The guy who broke my heart

Part 1

I met you at school, that's where it always starts, right? The first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew it. You were everything I have dreamed of. You are not very handsome, that's right. You're not also serious academically, but I don't know why, I still like you.

You have that voice that every girl would fall for, that's why I also fell for you. I was so head over heels for you, I just want to get married with you.

My parents were very strict. Always guarding me closed, but I learned to lie, learned to break the rules, for you. When we like the person, we can't stop making a lot of effort, like I do.

I always love that one particular subject wherein we have to change rooms. It's really a destiny, that's the subject I'm taking in your room.

Every after that subject, before we return to our

room, I never forget to put sticky notes below your desk.

Starting with "Have a nice day!", "Always be

careful", "Don't forget to smile." and some

motivational quotes just to keep you going

everyday.

You don't know how happy I am, when I found out that you hid it. All the sticky notes I gave you, you hid. I almost threw myself on the floor because of too much romantic excitement.

I know that you are not-so-serious about your

academics. You have projects, researches and

theses you asked others to do it, when I found out that, I even talked to the person who will do it and insisted that I'll do it.

Some nights I lack sleep, revise here, revise there. I made all your projects even better than mine. I have done all these just to see you succeed.

The day has come, you are slowly noticing me.

always catch you looking at me. You are still shy at me. You never failed to make my day, even if l only see you in the corridors, I am happy.

I was even happier when I found out that you

appreciated me. All my efforts, you appreciate.

almost flew away.

"Maybe you already love him." someone once told me. I do not know what I will answer there. I don't love you yet, but I want to love you.

I have reached the point where I pray for you every night.

All my tweets, is for you.

All my shared posts, is for you.

And to the point that everything I do, is for you.

--

Part 2

The day came when I met who the woman you

dreamed of .

I was crushed then, I thought your stares really meant something to me.

I tried to be happy for you. I see all your efforts for her. I can see in your eyes that like her very much.

I was even more crushed when I found out that the woman you like didn't like you.

That all the efforts you make, are nothing, just

ignored. They even said that I should be happy because she didn't like you and I might have a chance, but I can't be happy knowing that you are hurting too.

A few days later, you moved on. I was happy for you then, then I found out that you like my

classmate.

You don't know the pain I feel when I see the

letters, food and so on at the bottom of my

classmate's desk, knowing that it came from you.

And here it is again, she didn't like you either, you just stand no chance. I am the one who hurts for you.

I can't help not to think "why not just me?"

I also don't understand why they don't like you.

I can't help but get annoyed. Why are you just throwing away the person I dream of?

It hurts to see that you're hurting.

Come here to me, I will not hurt you..

--

Part 3

You never failed to make my day. Even from the smallest things that you do, from the way you talk, smile, and just by seeing you.

We became friends. We are just in one crew

Unexpected friendship, they say.

During all the wandering of the crew. I always present. Even if forbidden, I will always make way just to be with you.

The crew were wandering around many times. Starting with karaoke, watching movies,

and outings, I went all out because I hope you are there too.

I was not disappointed.

I was really surprised, because the crew were so close, why do we seem to be the only one feels awkward?

I feel like you are avoiding me.

Throughout the crew, we are the ones who do not talk much, we are the ones who do not interact much.

But I do not know why that was enough for me. I do not know why I never complained.

Is it because I love you so much?

A few months later, I still hopeful on you.

The month of my birthday came and I was very excited, because I knew that when you greeted me with "Happy Birthday" we might be close as well. Even just friends.

And that day has come. But there is none. I did not receive a greet from you.

Do you know that you are the only one I am waiting to greet me? Will my day be full, especially my birthday when you greet?

I know you knew that it was my birthday that day, because we were in the same crew. The whole crew knows when, why do you seem to pretend you don't know?

The next day, I still look forward to your greetings even its "belated" I will wait.

But there's none. I have not recieve a greeting.

.

.

.

Is it still worth it?

--

Part 4

One day, I found out that your closest friend likes me.

Of course I was surprised. He started chatting, making an effort, and everything I wanted to experience. He even serenade me.

Gradually, I also noticed that you are moving away, you are no longer following the path of the gang. I was curious then, so I tried to approach but you walked away.

I was unfair, in everything he did for me, I never

once had a look at him. Yes, I appreciate it, but it's really different.

I also can't force myself to love the person I don't like. And it's ugly to see if I wishes he doesn't like me from the beggining.

"Why do I feel like he likes you too?" an ran said to me, my closest friend.

"Huh? You probably just imagining it." I said, but on the other hand, I hope it is true.

"No. He walks away because he knows his

friend likes you, and you know that, he seems to be letting go." she says.

I looked at the emptiness, and secretly smiled.

"He falls for you, but he holds back because his

friend likes you ..."

"... I remember back then, he also let go of the person he wanted for his friend, so it's possible to happen again" she says.

I nodded.

"if so, why not be selfish even a little? Why does he not think of his happiness?" I was confused.

I know him, he is not stingy especially if it is for his friends. Even if he likes a person, he can't, if his friends likes it too. He really values the friendship.

