on the floor. Her wrists were slit open and she had lost alot of blood.She wasn't breathing at all. I held her in my arms hoping she'd open her eyes but she didn't.... After few days when I was packing up her stuff I found this letter which she had written for you." she handed me the letter and the diary. I didn't knew what to say.I was shocked and heartbroken.I couldn't lift my face and look at her mom. U felt so pathetic.I wish I had made things right as soon as possible.I opened up the letter to read and it said..
Dear Noah
By the time you get this letter I'll be gone far away.The reason I wrote this letter is that I wanted to thank you for being a part of my life.You were always there for me when I needed you.My life was dull and grey and you filled it with rainbows and butterflies.Remember the first time you tagged along with me to the store because I was anxious, that was so very kind of you. I guess you know by now that I deal with anxiety and panic attack. But anyways, what I really wanted to tell you is that I fell for you and your kind gestures. You made me feel comfortable around you even though you had no idea about my anxiety.I could never tell you about it because I wanted you to treat me like a normal person. I felt normal around you.I never confessed my love to you because I was afraid of being rejected, I was afraid of losing you and our friendship and I thought you weren't interested.God!I'm gonna regret that for the rest of my life haha...After our argument I was so hurt. You were right I was being selfish,I needed to grow up and yes, you were right that we're not kids anymore but I wanted you all for myself and I didn't try to understand you either so yes I deserved to hear all of that. But, I never wanted you to give up on your studies and end like me. Working in a cake shop isn't that fun when you're an anxious person Hehe.. But, I always wished the best for you. I was so attached to you that when you were gone I felt lonely.I had nobody to talk to, nobody spend time with, nobody to annoy with my useless talks.I missed you every single day but I knew you were busy so I tried my best not to bother you but I still couldn't help it ….But after our fight I lost my senses and lost control over my actions.I wish I could tell you in a person that how much I love you but I guess that's not possible anymore.Dont blame yourself for anything. This is all on me. I wasn't strong enough from the beginning.But I'm so blessed that you were a part of my life. I want you to keep my diary because that's the only precious thing I can give to you because it has all the things I wanted to say and all the secrets I've never shared. Take care of yourself and never give up because I'll be watching over you. I'll miss you in the afterlife too……In the end, all I wanna say is "What is love? It was something meaningless to me until I met you.."
written by : Kounain
