"You big bad liar... " I punched his chest while he gives me that annoying fake happy smile he always show me in all of this years.
I looked down.
I'm forcing myself not to cry. I'm forcing myself not to hug him or look at his face.
Seeing him in this white room laying on this uncomfortable hospital bed always smelling this smell of chemicals and hearing this beeping sounds of machines makes my heart so painful.
Why?
Why it should be him?
There's a lot of people in the world but why it should be him?
Why God is so unfair?
We promised each other that we'll stay together... forever.
He said that he'll always be by my side but now... he's dying...
"Hey, what's that face? I'm in front of you. Don't I?"
He still have time for his jokes?
Can't he understand my feelings anymore?
He's really a jerk.
I punched him again but my hands are weak. I can't exert any force. This punch isn't painful at all.
I clenched my jaw and leaned on his chest.
I can barely hear his heartbeat.
He's really dying.
He'll leave me soon.
"Why do you still joke around? Can't you..." I stopped and closed my eyes. A drop of tear came out of my eyes.
"It will be fine. Nothing will change if I'm gone. You'll still be here."
His sarcastic words really makes me pissed all the time.
"It's not." I finally cried. "It won't be fine." I clenched his hospital clothes.
"Is it because of my promise to you?" He still remained calm.
"You said..." I cried more.
I wiped the tears on my face and looked at him angrily.
"How can you cheat on me?"
"Huh?" There he goes again. His pretentious clueless face.
"YOU SAID YOU'LL BE WITH ME FOREVER!" I shouted angrily. My voice rang all around the room.
I heard him chuckled. "I'm sorry. I just can't."
" 'Can't?' Why are you giving up so easily? Is everything a lie?" I asked. My brows frowned but the sadness is clear on my eyes.
"You said you'll protect me. You said you'll chose me no matter what. You said you'll fulfill all of my wishes. You said you'll give me a happy life. You said you'll stay with me forever. You said...you said..."
"I'm really sorry, Lei."
"There's no sorry here! Fight for it!"
"Fight for your life!"
"I don't want to hear your sorry. I want you here with me! I won't let you die without completing all of those promise!"
You said you'll do everything I want no matter what.
I want you to live. I don't want you to die.
"You're a jerk! You're a big fat liar!" I pointed at him. "I hate you! I hate you, Vin." I shouted without regret.
"I love you."
Love?
Is leaving me still called love?
I may be selfish but he's the only person in my life left. I don't want him to leave me too like what the others did.
"I don't want to be separated to you. I want to be by your side all the time but I can't fight anymore."
"I'm sorry if I have to leave early. I'm sorry if I can't fulfill my promises." He removed my hands resting on his chest. His hands are as cold as ice.
It makes my heart hurt more.
He laid back to his bed.
"But I'll still love you to the next life."
"I'll still be with you no matter what. If I'm gone, you got to take care of him so you won't be alone forever." He looked at the picture displayed on the nightstand.
It was a picture of us. A family of three with a little baby boy we both carry.
"Live well for him. I can't let our child experience what you experience too."
.........
Doctors came inside the room late at night waking me up while holding his hands.
They told me to stand back which I did and they started to remove the tubes and needles attached on this body.
Because of shock, I froze on the corner as I watched them put the white blanket on his body.
Soon after, I broke. I cried and cried while holding my chest.
It's so painful... Very painful...
