I hate mom. I was always hate her for not loving me and dad, for loving another man.
I was just an eighteen year-old girl when I find out that mom did not love dad. Since then, I hate her so much.
I found a letter that mom kept. One day, I took the letter, then I open the letter, it written the year 1990, the year my parents married. It's 2009, how old this letter would be, I thought. It was written like this,
"To Carina, 05.05.1990
My dear angel, I had seen your letter. It seems like your father could not accept me in the end that you have to marry another man. I am sorry that I am not wealthy, I am sorry that I am not a noble man that your family wants. It breaks my heart so much. I can't take sleep these days thinking about you have belong to another man, I can't bear it. I have a plan, let's runaway together. Wait for me at the Trevi Fountain. I will come to you tomorrow, I promise. I love you.
Angelo."
That is how I know that mom loves another man, I was very angry. But I am angrier that she kept for many years dearly. Mom loves another man, and he was Angelo. I hate mom more and more. Dad died a few months ago, whenever I think of dad, I pity him more and more, he must knew that mom didn't not love him. After dad died, I left home. I didn't talk to mom for a weeks now.
But, yesterday I went home when mom was at the office. I went to her room to took some money, but, I saw another letter from a year, 1991, my birth year. I open hurriedly, and this is what it says,
"To Carina, 22.03.1991
Dear angel, how are you? How was life? How was your family? I heard from your friend that you have a beautiful daughter. I bet she looks like you. I hope she has your eyes that looks like emerald stone, and your angel looks.
I am ashamed to sent you this after I can't take you with me, and after a year. I believe you had waited for me that day, I am sorry that I can not make it. I have my reasons, but I don't expect you to forgive me.
That day, when I was coming to you, I had a bus accident on the way. When I woke up, I was hospitalized for 2 months. As soon as I wake up, I wanted to come for you, but, I have a little problem with my legs. So, I can't come to you. Your bestfriend was beside me and said, you already got married.
It was my fault for promising you that I can't done. Did you remember when we first met at the Trevi Fountain. You were crying because you have to marry someone whom you not love. I come to you and asked why you were crying. Although it was the first time we met, you told me everything because you thought we will not meet again.
"Do you know the myth of this fountain?" I asked. You said, "No."
"People believes that if you throw one coin, you will return to Rome. If you throw two coins you will fall in love with an attractive Italian. If you throw three coins you will marry the person that you met," I said.
You threw three coins and said, "I want to fall in love with someone who love me so much."
After that, you fall in love with an attractive Italian, haha~we are falling in love. I still believe the myth of the Trevi Fountain, the place we first met, the place our love story begins. Our love story begins at Rome.
I hope you can come visit me. After the accident, I can't walk anymore. I have cancer stage 4 now, and I don't have much time. My last wish is to see you again. I hope you can come to me.
Angelo"
After I read the letter. I remember where my mom kept her diary, I take out the very old diary from 1990.
"05.05.1990
After I read Angelo letter, I packed my things and ready to set out tomorrow. I am so happy to have him with me. I am the luckiest girl."
"06.05.1990
"It is an evening now. Angelo is not show up, I am sitting under the street light. I think he has some trouble to come early. I will wait him no matter what.
Now, it is midnight. He is not here. If I go home, he may come and search for me. I have to wait."
"07.05.1990
I woke up at home. At first, I dont know what's happening. I think I was sitting under the street light, how come I am home?
Nurse was with me, I asked what happened.
'They found you lying under the street light. They brought you to the hospital, you were unconscious because you are pregnant,' she said.
I am shocked to hear that.
'Please rest, I will inform your family that you are awake,' she said.
Dad rushed in and slapped me, 'How dare you. I am ashamed of you!" he shouted.
But, mom hugged me tightly, ' I'm glad you are okay. But you are pregnant.'
'Mom, I just know that too. I don't want to marry Marco, please. I am in love with Angelo,' I said.
Dad reply me angrily, 'You are shameless!"
"Dad, I know that he is not wealthy enough to make you satisfied. But he love me so much, and now, I carry his child,' I cried.
'How shameless! How can we face Marco and his family? You will have an abortion!' dad said and left.
I can't take sleep all night. Why didn't he come? He must have a reason. He will come to me no matter what. I miss him so much."
Mom was pregnant before she married dad. Am I their child or not?
"27.05.1990
Tomorrow, I have to marry Marco. I can't contact Angelo since that day. I don't know what happen to him, but he breaks my heart so much. He promised me to come, but he didn't show up. I want to know the reason.
Marco know that I carry Angelo's child, but he still wants to marry. This is may be what love really is. I will sent my bestfriend to him after the wedding ceremony. I need to know."
Am I Angelo's daughter? No way, I have to find out.
"31.05.1990
It past two days after the wedding ceremony. My friend also come back, she has the answer. She come to my house and said, 'He figured out that he didn't love you. You are wealthy, that is why he approached you at the first place.'
My heart ache so much. Although I heard the truth, I still can't believe it. Why did he do this to me? He play my heart."
I take another diary, 1991, my birth year.
"17.1.1991
Last week, my baby was born. She was so beautiful. She reminds me of Angelo so much. She looks like him. I named her 'Angel'.
The name, Angel comes from Angelo, her biological father. I haye him, but that doesn't mean she is not her daughter. As much as I hate him, I still love him. What's wrong with me?"
"22.03.1991
I recieved Angelo's letter. He said that he had an accident that day. But why my bestfriend said that he didn't love me? Did he lie or she lie to me?
After I went to her, she told me that she lied because Marco told her to. He already knew that Angelo was coming to get me. So, he cause an accident. Angelo was in the hospital until now. I hate him so much but my husband is the reason he can't come to me. Why did I believe that he didn't love me? He always said that I am angel who come to his life?
Angelo said that he didn't have much time, I wanted to go to him. But Marco come home and apologize, he said that he can't lose me. So, he told my bestfriend to lie to me. I hate him. How can he do this to me? I will never forgive him until I die?"
"09.04.1991
I was with Angelo this whole month. I take care of him and watch him dying everyday. He can't walk, he has cancer stage 4. How can God so merciless?
Angelo left this world in the morning. We can have a good farewell in the end. He is the only one I love, I willl always love him. Our love story begins in Rome."
I don't know when I cried, I wipe my tears. I heard footsteps, I turned around, mom was standing at the door.
"Angel, what are you doing?"
As soon as I saw mom, I hugged her tightly and apologize.
"Mom, please forgive me. I hate you for not your wrong doings. I don't know you have face so much trouble. Please forgive me, please."
"Don't cry. It's not your fault. It's not mine. Please don't cry. Angelo knew that you are his daughter before he died. You are the sign of our love, Angel. You are my Angel."
