I was startled by the fireworks.
I forgot I've planned to jump up high before twelve midnight, holding on to that belief that my height would mind changing its new year's resolution.
And then again, I failed.
I had slept on the shore and missed the chance... And it's already past midnight....
the sound of the fireworks were now lowering..
The place started to be silent again..
So I stood up and started walking.
I traced the fading footsteps on the sand.. But I've got nowhere to go...
Now that I had just run away from our house due to some family matters..
Misunderstandings and a bit of quarrel..
I just don't like that they're always telling me and nagging on me what to do, and what to decide.
It is all about my college.
I'm the eldest among us three. So I know I'm old enough to decide on what I want. I've failed a lot of times on that career they wanted me to take.. Yet I followed again and again.. But I'm so used up by now. I want something new.. I want to be me this time.
Why can't they accept what I've had achieved? Aren't they proud of me? I can help but question myself..
I can't do anything but sigh in disbelief..
I've celebrated new year without them, my family.
I don't hate them though.. I just want a little space..
What a nice new year.. I know its kinda bad luck for the start of my year... But, I wanna be alone...
I continued walking and reached the road far from the shore...
the road lights where glittering in yellow color. The wind breeze become colder, so I decided to sit on the bench under the light post.. I closed my eyes for a moment but a familiar voice from a distance made me stare widely awake..
Mama!?
I saw mama just a few steps away from my position.
Why is she here? Is she looking for me?
I blink twice and tried to look and see what she's doing around.. It's past midnight. what is she doing outside? is she looking for me??
my heart trobbed fast.. am I making them worry?
She's holding her sandals attempting to hit my younger brother's butt..
ahh I see.. Iñigo, my 5 year old brother escaped again.. No wonder it's not me, which was her reason to be around this late..
Mama continued shouting...
"I said do not loiter around after the fireworks display junny! Why are you so stubborn?!"
They also watched the display, e?
And they didn't even bothered watching the display without me... they did not even tell me 'bout their plans..
Sad. But I think I deserve it.. being a useless son..
My little brother cried aloud and mama continued to nag at him..
I've experienced that thing too.
I smiled within myself. I suddenly missed those moments.. When I was still young as Iñigo...
Those moments when after I cried they'll give me chocos and mallows to console my broken heart as a child..
I missed those times..
Yet, my smile faded with the thought that everything's different now..
Reasons why I still don't want to go home..
I know they're gonna scold me badly after what I did.
I sighed once again..
Then suddenly, Mama snapped a look at my place.. she looks old but lovely.. Her eyes full of love, although it's been so long since I saw it shaped into cresent everytime she smiles at me..
and I don't think she had recognized me coz I quickly covered my face with my palm pretending to be someone else sleeping..
Something made me felt uneasy.. I don't know why but I felt a sudden guilt in my heart..
But I just turned my head opposite to mama's place instead of following her home while convincing myself she didn't saw me and continued pretending to be someone else until I no longer saw any signs of her and Iñigo around.
Then my phone vibrated..
A message from my sister..
"Happy new year kuya(big brother!!) You need to come home now! We've got a surprise for you *__*.
Papa told me not to tell you but, I know you're not gonna go home until you felt fine.. So I've got no choice but to spill it out for you to come home.. So please kuya(Big Brother). Do not spoil the nightttt!!!!!"
Alesia's being quirky again.
"What surprise Alesia? Huh? tell me, what sort of joke is this again?" I lamely replied to her.
"Its a secret surprise kuya. So hurry! it's not a joke, okay?! I'm 100% serious!!!! go home alreadyyy" she instantly replied to me.
"Fine. Fine. I'm coming home. Wait for me."
"Yes! Yes! We'll be waiting for you kuya! Hurry up! :) lovelots!"
What kind of surprise would it be?
I just saw mama and Iñigo chasing each other in this road earlier. How come there would be a surprise?
Alesia's making stories again.
I stood up and confronted myself
I need to go home and talk to them.
"We must not be like this, okay?. It's new year Argon. New year." I reminded myself
So, I stood up and started walking ahead to my home...
I heard a loud bomb like sound from a distance..
It felt so odd.. The night.. It felt different..
I walked faster, feeling a sudden thrill in my heart..
Walked even faster until I reached onto the house before ours..
I stood straight.
I felt dizzy upon seeing what's goin on in front of our house..
deafening alarm of fire truck's siren unbelievably turned my world into a sudden nightmare.
I run towards the crowd surrounding our garden.
The policemen stopped me from attempting to enter the house.. But I tried my best to escape
"Papa! Mama! A-alesia... Iñigo!!" I shouted beyond the policemen's hand over my shoulders..
"Wh-at happened!!!? O-our house!!"
it's just a second ago, I was just texting with Alesia!!
How come the fire got this big?! how?!
Memories flashed onto my mind..
My tears suddenly fell as I fell onto my knees.. my knees are trembling..
What happened?
I just saw mama chasing Iñigo earlier...
Alesia just texted me to come home..
she said Papa planned a surprise for me..
Then now the house is burning? What!?
W-why?
Where are they?
I gather all my energy to stood up hoping to see them in the crowd..
please.. please...
my vision gets blurry, because of the thick smoke and the tears coming uncontrollably..
I heard the people talking about mistaken identity..
Someone trespassed into our house and then a loud sound like a bomb break the silence of the midnight.
I can't comprehend anything..
my arms felt sore due to the powerful grip of the policemen.
I tried my best to pushed them and finally I escaped from the policemen's grip..
I ran ahead to the door of our house..
God.. Where are they!?
I felt sudden pain in my skin.. I'm burning.. I can't see clearly.
But I don't care..
I walked ahead despite of the pain.. I cried as I saw the decorations hanging on the walls..my knees trembled and I felt my shirt being torned apart caused by the fire..
I can see tarpaulins saying "we love you son.."
With Ribbons and flowers all burning..
"H-help!!!" Someone shouted in the kitchen..The voice seemed excruciatingly pained.. But I recognized who she was..
God thank you!
"Mama..??" I weakly asked while sobbing..
I forced myself to walk on though I can no longer feel my legs.. finally my knees fall on the ground. I can't take this feeling anymore..
"Mama!!!" I shouted and cried
I saw our pictures both framed started to fall down the ground..
"I-im so s-sorry.." I uttered..
my whole body fell down and felt so pained.. Burned and dying..
I looked forward in the kitchen where I heard mama's voice..
"M-ma, I'm so s-sorry" I can feel the dryness of my throat.. no words escaping my mouth..
Mama... I sobbed bitterly.
I grasp onto my chest begging for more supply of air.. But it seemed that my lungs started failing.. I can't breathe..
I saw a blur image in the door of the kitchen real distorted to my vision..
A woman. I know it's her.. It's Mama.. I know..
My heart throbbed faster. "Mama!!" I tried to shout.. But I can't..
She's crawling forward to my place, with blood splattered around her face.
She smiled at me..
Mama..
I was so shocked.. That was the first time she did that ... She smiled at me..
for real..
I wanna hug her and tell her how much she made me happy with that smile....
She never showed me she cared that much by even giving me a genuine smile..
she never cared of me..
She never congratulate me at anything I achieved doing..
She never made me feel appreciated..
She never become proud of me..
Knowing that a smile would be more than enough for me to felt such.. She never did that before..
And I'm really happy to see her smile..
But please, I beg you Almighty, please not with this kind of situation..
I hope this is not the last time.. Mama..
I felt the weight of my body tripled.. My eyes slowly closed and ripped the image gone out of my sight..
Everything turned black as I felt a hand holding over me..
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