Him

I was born with strict parents and a simple childhood

we have some pet dog and chickens, I grew up in an Island far away from the city ........so simple

Being bullied, being laughed at and having more fake friends than real one's

then high school came and the struggles became real, the discrimination the pressure and the harsh opinions got worse..... specially for me because I need to maintain a high reputation..... it's because my mom is the assistant of the principal which means more higher level than the teachers

On 7th grade I embarrassed myself and that moment was the moment I wished that never happened.....my mom scolded me in public and don't give a d@mn that her daughter us being embarrassed and being discriminated

but still at those times....I didn't blame anyone but myself

9th grade, now

catching with the honor students......resulting high grades yet no one congratulated me..... the day of my b day was the happiest though because I was surprised by my classmates and friends and also my mom

at that time it felt like a dream

I was smiling the whole time and was singing and enjoying with my friends

I never got bored.....but then tomorrow came and a disaster walk inside my life

someone told my mom about me being with some friends that travels just to gain drugs and do sexual stuff to people

I was acused as being a part of this group they called "pulang araw" in english "pulang" means "red/bloody" then "araw" means "sun "....so in english the group is called "bloody sun/red sun"

I did not know a thing about this group of people but I am going to because I was acused on being a member of this

I found out who they were and they were my past bff's......I was the one who abandoned them because of their horrible personalities and the way they judge other people....I couldn't stand them bullying kids younger than us

so I left them

I entered the school,everyone was looking at me when I was walking by

I wonder if they got that humor and misunderstood me

so I just looked down and pretend I didn't care but deep inside I was so embarrassed....I couldn't stand myself against those hate stairs and obvious gossips infront of me

geez I wish I could just disappeared in here right now

Since that day...The misunderstanding goes on and on ...I couldn't explain to them because I was a total coward and also I was afraid of hurting or saying horrible stuff to people........I don't know how but this super kind and nice attitude is really making me pissed off.......My mom raised me good hell yeah she raised me so good that I let everyone who comes in my way just win and me always defeated

Then a virus got out and send the whole world in total lockdown

including our Island.....but I was happy though because I never get to go to school and face the same terrifying eyes of the gossipers

The members of the bloody sun recruited me to be their second in command but I declined because I was totally ruined just because of that misunderstanding part

I was totally mad At myself......did I made a bad decision in the past?how could I be put in a mess like this

hearing those hurtful sentences from my parents and embarrassed me from the neighborhood but I always had a reply to every sentence they throw at me but mentally though cuz I can't answer them or shout at them....

"you so lazy always on your phone!!!"

it's because this is where I only get distracted from depression and Im sorry

"you never did a correct job,always useless"

sorry I was too depressed to do a good work mom....Im truly sorry

"why don't you leave this house and just go sell yourself!!"

You raised me good mom and I will not do that.....Im sorry

"such a b!tch"

your right dad I guess I am....and Im sorry

"your so useless,why did I ever gave birth to you"

I wish you didn't mom....Im sorry I always hurt you and your reputation

"I wish I aborted you in the first place"

I wish you did mom ....that would be solving all of my problems

"so you wanna die huh?you almost committed suicide but didn't continue it because of us? hah!!! that's bullshit.... I'll kill you myself"

no dad...I will kill myself if I am not worth that much to you..... don't kill me cuz I'll kill my self .. remember my younger brothers...they still need you

until the old joyful,cheerful and a jolly girl like me faded and turned to depressed and started not caring about my mistakes and started to not care either mom or dad will scold me to death

"we never said your useless,we just need you here with us with your brothers and we don't want you to spend all of your time outside"

well days ago you just said that I wish I was never born and now you're telling me this.....you said so many hurtful stuff about me yet here you are saying these things to me.....Im sorry for the last time if I am being careless but the care that I had once before was now lost because of those words

sorry I am ending it here I got so emotional.....

also the title was "HIM" because of that one person who she discovered online and saved her from depression a.k.a the person whom she loves but didn't know her existence

her: "I rarely fell in love to people and yet I fell in love to you....who doesn't know me and didn't even met me"

the end