“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
WHY DID YOU BREAK ME?
WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?
WAS I NOT ENOUGH?
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THOSE HARSH WORDS?
DID YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?
Every night I cried thinking about these questions
(y’all must be confused so let me give you a flashback)
3 YEARS AGO
We were shifting apartments almost everything was set up I didn’t know anyone over here one day my mom was coming back from work and said that there is this girl that goes to the same school as me my mom said that she was older than me and was friendly and then she said that i should be friends with her but my introvert ass was not ready for it but i had to do it for my mom (ok let’s take the girls name as JESSICA)
It was a very beautiful Sunday and my mom decided that i should be introduced to Jessica So my mom introduced me to Jessica she was nice and kind i liked her a lot we became friends she introduced me to everyone in the building and to my surprise everyone went to the same school as me everyone were so friendly there was this 1 family I really liked they were so sweet they treated me as their own child I spent at least half an hour there before Jessica introduced me to the others (and I regret it till this day) she introduced me to this other family she knocked on the door and this guy opened the door he was cute and tall (let’s give the families number FAMILY NO 1 is the friendly family and FAMILY NO 2 is the family with the cute boy i wish I could use real names but I can’t) he opened the door and greeted Jessica I didn’t dare to look up so when he asked Jessica who i was she explained the whole story that i was new here I finally had the courage to look up and i soon as i did our eyes met he greeted me and i greeted him back he seemed like a nice guy we talked for a while and I got to know that he was 2years older than me he was so cute I couldn’t stop thinking about him he was friendly too and soon weeks passed and soon we became friends (oh i wish i never knew him) he always used to tease me and flirt with me i liked it but soon I caught feelings for him i kept resisting those feelings until I couldn’t anymore one day I decided to confess it was on Tuesday i still remember that day I walked up to him and straight up said that I liked him and to my surprise he said he likes me too
Fast forward to 3months after confession (2016)
He started acting weird he doesn’t talk to me he totally changed his little hates me alot so I can’t go ask him what happened to Zach (cute boy’s name) I thought maybe he might have some family problems so i left it
Fast forward to 5months after confession (2016)
He started taking control over me he would never let me talk to anyone if he allows only I could talk to people he kept track of everything i did i was kind of uncomfortable but I thought maybe it’s because he cared about me
Fast forward to a whole year after confession (2017)
He body shamed me he was a racist every single day he verbally abused me i was broken from inside but i still kept going on his friends and brother also did the same thing one day I couldn’t take it anymore that day I cried in front of him he didn’t do anything he didn’t even give me a hug or console me instead he walked away after body shaming me one day i took up the courage to ask him why he was doing all this and his reply was “Because I don’t want anyone to know we are dating baby” and stupid me I believed him he would stop body shaming me and being a racist towards me he would only love me but after some time he would get back on doing those things again i felt so broken whenever i asked him why he is doing this he always used to say because he didn’t want anyone to know about us and every single time I believed him at some point i was used to this
Fast forward to 1 1/2 years after confession (2017)
He was obsessed with me he never left my side if I talked to anyone with his permission i would get verbally abused by him he started manipulating me he said he loved me so much and i was happy with that he body shamed me, manipulated me, was a racist, he was obsessive, he controlled me in every way possible, verbally and mentally abused me and you know what’s the best part of all this i was being bullied by his friends i was extremely bullied but I won’t say how
Fast forward to 2 years (2018)
I was suffering from depression i couldn’t take it anymore I tried attempting sucide many times but I couldn’t do it cuz every time i picked up the knife I thought about my mom I stopped my self Zach was going to some other country for his studies even tho he did all that i still loved him (yes ik i am stupid and i should have seen the red flags) I felt pain that he left without seeing me but after a year (2019) i was finally doing ok I broke up with him but this wasn’t the end he asked me for a second chance after 6months of our break up I gave it to him (stupid me) but things only got worse I decided to break ties with him my mental health was not stable it hurt a first few months but i was ok but when I thought everything was going back to normal he came back to me again and asked me to give him one last chance and i did because i still loved him well guess what happened next he broke me again but this time I had my bestie she supported me she helped me get through the break up but i still thought of him my depression got worse and worse i was getting bullied even more I couldn’t take it anymore so i told my parents my parents took care of it and i was slowly healing thanks to BTS (yes i am an army)
Present day
I still do cry because of my past but i am stronger now it doesn’t affect me but I suffered all that at the age of 12 which left scares but i am okay now
