"Haa..." I sighed due to the confusion. Yoon Heegyeom's actions continued to confuse me. If he had looked at me with his ice-hardened eyes and showed his hatred openly, he would have hurt my heart even more, but at least I wouldn't be so anxious about this situation.
I like everything. The way he looks directly at me, his touches and whispering my name in his low voice. And every time he did that, it felt like something was overwhelming me, my chest stiffened and a tingling warmth circulated in my body. Even though sometimes it was a bit cheesy that it made my cheeks and ears irresistibly hot, I never hated it. What I hate are the anticipation or the delusions that dominate my mind every time
he does that.
No way... Could it be that Yoon Heegyeom likes me?
"......Haaa...."
No. It will never happen. I immediately denied the thought of that terrifying sweet
illusion. It was just a mere delusion. I ruined his life. Although I'm making up for my past mistake now, I think Yoon Heegyeom must have some feeling of hatred and resentment towards me. Yoon Heegyeom should have been.
However, his behaviour towards me is so sweet that even I think it was 'too much'.
The pouring skinship is so passionate even my mind felt like it was unreal.
He was suffering all this time because of me. In this situation, it's normal for him to hate me. But why the hell is he being so affectionate? So the only conclusion I can think of is, "does Yoon Heegyeom actually love me?"
I think the reason why my thoughts flow like this is that my own deep feelings have clouded my reasoning. It was just my own desire to believe that he also felt the same way as I do. There is no particular reason for Yoon Heegyeom to like me. I never did anything
that could win his heart, and even if he does like me somehow, I can only say that
Yoon Heegyeom is... really crazy. It's actually more a terrifying situation if he does
like me, considering all the things I've done to him.
Not to mention Yoon Heegyeom was a great actor in the past. If this all was just a mere act and he actually hides his true intentions, I will never know what's going on inside his head. Such as right now. I paid for his movie, and I, myself, said our relationship was hwadae in the past. Sex was the price. Now he's the one who turned the table around and offered sex to me.
It was, so to speak, like a transaction in this kind of industry. Emotions should never get involved in a business. That's why Yoon Heegyeom completely hides the feelings of resentment from me.
That was the most logical assumption I could think of. The funny and foolish thing is that I'm looking forward to something when I know better that I'll be hurt by this series of conjectures.
I make my own assumption that you might like me, and I know very well that it was
a useless thought, so the only thing I can do is deny it and suffer.
After all, I'm sure I'm just an investor who pays for the movie, nothing more or less. If all the kindness Yoon Heegyeom poured out to me before was just a means to maintain a firm relationship, that thought hurts me a lot. But still, I can't push him away no matter how much it hurts. I love him so much to the point that I'm desperate for Yoon Heegyeom's warmth.
