tbh I don't have anyone to talk with. im a loner so im gonna jot down whatever I feel like. I am at the lowest point of my life. so don't try to bully me here cuz im tired of that in my relationship w/ so-called friends. fuck!!!
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when people say that teenage years are best, I just feel like hitting their head with a concrete brick. it might not be applied to everyone but most of us suffer from the downfall.
I certainly had the worst experience and even now. im fucked.
let just say person A, which I had a crush on. I feel so vulnerable to that person. being very bad at expressing love, I always act cold and rough towards the person I love/like. It's just the way I am.
but A doesn't get w/ the signs, it mistook it in the wrong way.
I feel uneasy and weird when I found about my sexuality. but im pretty okay with that now( even when my loved ones look down on me. hehe)
Things took a bad turn. there were fights between us and she ruined my reputation in front of my teachers. I was all alone this time w/ no friends and withstand this crap. she turned her friends against me. it goes for one freaking year and I thought finally it would over. but guess what, the universe has other plans. fuck
in the next grade, she portrayed me as a bad person in front of the school since she has been a popular teen. it perishes all my distinction. I feel alone all the time. However, signs of the angel were present through my dearest BFF (I loved to the moon(not in a romantic way tho duh) ) she was there when I was broken in a way. I admire her company in those hard days.
finally, I decided to cut ties w/ A and move on. yet she started acting all friendly and nice. I didn't overreact ofc tbh I liked her attention but I won't let down my ego. blah.
and then we started to make up our ignorance by putting aside our pride and ego. we became good friends again.
deep inside there was vengeance against her. why? cuz till this day I'm taking the motherfucking depressant. im diagnosed with clinical depressions and hardcore anxiety.it happens when she hurt me with her words and actions.
even I pretend to be all nice around her. there's still a longing fire of revenge around me. it won't be extinguished until im satisfied.
recently she started to post dumb stories on her Instagram account. it was about an anonymous website where everyone can message you w/o your identity in other words your identity is hidden. so I just jot my feeling down there just like that. it says roughly that ' stop pretending to be all nice, bitch, and you backstab me and hurt me all those crap
I didn't even think that she will be able to recognize me. perhaps my writing was pretty obvious she wrote in a hurtful way that shook the crap out of me. I think I will be moving on from now on to a new person leaving behind the past bad memories. I hope not to see those whore again in my life. if you're reading this 'A' then fuck you. I hope you get what you truly deserve bitch
a/n: im depressed so.......
