The snug atmosphere tousled with a bit crispy wind, Autumn is at the corner, Paige thought to herself and smiled lovingly at the only man in her life. She picked out a leaf from Max's curly browns. They got in the car and after a 12 minutes drive, reached their destination. "Here we are sir, I hope you have a wonderful day" she leaned towards him "My tip please" pressing her smile over Max's giggle, a music to her ears. After a quick peck and love you Max was about to bid his b-bye when Paige stops him keeping the car door ajar. She looks at her young one's face, his beaming smile and gleaming green eyes, momentarily falling in a daze, she blinks and then reminds him of Aunt Amelia picking him up to take him to Zen's today.
The slam of the car door behind Max washes her mind with a slight relief from the ominous feeling she has been having for what felt like eons. Finally she was allowed for a short pause, that she longed for since she woke up, and every day and night from last three days. The heartbreaking tableau she and her son were inextricable part of still persisted.
The sound of children playing, teachers greeting eachother, garrulous parents, ringing of school's first warning bell, all of it nearly faded away in the background. The only noise that Paige could hear vividly were of old banter, shouting, crying, played like a broken record stuck in her head. She squinted her eyes and tried to focus. Paige let out a silent sigh taping her head down lightly on the steering wheel- escaping of a breath she had no idea she was holding. In a couple of seconds she pulled herself together collecting every piece of wandering thought, memory, voiceover from the darkness of her mind, gulped in her lividness and shoved away all her ugly tears in the old chest at some corner of her exhausted brain. A long fifty-five seconds to refresh, reset and resume.
Holding her head enough to regain and reinforce her inner strength and cover all the drowsiness.
'Try acting strong and eventually you will feel strong', she vaguely remembered from the Personality and Mental development book she once read.
"Kids need to feel comfortable and safe around you so they share things easily which inturn support a better mental growth for them, specially advised for single parents, kids sometimes hide things in order to not worry you, try not to bring sad facts to them....
_Parenting 101
An old habit of remembering different books for reference when stressed,
she stepped on ignition, a little bit relaxed and all aware of what or, more like who is waiting for her ahead of the day.
"....have a good day, Mrs. Lancaster!"_a beep was all she heard, setting the phone reciever down, honestly a bit frustrated by the talk, Paige shook her head at how adults can act so juvenile at times.
It was pure fortune that she just happened to be there when the old receptionist bailed right before the discussion of an important contract was about to be commenced. Needless to say the nifty lobby decorated with luxury painting from a reluctant German artist, sure enough she wagered the pay will be better than the restaurant, and it was. Once she joined in, she arranged for an apartment, hired a nanny, and took care of everything that required her attention. The days of hustle that ended late at night or at the beginning of the dawn, but she never backed off, planning meticulously every detail for her son's secured future. Being a responsible adult took a toll on her, but it felt fulfilling too. The small world she created for both of them was like a rose, beautiful and worth it, despite the tiny thorns.
She completed the entries in employees register and kept Mr. Lancaster's leave application along with the papers in a plain yellow file sneak-peeking through the mahogany desk's drawer on her left. And again just like every other hour her restless gaze followed the orange band on her wrist that ended at the encased circular plate with Roman numerals, and then at the boy in the small frame kept treasured in the open drawer at her right. She couldn't help it, what if he takes Max away?...no, don't wanna imagine that. Being a receptionist for so long Paige was accustomed to handle people's unwelcomed manners, however, today she felt an unsettling urgency at the bottom of her stomach, time wasn't at its normal speed. Once again her left hand secured a small area on her belly. "Forty-five minutes" she muttered and started rechecking the supplies for the fifth time.
