I loved him hopelessly , whole heartedly and honestly but I was in a really terrible state . My family was not in a good shape , I was not able to play a good part as a girlfriend, as a partner.
I felt really awful . Him giving his all and me , not even contributing a little . I was annoyed of my own self . I felt like I was making an innocent soul suffer . I felt like I was making him suffer by not playing a proper role as his girlfriend .
I was brought up in a really strict family with a hella lot of restrictions , rules and respect . I never defied my parenting or my family because I respected my family's pride and their rules etc but , the only thing I really wished was freedom. I lacked freedom .
It's not like I was locked up in a room all the while ! NO ! I did have a little but I couldn't do anything by myself . You know , it doesn't really feel right when you have to ask permission before anything and everything. Even if you had to talk to a friend on call you didn't have privacy .
I couldn't maintain a relationship in such a tight spot , keeping up with a relationship became torturous . I frequently went on trips of depression, stress and anxiety ! I failed to maintain a proper balance . But I still tried my best to play a joyous role .
Things started blowing out between us . He , knowing my condition used to question me for my behaviour . I had to give him a whole list of things I did that day because he started doubting me ! I supported him in everything , I never , never ever questioned him about anything. Though I heard things negative and got toxic vibes I chose to ignore them just because I trusted him !
I used to sneak out to talk to him without anyone knowing , I used to get up in the middle of the night just to wish him if it was something special , I used to sacrifice my whole night's sleep just to type a beautiful text message for him ! But in the end all went in vain when he asked me if I really loved him or am I just playing along with him !
My heart broke into a million pieces !
