[BL] Someday

L E I V  F O R E S T

I picked up the apple laying on the coffee table and took a large bite while softly massaging my fully grown stomach.

"I'm so excited for you, baby," I whispered but then, my eyes went wide when I felt the child inside of me kick my belly.

"Hush, my sweet child," I chuckled. This child is too excited!

Gavion moves closer to me while my other free hand remain to get clasped with his, "How is this the baby, Leiv?" He asked as he gave my cheek a quick kiss.

"Are you causing troubles for Mommy?" Gavion lowered down his head to kiss my stomach, causing the baby to behave as if he knew his father is near.

"He's getting excited," I answered while caressing my swollen stomach.

"Behave," I smiled.

"I'm the only one who can make Mommy tired, alright?" I playfully punched Gavion's shoulder as a warning but still smiled.

"Don't listen to him, Gideon,"

"You want to name the baby as Gavion?" Gabriel questioned, surprised.

"You don't like it?" I asked while looking at him with a disapproving look.

"No, I love it," He said while nuzzling my neck.

"Are you sure?"

"Hmm," He assured.

"I promise that we'll constantly play day and night and make Mommy gain several white hairs," Gavion laughed.

"Your Daddy is such a bad influence," I whispered but suddenly, I feel a jolt of pain erupt below my stomach and I flinched because of it.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know," I replied with wide eyes as I stare at the blood flowing down my legs.

My tears flow fastly while I gasp, "Gavion," I called out.

I watched the expressions on his face change, from surprise to happiness and lastly, worry.

"I-I," After I pinched him and give him a tired smile, he seems to regain back his usual calmness and without a single word he ran towards the garage and soon, picked me up.

He placed me in a wooden chair as he gets his keys and opens the door of his car, "Does it hurt?" He asked and I just nod while gripping his shoulders.

After questioning me, he put me in the backseat of his car before rushing in the driver's seat. He quickly put his keys into the ignition and give me a worried look, "Hang on tight, Angel," And with that, I can feel the car move in a fast speed but with the fatigue I'm feeling, my eyes struggles to keep open.

When I finally regain back my senses, I opened my eyes and see that I'm already laying in a hospital bed. Gavion gripped my right hand tight as he place a kiss on the my hand and caress it softly. I could feel his anxiousness but also excitement. I can't help but smile. I give the hand holding my own with comforting strokes as a reply.

The nurses are at my side as they rushed and ran fast just to bring me in the emergency room.

Gavion noticed my growing distress as we get nearer the emergency room. He calms me down while soothing my hair with his fingers, "Everything will be fine. Take deep breaths, Leiv," He comforted but I can feel that he is much distressed rather than me.

I raised my left hand to place it on his cheek while putting a brave smile on my face, "I love you,"

"I love you too," Soon, the doctor entered the room and Gavion was asked to be outside. He follows but gave my forehead a kiss before whispering he is just here and when I need help, just call his name before he finally left. His fists are clenched and I just helplessly smiled.

The mood began to suddenly go down. During labor, Doctor Averin looks tired out and so are the nurses that are with me. When I composed myself, I could already see the uncertain in their eyes.

My mind turns blank. I became conscious with my surroundings but I can't hear anything. Then, Doctor Averin said something I couldn't understand. I just looked at him in confusion as my hands shakes. I am scared, too scared to even speak. The pain I felt from the labor is all gone. Only the lingering words of Doctor Averin made its way towards my brain.

"The baby might not survive,"

My back began to feel cold just because of their gazes. The feeling of fear is slowly consuming my body. The chances of survival between I and the child on my belly is already low. I'm afraid that what Doctor Averin said might really happen.

I silently prayed for my baby's safety while taking deep breaths to calm my growing anxiety. I can't be like this. I will make sure this child lives, "Save my baby. Don't worry about me, just do your best to save my love," I hoarsely whispered.

"But—,"

"I trust my child's life in your hands, Doctor Averin. Please don't disappoint me," He looked at me with sadness coating his expression but I just gave him an exhausted yet small heartfelt smile.

"My husband is outside and he probably peed his pants right now," I joked and gave my husband a glance. With just that, he seems to look at me in surprise before he walk over towards the door.

Doctor Averin sensed my gaze and he immediately told the nurses to let Gavion enter. Gavion ran towards me and held bprh of my hands, "Angel," His voice speaks out a thousand of words but yet he couldn't utter a single thing.

We did our best unto giving the baby its needs. We gave love, care, and endless warmth to this beautiful child. I know we didn't lack at anything but this is what life is. I did my best. It is just sad that I am unable to continue doing it so.