Paige walked into the Cuckoo cafe playing the number of times how she had desperately wished for it when Max was in preschool, on his first picture day, fancy dress, when his first milk tooth broke and left an adorable window open in the front, and when she refused the possibility of this day ever occurring after she taught him to read the word suggestion, told him that spouse is not a portmanteau for his spring mouse, taught him how to ride a bicycle. It's late, about seven years and 11 months late. Paige scanned the scantily lit room till her eyes landed on a familiar pair of green eyes. A tall blonde at the private booth half stood, gestured, damage located. She was somewhat prepared for this, scaling the physical distance to the seat in front of him was the closest he'll ever be...or not.
"Long time no see!...you wanted to talk?" stern as she has never been, not to him. She noticed across the table, the latte he had ordered had fresh clouds of smoke fading over it, she purposely came 15 minutes later. Paige didn't order anything. Dan gave her a small gentle smile the one from back then, when, she used to wait for extra two hours after her classes got over till his football was. History does repeat itself except, hours now have been replaced by years, and this time she had already given up on waiting for him.
He tried to explain for forever that how painfully aware he was of his mistakes, and how he's willing to rectify it by devoting rest of his life to them.
" I know it will take time and a cheap sorry doesn't possibly amend for anything that I have done but... please, one chance I promise I won't fail you two"
The expression on his face was of plea as that of a starved beggar for a bite of bread. Paige was melting on the inside all that rage she had didn't vanish but got mixed with more complex emotions, she sensed the numbness at her nose bridge, she was about to tear up from a nostalgia for the moments that never had existed, her heart was in a turmoil, and the barrier of a calm face was having a hard time to keep up.
Maybe he will stay this time, he regrets it, We can raise Max together like a perfectly happy family, Max could have a full family, He's changed, He still loves both of us, I should let him in, give him a second chance, for Max.
*Gasp*
Max...
He was 2 when his biological father left, we met in highschool senior year and Max happened, even in those two years that he stayed I was pretty much the only parent Max had. I loved Dan even more after, it tore me apart when he left with the rent money, we were on mercy of a friend for a long time, the sufferings that followed were worse. It's shocking, a father's lack of interest towards his own son. What was I thinking, Max is still young I can't give him hope for it to shatter him one day, it's not a gamble I would play!
Dan palms her hand and she gently shooks it away "Sorry...can't possibly amend for-" she exhaled the heaviness she felt in her chest.
"You're right_ a chance, of Max possibly getting hurt the way I did years ago is something, I can never put on for risk, for any happiness in the world, not even a complete family"
Paige took in a long deep breath and held on it for a moment, her back straightened in completely perfect posture, she kept her chin up, her slightly slouched shoulders were square now, ready. She faced Dan the way she had at the time she entered through the door, except now, looking past him at the wall clock. Her face devoid of any marks of sympathy, second thoughts wasn't an option.
"We have moved on, if Max ever wishes to know about you, I'll let him, when the time is right" when he's prepared.
Dan pressed his lips together and in a disappointed tone and replied that he understands. While Paige was leaving Dan stopped her, still persisting to stay a little longer, far as she knew him, he was still not listening and searching for a loop hole to get the chance back. Paige couldn't let that happen, he hasn't changed all that much afterall, besides she will be short of time half an hour later.
"Sorry, I am already running late for a prior engagement"
Dan gave her a suspicious look, he knew about Max staying at friend's tonight. It. IS. Late.
Paige didn't care to tell him that she's taking night classes at the university. "This, should be the last time that we meet like this, bye"
She was glad with the choice she made, her heart felt lighter, refreshed, she didn't wait for a response, and walked away with long triumph strides.
She knew that this wasn't the last time she saw him, he is Max's biological father, him to be mentioned by her son was maybe inevitable but it will be his choice when his old enough, to see him on Sundays or not. Paige for one had decided she didn't want him back in the family and risk her son getting attached to a mirage.
The love she had for Dan perhaps after all this still had some remnants, but even then and now her son's happiness will always come first for her. Paige knew she never truly moved on herself, despite what she said, the doubt that it might be better if Dan's back kept her from having a personal life apart form being a receptionist and a mom. Now she knows he will never have any place in her life... she's finally free! It's her closure.
