So the Sun came up, without my consent.
I wasn't ready to show others what I meant.
It was too early and it was much too bright,
The nausea came and my tummy got tight.
Yesterday was gone, never to return.
Sadness filled my heart, on what others had to learn.
I had been reluctant to accept what was,
Selfishly abanded those because of my loss.
My friends, who had come to have fun.
I forced them out, before they could see the gun.
I had found my mother, lying on the floor.
Her unmoving body had ripped at my very core.
It had taken me a moment, to take it all in.
Who in their right mind could cause such sin?
At first, in shock, it didn't seem real,
I had no idea on how to feel.
Was I dreaming? Delusional or going crazy?
Falling down to my knees, my eyesight went hazy.
It was real, I wasn't in a dream.
I knew to make a call but I didn't seem keen.
A tear had fallen then, I didn't know I was crying.
To make that call, god knows I was trying!
How I gave out information is totally beyond me.
I referred to my mum, not by name but 'she'.
I had continued to sob as they came to the door,
They took me away, so that I could not see anymore.
I know they were talking, their lips were moving,
But it looked like no words could be soothing.
I had wished desperately, to wake from sleep,
But the nightmare didn't vanish and I had continued to weep.
I heard that there had been a struggle.
The robbers and my mum might have had a shuffle.
They didn't quite understand some bullet holes,
But I heard something about some lost souls.
It turns out that they were still there...
I didn't look around to find out where.
My mother had fought back in attempt to save her life.
Did she know she had caused the robbers so much strive?
After that, the night before is a blur.
And now, woken, how to live without her?
Outside my room, I hear hushed voices.
To try and sleep or get up were my choices.
It was like my body moved on its own,
I was numb, my feelings were out of zone.
My door opened now, I see who is there.
I saw family, They looked at me but I didn't care.
Life seemed black to me, no light in the darkness.
My head was screaming and so full of madness.
It didn't seem fair that I had to do without.
The extra fears that I have now and so much doubt.
How to carry on living with such circumstances?
Can I give life anymore chances?
It occurred to me then that someone entered my sight,
They were towering over me, with their height.
They said my name and put their hands around me.
Tears flooded out and I couldn't see.
"It's going to be alright." To me they said.
But how was it alright, when my mother was dead?
Memories flooded into my mind and heart.
How kind and sweet she was, and how smart.
She had that gentle, parental touch.
Oh, how I loved her so much!
As the memories continued, I saw her smiling face,
Even when she was scolding me, when she was on my case.
It was too early for her to go.
Why? Please tell me! I must know!
I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.
Again, one word came, and that was why?
I didn't speak for the remainder of the day.
Honestly, there was nothing I wanted to say.
As the funeral approached a few days later,
My numbness had only gotten that much greater.
I'm sure I'm not the only one,
To live without because of what other's have done.
The world has others just like me,
That I notice it now, what else can't I see?
The suffering that all people have endured,
Maybe is something that can't be cured.
Is that who we are? Is that what we do?
Instead of suffering, can we have something new?
No, I thought, death is also a part of who we are.
Our experiences, our lives is what we hold dear.
My mother's death is part of who I am now,
Remember her and even in her last moments of what she had to show.
Yes, mum, I love you, I'll never forget you,
But I still must live, not just for you...But me too.
It wasn't fair, but what in life is?
All I know is, that it is you I'll miss.
With losing someone so close to me, someone so pure,
what it may come down to, is how to endure?
I have decided, now, to take up your spirit and fight,
I will continue on with your legacy with all my might!
