After my mom came back, I was very happy. We used to spend our time enjoying, playing and admiring flowers.
I thought we would be a happy family, what a mere thought of a 4yr old child
My mom got a job when I was 5, she spent less time with me. When I was 6 my brother was born, and then every thing changed.
As he was an infant, she has to take care of his needs, that's when we bride a gap in between
She totally neglected me, the only thing on her mind was the child, household and work. At first I was jealous of him because he took all of my parents love.
My father never loved me, when I was little he never carried me, never once in my life
But when my brother was born, his face was all lit up. At that time I understood my place in family.
When I was 8 my thinking became mature, I thought it was useless to be jealous of my own brother, it's not his fault.
When he started to grew up we got along quite well, until. When he got hurt I was scolded and beaten. At one time I was unable to sleep properly because my right side on the rib was paining.
I finally understood, if I have to stay in this family I have to maintain distance
I wasn't allowed to cry, I wasn't allowed to laugh. Don't be emotional is what I always heard
Since then and till now, I drew a fine line that nobody will cross, and if one does they'll face my wrath
My heart became numb, unable to feel any emotions. I stopped expecting, I stopped having any hope
*You expect nothing, you lose nothing.*
That's how it is till now, I don't want to get hurt again so I build the walls to lock my heart, and to chain my feelings.
In my opinion *Emotions are a hindrance, you can't think properly when you're emotional*
So I'm fine without them 🙂
~ Eli