"Gavion?"

"Yes?" It seems that Gavion also realizes that at this point, I already made my decision. We already planned for this. Even though my body is nurtured and kept healthy when I became Gavion's wife, my body is still destroyed. I can't conceive and it is already a miracle I am able to. All thanks to my husband's endless hard work!

Even knowing that conceiving is not good for me, I still want to have a child. Gavion may said he doesn't care about it but I can't let his parents down. A heir is still needed especially that Gavion is the only son. I also want to have a complete family.

"Gavion,"

"I'm here," He gripped my hand hard but not enough to give it a bruise. He is always gentle with me and gave me what I need. It is one his traits that I love. Such a good man, I am lucky to find myself one!

"Don't cry, alright?" I reached out unto him but due to fatigue, I am unable to do it. He walked nearer to me and place his forehead on my own.

I wiped his tears and softly say, "It's okay. Everything's alright," I don't know if I should even believe that it is okay. I can't even trust what I am saying.

"Don't forget about the things we talked about, okay? We already expect this to happen. It is the birth of our child so please don't cry anymore," I consoled him.

"I should be the one you're comforting, Gavion," I jokingly said. He ignored my joke as the hand griping my own gets tighter this time.

"If-"

"No ifs. We already did it. What's the use of guilt or regret? Don't tell me you don't want this child?" His one hand carefully put the hairs on the sides of my face on the back of my ear, and looked at me.

"No, you and the baby are my most precious treasures. I can't lose anyone of you,"

"You won't lose me. If you have something to lose, it is just my physical body, isn't it?" His palm met my cheek and I nuzzled into it. Would I still feel this warmth?

"I love you so much," He kissed me from all the sides of my face and lastly, on my lips.

"And so do I," I replied while gazing back at his sharp but loving eyes. I would miss this so so much.

Out of the blue, the pain that I once felt minutes ago became stronger. I gasped and clenched my teeth after.

"We don't have much time," Doctor Averin interrupted.

I gave a silent nod towards him before caressing my lover's face and kissing his lips one more time.

"Take good care of yourself and our baby. I might lose my this body but my soul is forever entwined with yours," I smiled before giving him a loving gaze.

"I am forever with you," He whispered.

"Great! As expected of you!" He smiled while stroking my cheek. After that, he stepped back but his hands found my left hand and held it tight, as to comfort him or make him conscious this is happening? I don't know.

Turning to look at Doctor Averin and softly looking at his frustrated but helpless look, I smiled.

"You are still young and it is not your fault. My husband won't blame you and I won't too. Just let me ask for a favor," Looking at the Doctor's youthful pale face, I continue speaking.

"This adorable little baby needs my energy and I wouldn't want to waste it anymore. Won't you continue what you started?"

"Please, Doctor, " I pleaded while my eyes desperately struggled to remain open.

"I will," I can't feel anything after I heard him. I don't even know what happen after that. Everything is blurry up until I heard my child's first cry.

My throat gets itchy and tears silently flows down my cheeks. With one last look, one last intake of breath, I saw my child's face and everything seems to stop. He is a little bloodied but his beautiful features are still visible. Such a wonderful baby boy! This is my son! I kept him inside my stomach for 8 months ah!

The nurses and Doctor Averin keeps on opening their mouth which I realized was because they're talking but I can't hear anything.

Is it already my time?

I smiled while I stare at my child for the very last time that I'm still alive and breathing.

_________________________

I opened my eyes and there's nothing that I can see. It seems that minutes just passes by as I adjust my sight, closing my eyes and opening it after in a repetitive cycle. I heaved a deep breath after I and found out that I can see already.

I saw Gavion holding my hand. His captivating face looks so peaceful and that I never get tired of it. My heart flutters every time I even glance at him especially when he held my hand. He is aware of the looks we gather, aware of the oppositions that the crowd may offer, and aware that even if they disapprove, we'll still continue to love each other amidst the compelling judgments of other people.

A soft smile tugged my lips as I move his few stray hairs away from his closed lidded eyes. The darkness underneath his eyes are evident. It seems like he doesn't get any sleep at all.

"Thank you for taking care of me and the baby, Gavion. I love you so much," I whispered, placing a kiss on his forehead. After that, he trembled. Is it because of the cold? He suddenly woke up looking everywhere until he looked at me.

I gave him a smile that nearly reaches up to my eyes. I'm so happy but the look that he has is not the same as mine. Yes, his eyes look thankful, delighted even, but when I look at it deeper, tiredness and fatigue are also evident on it.

