Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!" The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
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A father passing by his sons bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, Dad. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands: "Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that Im writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. Ive been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But its not only the passion, Dad. Shes pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesnt really hurt anyone. Well be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, well pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Dont worry Dad, Im 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, Im sure well be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua. P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. Im over at Jasons house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report thats on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
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Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had avery embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on. "So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. She putt-putted all the way home, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control any lingering effects. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight. "He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a rotten egg gone worse. When her husband returned, he instructed her to remove her blind fold. And when she did, 50 people around her said "Surprise! "
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