I don’t know where to start because my mind is blank maybe because am emotional whenever I think about the past.
Random things that I find everywhere transport me back into our once beautiful and prefect world. The world before we started fighting, the world before I started ignoring you, the world before I stopped saying, ‘I love you’, and our world before last February (1 year before). Every single day I find myself lost in your memories, scattered around me like a web that won’t let me come out of the past. Now that you’re gone, on lonely nights I play your favorite song. The song reminds me of your pure eyes, the way you look at me, and the smile of yours that I miss the most.
Since you left, I have learnt a lot about life and love. Nothing is permanent, time changes and it changes everything around us sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse and no one can do anything about it. No matter how much we think we control our own lives and those of others around us, the fact is that we are not at all in control of anything.
Without you, nothing is the same. I miss you a lot. I never imagined my life without you, and I cannot go back into that reality yet that you are not with me anymore not even in the future.
In every person’s life there will be one person that no one can replace them and for me its you, no one can replace you. I don’t know the reason why I loved you so badly and trusted you even now.
It’s been 1 year, that I haven’t expressed anything to you. Trying to be bold and stronger. Acting like I don’t care about you anymore. Am fed up with everything even my acting. You are the only one who I care about that most. I know you are happy without me. You are living your life. What about me? Did you ever think about that? Every second I missed you, trying to hold back my tears thinking that ‘‘why should I cry for the one who don’t want me?’’ but still I can’t control because I loved you from my whole heart. It was not fake. I never loved anyone like I loved you. You were my precious one even now also.
When you were with me,
I wish I could tell you that how much I want you!
I wish I could tell you that how much I love you!
I wish I could tell you that you are my entire world!
I wish I could tell you that you are not a joke for me!
Even if I tell you all this, you won’t care right?! I know, you won’t. For you am nothing, just a silly girl who is logging for your love, your attention, your care so on… I wish you would be with me for forever, I know it’s just a wish its not come true never ever but still can’t accept the reality maybe am too silly.
Do you know because of you;
How much I suffered? How many times you hurt me? How many times you break my heart? How many times you were been mean to me?
You hurt me in many ways, but still I forgive you and I love you more than anything. Everyone say that am mad. Yeah, I am! So madly in love with you. After you left me, whenever I feel like I want you, I miss you, I only share that with my best friend because I know you won’t understand me, and you never try to understand me, only she will. I know still you think that I overcome the past and am being happy in the present, right? Well! If you think like that you don’t know me well yet.
Sometimes I regret that why did I fall for you?! And at the same time, I hate myself saying that I regret loving you. You took the whole place in my heart and there is no place for anyone anymore. Whenever I think about the past, I can feel the pain in my heart. The pain for loving you truly. The pain for trusted you blindly. The pain is real it still hurts.
I have learnt only one thing in my life that we should not stop expressing our love, ever!
When we are in love, we should tell our beloved how we feel about them every day, every hour if we can, every minute if we must. Sadly, I realized it late that now you are not with me anymore.
I wish you could come back to me, talk to me like we used, tell me how your day has been and ask me mine. I wish I could hear you telling that how much you missed me all the day, how much you loved me all the day. I wish at least once you tell how that you love me.
I know that nothing that I wish for can come true, but still I will wait for you to come back to me, and for us to start our lives where we left off. I will wait for you to love me, even if it means waiting till eternity.
I wrote this for my Ex.......💔
