NEVER SANE WITHOUT YOU

We both were in for the friends with benefit relationship.

My name is Alexander aka Alex,his name is Noah,22 years old, also my best friend/love of my life.

I was 24 years old when I met him at a club, I thought I was a straight guy but since the day my eyes set on him I knew I have to make him mine so that I can keep myself sane and maybe I am bisexual.

We met through mutual friends and became best friends in the time of six months.Though my body/heart was attracted to him I dint show it because I thought he was not gay but one day when he called after office hours to have drink,in drunkenness he told he was gay and also about his past with bad relationship experience.He does not want to get into serious relationship at this moment.

After two months from that night I made a move on him and kissed him.......I told him I am straight but I am attracted to him and maybe I am bisexual. So to test this theory I told him we could do friends with benefit relationship and see where it goes.

We also made a condition that either one was wanted to date someone else we are free to end this relationship.

1 year of being with him was magical and I got to know that my feelings were true ,that I was not attracted to any guy other than him and I only loved him.

One day he suddenly came to me and told that he found a guy that who is his colleague who he also had liked and he wanted to try dating him ..... I was heart broken but couldn't say or do anything to stop him.

I even wanted to beg him to stay but It was already too late.So insted i gave my approval and said that we will still be best friends forever. He agreed.

After a month of ending our relationship and going on dates with the other guy(Erik) while ignoring or cancelling plans with me.....He informed that now they were in serious relationship and he wants to properly introduce me to his boyfriend.

I agreed to have dinner with them just to make him happy but I knew that my heart will be bleeding to see him with someone else.

At dinner Erik was were rude and tried to get all attention of Noah on him.....somewhere along I understood he was jealous because he knew my previous relation with Noah so I tried to stay calm.

Eventually he said something about my baby(noah) and we broke into a fight.....I punched him hard in the face.....and he deserved it.

noah followed me to my home just to confront about what happend at the restaurant.... I was I no mood to talk him so I unconsciously shouted at him for cancelling plans with me.I even told him that I loved him and accused him for abandoning our friendship.

In hurry he left my house while crying......I lay there in the living room regretting shouting at him.

For continuous 2 days I drowned myself in alcohol and work.

At the night ,after two whole f****** days silence from his side,I saw him standing there ,outside my door waiting for me and as soon as I got out of my car he pounced on me and told me the words I yearned to hear,I love you too alex.......and then we talked and made a lot of love.That night I was the happiest man on the earth with love of my life laying in my bed,In my arms sleeping peacefully.