I Am Jealous of Myself

I Am Jealous of Myself

I am jealous of myself by thinking how happy I was,

I am jealous of myself by wondering how freely my living was,

I am jealous of myself by thinking how peacefully I lived,

I am jealous of myself by thinking about how I was me.

I don't want to be like others,

Because I know there's a magic in being yourself,

I am disappointed in myself thinking how badly my heart flutters,

By worrying about my unseen future.

I am jealous of myself by thinking I had everything before,

I am jealous of myself by thinking about how my childhood was surrounded by starry nights, bedtime stories and playing on a seashore.

I am jealous of myself by thinking how easily I found happiness in very little things,

But sad to know how much I try to search for it in very small flings.

I wish I could go back to my childhood,

Not to change it,

But to feel it again,

Because there's no life in this world,

Wherewith any magical powers your childhood will be regained.

I ain't jealous of others,

Because I know that there was a time where I lived happily with the most beautiful colours,

I am jealous of myself by thinking how bright my face looked;

Without faking a smile,

Without hiding my uncontrollable tears,

Remembering how much I enjoyed with my loved ones on a beautiful summer.

I don't want to be like others,

Because I want to become who I was before,

In this world of copying and struggling hard to be like others,

I wish I could be like me.

Written by Renuka.