I was just stunned.

If everything An ran said was true, it is not impossible he didn't not fall for me?

--

Part 5

An ran did not make a mistake. Because I myself, I feel it. I'm not assuming, but I'm an observant person.

I saw how you looked at me. I saw that you were the mysterious man who put ice cream in my locker. I ignored that, because I wanted it to came from you.

I would like to hear you really say you like me too

Your friend came to the point he exert so much effort for me so that I notice him, so much effort of taking care of me, and so on.

Seriously, whatever else he can do, it's unfair, why is it still you?

I did not stop making an effort for you, as usual, I still put sticky notes.

I did everything, for you to notice me.

One night, I even posted a quote.

"I just want to show you how special I am."

I was shocked, and I almost fell into my seat when you suddenly send me a message.

"You're really special." you said.

Of course, I'm happy that day!

"Special child?" I joke around.

"No.You are a special person to me." he says.

And because of that, I jumped into my seat in so much joy! It was as if I was flying in the sky.

You do not know how much I hold on to what you said..

Everything would have been okay, but go back to your old habit of barely looking at me.

I just feel like wind. Even in the barracks organization I feel like I just don't exist.

Where did you say I was special?

Seriously, is this really the case? All the joy has a replacement.

"Hey, you know, I was happy for you especially

when you told me, you were 'special' for him

.. But did you not think of his friend? The friend

who gives everything for you?" said Anne.

I was suddenly depressed. What I hate most of all is that, a person was hurt because of me. But now, there is one. I hated my self for that.

I became so insensitive because you are the one I always think of. I forgot someone who was hurt because of that.

--

Last part

I tried to forget you. I entertained your friend,

maybe I can still change my feeling.

But definitely not.

I feel guilty. So I stopped to entertain your friend, because the two of us would only get hurt more.

A few days later, I suddenly found out, you have a girlfriend.

He even told me, you love her so much. Because she is the one who makes you feel everything you want to feel.

I almost sat down in tears, fortunately my friend was holding me as if I was just taking strength from her.

"W-Why not me?" I asked. My friend just looked at me. I surely feel, she felt sorry for me.

--

It hurts to see you two together. Specially, I

hold on to what you told me that I am special to you. Or am I just assuming?

December 31, I messaged you. Everything I wanted to say, I said it all there. It's one way to let my heart go, and to also let him go.

"Hi. I want to tell you a lot before this year ends, im doing this so maybe I can let myself go from the pain. You exactly know how I was "head over heels" for you right? But always remember, that I have no regrets there, I do not regret my efforts.

You know why? Because you're really worth a

broken heart. Do you know that I can be hurt over and over again as long as you are the reason? I have reached the point where I pray for you everyday, I hope you are always safe. You're really different. Don't be guilty of the efforts I made for you, ok? Because you deserve it. In fact, you deserve more. You deserve everything!

Im happy for you, especially now, because you

found someone to make you happy, someone to care for you, and someone who will always have your back. That " someone " i hoped that it was me. But what's important here is you have found your happiness, and that's what really matters to me.

At first, of course it hurts, really tend to ask

myself everyday "why not me?"But as time passes by, I just need to accept. Do you know how much I hold on to you when you told me I was" Special" to you ?? Maybe that meaning is just superficial to you, but it's different from me, I will almost die !! I often want to ask you,

"Did I ever enter your mind?" "Is there even a little bit?" But I was preceded by fear, fear of what you would answer.

Maybe this is the time for you to answer the

question? Please be honest. I already accept it. And time to continue and go on next year so that I no longer have questions in mind.

You'll always have a soft spot on me. Don't get

me wrong but the purpose of this message is, I just need to release it, to leave it all behind.

Wishing you all the best. Goodluck to the future!"

The next day, when I saw his message, I thought I could move on because of that. But it is not.

Why do I seem to want to fool around again?

"Thank you very much for everything. I really

appreciate and for your questions, of course my answer is yes. But why not you, because I do not trust myself that I might hurt you, I might even ruin our friendship. A lot really went through my mind then, so that was my choice, to not really ruin our friendship and the gang.

Your future boyfriend will be lucky to have you. He has a joyful, full of effort and happy girlfriend. I'm really sorry if I didn't choose you.

Promise I like you, I just really choose what will be good for us.

I hope the man you are looking for will come and make you happy"

I cried all night. What a pity.

It can be compared to the song "Almost is Never Enough", which is " if I would have known that you wanted me, the way I wanted you, and maybe we weren't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms."

As the years go by, you still remained in my heart.

It's been 5 years, and I was shocked to see you

where I work.

I smiled. He has not really changed.

I saw he turn to me. He looked at me with a shocked face. But then he also smiled and waved.

I sighed. As long as I remember, I have moved on.

But why I am feeling this way? Regrets are still evident.

I closed my eyes, as I whisper through the wind before he go out of my workplace.

"Wherever you are in life, whatever you do, I hope you will be okay."

I didn't say that because I still love him.

For me, he still the guy who broke my heart.

--

End