To my Man, I don't even understand the concept of love when it comes about my life, but when others asks for suggestions regarding love issues, I solve them , but why does it become so difficult to understand that I am already in love with you or more than love it is .. LOVE?
I had gone through break-up for the first time, I had a huge loss in study fields, mental health and physical health. I had gone through nights crying over the past because I just couldn't let it go,and understand what should be done. I felt hopeless, and watched a lot of videos online. I hardly attended school and was absent minded. I drooled over the Past for a long time actually, BUT DEAR WAIT !!! Did you ever hear others saying 'This is my first love', so practically I too thought like that and went into believing it for real WHICH WASN'T . So THINK , DO you DESERVE that depressing Life, Do I DESERVE that? My answer is simply "NO". Dear we don't deserve it , we had gone through such just to make us a better person in Decision making, putting Trust on, Understanding things and others, having Belief, to Believe that 'You and I' still DESERVE Love .
After the heartbreak, I lost trust in people,friends , so I didn't talk much and I listened to people, started to OBSERVE Things . There u came asking me about my marks and I told u and did handshake u with a smile I still remember, so fresh . It was surprising when you asked me about exchanging our numbers, I did laugh (I actually blushed that I realize now, 😂). I asked u a question about my change in behavior , u did reply and encouraged me , motivated me . The next day, while I was on the staircase ,way to library, u called me from the back coming from our class straight away to me asking 'ARE U OKAY?', that's was the moment, I RECOGNIZED U, that u R Not like others .
But facing through the difficulties alone is damn tough at that time. I needed somebody I could trust, unfortunately, I couldn't do that . I had hard times with u too, remembered when you Stared at Me in chemistry practical class, I was standing beside u, u suddenly gazed at me, I too looked at u, we got stuck looking at each other and then I tried to distract to look other side (omg, that was the first time, I Could tell, that From Looking into ur eyes, I could tell without any doubt that ur eye color is Brown) . Sudden thoughts (U) came into my mind , u Became my OBSESSION since then. I tried to avoid every way of thinking it as love, liking, attraction, infatuation etc. . we went on communicating and suddenly I started to feel u were ignoring me . Actually, it feels weird if two persons talk to other,gets attached, and expectations comes there and when there's expectations , there are problems too, so as in my case. I actually understood ur problem before u told me the actual reason of ignoring me. U did apologize for ur way of talking to me and when u said that u had gf then, I already knew that you are LOYAL and u know what I told to myself after I returned home, that ur gf(now ex) was Lucky . It's hard to get a soul like u .
We started to talk less but whenever I saw u, my face always have a smile , (maybe that's called blushing stuffs 😅) . I had started to ignore u and my random thoughts about u. U kept on coming and I kept on pushing u away . I always get nervous when I look at u , when I pass by. Because of fear I swallow saliva even now, I am too afraid , u know there's a time when u were given punishment,so u went inside the class and sat down but ur face could be seen, I looked at u suddenly and realized that u were also looking at me , that's a strange feeling .But I like it now.😉
I shared chips with you just to make u feel that u were too having Tiffin Sharing , because u were present on the particular day . Although I passed my copy to you to write something about me as it was the last day, u did write , but only Three words, u name, a comma, and some dots , Thank You for that Page , henceforth I was nervous, but I encouraged myself to pass u the chips packet . I wish you stayed there a bit more . Later I did a blunder and I know it very well , I wrote to u that 'u're horrifying' when you asked about how ur friends were, I complimented them and ended up writing such stuffs, and thus had to make it clear and apologize . U r really cool cuz u only replied just not to exaggerate things .
I didn't even realize what was going on with me. I felt Stupid . we were having exams , I were sitting where the Entry way could be easily detected who were coming and going . I saw u coming , I was actually focused on with my revision then just before I saw u, when I looked at u, u just passed quickly , out of blue , I smiled and the stupidest thing is that I even dropped away the papers I were holding , I don't know how I dropped them and I just started to smile ( may be that's called Blushing).
Time passes quickly and u went through break-up. I didn't know how u were going through cuz I tried to keep my distance from u because I didn't want to become a barrier in ur relationship. So started to avoid u, Sorry for that . I had nightmares about you and I still remember I cried at nights thinking about whether I DESERVE LOVE, WHAT IS LOVE , all certain questions and end up crying and whenever I switched on my net , I found ur text sending me stuffs that got me thinking strange about it, cuz u suddenly sending messages and tried to talk to me . And when you actually started to talk about ur Situations, hurdles that u share to me, I feel Thankful to u that you could understand me and found me Trustworthy in this puzzled situations . I tried to ease the Situations, I did cry and tried to solve ur matters, I was getting angry at ur ex, thinking how fool she is . And she doesn't have the right to bad mouth u ever .
Little by little I got to know you, I also know that you are a bit complex person and ya Cuz U r My King and u have the right to. I only just need to Understand more cuz recently I have been realizing about ur talks and their meaning cuz although u say them , but Believe Me, it's not wrong , cuz I Believe in ur Words, Decisions . I want to learn things from you . I want to do little things , I want to do more , to be honest , my mind go crazy when I have u in my Mind😵 ..
In my , " No LOVE" life , I am thankful for meeting u . A loyal, helping , straight forward, understanding, respectable and honest person Deserves Better in Life . So just Try to submerge the past thoughts and I believe in you . Thank you for bringing the happiness that I didn't even expect . In all these happened, I at last asked to myself is it LOVE?
cuz doesn't it feel strange to fall in love with the person whom you once texted that' u will never like, u never liked and u don't like him' and later u just do the opposite. Oh God! where did you put me !! That's why I always feel like I am Dreaming and trying to not Believing it for Real . But I can understand and see the after I have been working with u, I feel like each day I will be living for You, for the betterment cuz u encouraged me ,that I have to live a positive life and then can make u positive . Thank you for bringing the lost hopes back, Courage and passion in my Life .
"I feel myself through u whenever you talk about ur Life"
From ur that 'not so beautiful' Crush
This is my story. well can you guys help me answering whether it's LOVE? or am still Dreaming?😔 we all deserve love and I know that but so many things happened, I am so confused. 🙃🙂 But I kinda like this .
