Appreciation

I always wonder, if I asked my 'past self',

Will she say that she is proud of me?

My current me??

This morning, I woke up too early than normal.

Everyone still asleep.

I don't know why but I felt reaply lonely.

But to be honest I'm always lonely :P

I don't trust people.

I once trust them and told them my secret,

They told everyone else.

I once trust them and believe they will understand me,

But they pretend they didn't see.

I once trust them and cried in front of them,

But they say "Why are you so weak?"

I don't trust people anymore.

I'm lonely.

I feel like I wanted to scream and cry all I want.

I wanted to shout "I'm lonely"

But, I know I can't do it.

These days, I always feel sad.

Almost every morning.

I'm tired of faking these fake smile.

I'm tired of being treated like a robot.

I'm tired!!

I don't know why, but suddenly

I felt like there is someone who will be by my side.

Someone that will accept me for who I am.

Someone that ready to hear all my stories.

Someone that is waiting for me.

Then I realized, that there will always be,

Even if it's not five, nor four and three, not two,

Even if it only one person

that want to see me tomorrow,

and also the next day after tomorrow,

and for the next week, and next month and then next year.

I'm sure of it.

Even if there's no one that will,

I will keep on living.

For the sake of myself.

I don't want all my suffering go wasted.

And I'm sure, my 'past self' will be proud of me