"What happened to you, Gav?" I asked and immediately, he stood up and get out of the door. I look at the door he exited, confused.

Is he alright?

Did something happen?

Why won't he talk to me?

Soon, he entered the room with Doctor Averin and one nurse on his side.

"Can someone tell me what's happening?" I questioned.

"Hello?" I paused, "Can someone hear me?" Yet, they still continue to check my body.

"Am I invisible for all of you to ignore?" I desperately asked as Doctor Averin asked the nurse to call the others.

"Hello? Just answer me please!" I watched them enter.

I gulped, "Please don't ignore me," No one heard it. They moved my body and cleaned it from blood. While this is happening, Gavion is outside and I looked at him, silently pleading for him to help me.

"The time of death is 8:10 PM on March 12, 2020. I'm sorry Mr. Raenev for your lost," He took a deep breath before continuing.

"He successfully gave birth to Gideon Raenev but there's a lot of complications that happen after that. His heart stopped pumping blood causing his body to not work. We tried our best to bring back Mr. Liev but we're sorry to say that we had failed,"

I stood up and that's when I realized I'm not breathing anymore and the body that I used to have is already cold and lifeless. I stare at it with my own eyes. My lips are chapped, my skin is unnaturally pale and my body is to painful for me to see.

I'm dead. That's the reason why no one could hear me or even see me. I'm gone but my soul isn't.

I smiled, tearing up in the process. Even if my physical body is gone, I'll can always stay by my family's side and watch them. I'll protect them and continue to love them just like what I did when I was still alive. I promise that and I will do it until my soul fades.

Days passed by and now, I'm facing Gavion as he played with our cute little child that he's currently holding in his arms.

I continue to stare at them, feeling complex emotions surged up my throat but I can't stop the pain. A soft sob came out of my mouth and I cover it even if I know that he wouldn't hear any single noise.

"I miss your strong arms, the loving look you gave me every day and night and even those passionate and caring kisses you never failed to give me when I'm tired or just simply, to show me that I am loved. The relief that you told me you felt when I said yes to your proposal of living to together and even your face filled with pure amazement you've shown me when I announced that you're being a dad," I chuckled as I wipe my tears.

"Your understanding and long lasting patience to my pregnancy hormones and limitless pleas. The messed up soup you made when I was sick or even the painting you gave to me that you make especially for me," My tears pours down my cheeks but I still speak, comforting myself that even if he can't hear me nor see me at all, he could still feel my love for him.

"I miss all of that,"

"I miss you," I paused and continued, "I miss you so much that it hurts,"

"But I'll wait. I'll continue to wait even if it takes forever just to hear your voice, feel your embrace, lips, and comforting touch. To feel you, feel that I'm not hallucinating and dreaming that you're here with me,"

"I love you and our lovely baby, Gideon," I said while hugging them with my arms expecting them to shiver from the coldness of my invisible touch but they didn't, they just remained calm.

I became confused. Gavion felt chilled before but why not now?

Gavion stayed in his position, showing a loving smile plastered on his face, "Can you feel that, baby?"

"That's Mommy's arms hugging us, telling us he wants us to be safe and how he wishes to be alive just to cradle you in his arms and say how much he loves us,"

The child adorably made noise while holding up his arms in my direction. I became surprised. Why would he know where I am exactly but I just flipped it off before lowering down my head to place a kiss on his forehead. He cutely giggled after that before reaching up towards me.

"I love you, my baby," I said while looking directly at the child's eyes.

"His name is Gideon, just as what you want him to be called, Leiv," Gavion said and I expressed my happiness and thank you with a kiss on his cheek.

"And as expected, he looks a lot like you that it makes me miss you more," He smiled but a tear slipped out of his eyes. I reached out to wipe it with my hands but just like before, it's impossible.

"I love you so much that I want to go with you but Gideon is here now and I know you'll be angered if I won't properly take care of him," He chuckled.

"Just wait, alright?"

"We will soon be with each other again,"

He smiled, "I love you,"

"I love you too, Gavion," I replied and kissed him in his lips that lasted for about a few seconds.

I heard Gideon muttered incoherent words again while reaching up to his hands towards my direction.

"Yes?" I asked.

He grumbles some weird and clearly not understandable words but I'm not crying at all nor laughing at what my child is doing, I'm smiling. I am so proud! This is the child me and Gavion created!

I looked at the both of them softly before smiling, "Someday, my dear, we will be with each other,"

"Someday."