So I can't sleep until I write this down.
I guess writing is the best way to express one's emotions, feelings, desires. Many authors do that.
I first started writing after reading J.A. Taylor's 'NO CHOICE'. The novel ignited something inside me and I couldn't help but start writing. I am really very sorry Taylor but I read your novel and it inspired me a lot. But I don't think I have given you enough credit for that. I should have given more likes, comments and support. I realize it now after she has already left the novel. I always go around pointing people's mistakes. But when someone tries to point out my mistakes, I just realise that sometimes I am unable to accept that. It's a huge weakness, not being able to take criticism properly.
Readers always say that I write mature content very well. I don't know about that. But the thing is I have always been single and I had not the least idea about s**. I knew the basic thing. But writing literature about it.......... it wasn't possible even a year ago. Then I started listening to ASMR, watching mature anime and reading mature novels.
There wasn't any special purpose or intention. I just happened to found those out and started writing them. It made me feel hot and after some time I decided to write down my feelings when I felt hot.
I have done something really bad. I am sorry. Do you guys know what's plagiarism? It's copying someone's storyline, plot, special phrases or copying the story completely. Like- the well established idioms, for example- By hook or by crook, you can use it, but if someone has invented a new personal comparison, simile or something like that, it's a crime to copy that. You can also call it piracy. And the actual creator can bring the plagiarist to court. Though I have never plagiarized, earlier I used to use certain phrases or words used by other authors. I have been reading English very carefully since childhood and even it's my honours subject and I am in the final year of college. Still I suck in it. It's my 2nd language yet I am so bad. There are other authors who are junior to me, I read their novels and I feel ashamed to continue reading.
I know the basic English necessary to have a conversation but my English is not that good that I can express my fantasies. I used to read, it was purely for my own joy, but it helped me learn some words. Only a few words and I keep using them again and again in my stories. The things I write, particularly in 18+ stories, 30% of the phrases are taken from other sources. I don't know anything else either. I studied about it, don't take me wrong. It's just a personal interest. So I studied and learnt. So now I know almost everything about s** and I can portray them as I like. When I first started writing, I couldn't write by myself. I had to read a hot novel, listen to some ASMR or something like that. Only then I could feel it and write.
But now I think it's not right. So I have stopped doing all that. I just try to write whatever I can with the minimum knowledge I have. I used to read a lot of twin lovers and werewolf stories.
But I don't anymore. At that time I didn't know anything about plagiarism. I still can't tell if whatever I did was wrong. So I have stopped doing that and am writing it down here.
I don't want to have anyone's impression on my work, now that I know it. Before I didn't know, I can excuse myself saying it was an honest mistake. Buy now I do, it's not okay to continue doing that.
Actually I won't write mature content anymore. Because I have learnt to write it from others. Suddenly I have this thought because I was just scrolling through MT and I found some really good novels. It was so good that I couldn't believe that it was original. It was on top and I got very competitive. I started thinking that I write better so why does this person has more readers than me. I guess it's important to fall to learn a lesson. I saw another novel and there were some words used by me very frequently. She was my reader and I thought she had plagiarized by me. I couldn't sleep that night. I spent such a bad week. I thought people were plagiarizing from other apps and getting so many likes, whereas my work was far better so why won't it get support.
Then I started realizing certain things. That I am actually a very bad writer. My English is far below the average. The only thing I am good at is writing mature content and even that I have learnt to write from other sources.
Someone reported my first work and it was deleted. I felt bad but my ego and vanity broke completely. Thanks a lot.
My 2nd novel is a series of hot short stories. I was very much under pressure with it. It was taking a lot of my time and attention. I didn't want to write mature content anymore. Firstly because I am exhausted and secondly because I don't want to keep anything that has the impression of other people. My first novel had the most phrases taken from other sources, almost 30%. I am really so very happy that it has been deleted. The 2nd novel has 10% of it. But it is based on s**, something I have learnt from others and it is also illegal in this app. It has been also reported. And yes I am again too happy.
I always have this fear of people copying things from my work. I keep trying to calm myself down. But then I realize something. Previously I wrote down things that were causing me pain and I don't feel bad about those things anymore. I hope that happens again in this case as well.
Why do I write:
1. It makes me feel happy.
2. I can spend my time in some good work.
3. I can be creative.
4. I can be productive.
5. I can create something that appears beautiful to me.
6. I can express my inner most thoughts, feelings, emotions and desires.
