I can't even smile nor lift my face up from the embrace of the wet pillow, yes wet; wet from my own tears. My heart feels like a heavy stone rather that a life giving machine. Its killing me, my breathing is labour and my body can stop trembling.
Is this the feeling? Feeling of getting broken to an atomic pieces, pieces that can't be found not to even mention mending. The pieces that flows along with the droplets of tears that falls down one after another seemly dissapering in the surrounding.
And my emotions floods out too; just like the salty watery droplets of tears. I can't smile just thinking of getting it away from me... one more time. I can't cry thinking they have no effects on the people around me. And i can't get upset cause i have no reason to. Yes i have no reason to get upset, upset over the fact that I was not perfect, upset over the fact that I was incomplete, upset over the fact that I- I was selfish.
Yes i was selfish. Selfish that i was loved once again, selfish that i got love, and selfish to the point that i couldn't see anything but my blinded surrounding of selfishness.
That selfishness brought me to hurt my loved and cared one, they broke me apart but supported me enough for me to move on again. But that little support wasn't enough for the powerful blow i was going to get.
I wanted to give love, care, kindness and trust but instead i gave fear, coldness, tears and broken heart. Haha... i wanna laugh at myself as i remember my promise to my self "I will love with all my heart and mind never break their trust and faith that they have in me". But the trust was never gained to be broken and the faith was never made to get broken as well.
All happened and i couldn't do a thing, only take this heart to a faraway land and poor my soul out, my dreamworld....
